Incomplete
by Warrior Goddess
Summary: This is a fanfiction based on New Moon, the second in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. It concerns the Cullens' side of the story during the time where Edward and Bella are apart. The story starts the night of Bella's birthday party.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** This is a fan fiction based on the book New Moon and includes a few spoilers from the book Eclipse, both books by Stephenie Meyer. The characters and plot are not my own. This is merely my interpretation of the thoughts and feelings of the Cullen family during the time period where Edward and Bella are apart.

** Incomplete**

**Chapter 1: The Aftermath**

_1/Edward_

I slammed the kitchen door shut behind me and headed towards the front door. My pace was slow, practically human. I had almost reached the front door, when I stopped. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to look into their faces. I wasn't ready to hear Emmett's light joking, see Rosalie's knowingly smug look or Jasper's shame. My head was still reeling from what had just happened. I turned and headed to the staircase and rested against the banister. I don't know how long I had been standing there, but there was a faint creak and I knew that Alice had just emerged from the kitchen. Before the door had shut, the scent of Bella's blood reached me. I closed my eyes tightly and stopped breathing once more, now sickened more than ever that I could still fall under the influence of our primal urge. I was disgusted with myself. I had never hated myself more than I had then. Alice stood behind me, too afraid to speak; she thought her words as she often did when she wished for our conversations to remain private. Edward, please… 

Her voice started in my head and I raised a hand to silence her. There was nothing she could say. Nothing any of them could say to ease my conscience. How could I ignore what had just happened? It was meant to be a birthday celebration! Like a fool I allowed Alice to indulge herself in her frivolous plans, as she lived vicariously through the human girl that I loved, Bella, my sweet Bella.

It had all been so innocent. They had wanted so badly to celebrate her birthday. Carlisle and Esme truly wanted to make the day special for Bella, already seeing her very much as part of the family. Alice was, of course, utterly exuberant and Jasper was content to go along with whatever she wanted. Emmett had especially dragged Rosalie back early from their holiday so that he could be there to see her… or _mock_ her to be more precise. I knew that Carlisle and Esme loved Bella because she made _me_ happy, but it meant so much more that the feelings displayed by Alice and Emmett were purely based on the fact that they genuinely _liked_ her. Emmett saw her as the little sister he had never had and he found her hilarious, even if it was for all the wrong reasons. As for Rosalie…my brow creased angrily as I knew only too well how much this evening would have pleased her. Did she honestly think that I did not see the look on her face as she helped escort Jasper from the house? I felt my lips curl back over my teeth, a snarl threatening to rip from my throat, but I fought it back. I closed my eyes tightly and breathed heavily through my nose. Rosalie was the least of my problems. The issue at hand was far more pressing, far more urgent and demanded all my attention.

I felt my shirt ripple, as Alice flitted past me, no doubt to the front door to get some fresh air in order to clear her head and probably to see to Jasper. The door took too long to close and I knew that once more, I was not alone. Of course I had heard Esme's thoughts before she considered controlling them in my presence. As she spoke to herself in her mind, her tone was one filled with shame and remorse.

_What will she think of me! Leaving the home covering my nose to escape the smell of her blood?!…I hope she did not take offence…Oh the poor sweet child…What an evening! What a disaster! And Edward…My poor boy…My poor sweet boy…_

I opened my eyes and stared at her. Absorbed in her thoughts, she hadn't even noticed me standing on the far side of the room. She turned her head and when her eyes met mine, she could only gaze at me in the way that only she could; the way that only she was allowed. I did not remember my own mother. I knew facts that Carlisle had shared with me over the decades, but facts were all that they were. In this new life, my mother figure stood before me. It did not matter that in the beginning we had posed as brother and sister, Esme's love was always above and beyond all that could be achieved by being a sibling. Her love was so extreme and so unconditional, how could she be anything but a parental figure to me? She knew me so well. Seeing the devastation in my eyes, she knew better than to speak. Gliding across the floor to me, she slowly reached up her soft, loving hands and placed them on either side of my face. She held my gaze and in it, I saw all her concern and the unspoken vow that she would support me in every decision that I made. It was too much. It was almost as if she could see what was going on inside my mind, even though I was the only one of our family with that particular gift. I slowly shut my eyes once more and allowed myself this brief moment to accept any form of comforting from another. She gently kissed my closed lids and then left me. She would clean the blood before the others returned. I suddenly felt useless. What was I doing? What could I possibly do? I was in no condition to speak with anyone and here I was, standing and doing nothing. I was incapable of thought, drowned by my depression and a sudden flare of anger.

Deciding that it was unfair and rude of me to expect Esme to partake in all the cleaning responsibilities, I decided to do something, even if it was a pathetically small effort. I flitted to the scene of the crime and disposed of the remnants of glass and the table. It took me less than a minute to dispose of the lot and for the speed I was eternally thankful. I could not stand to see the blood stained glass or any of these reminders of what had just happened. I wondered how I could ever be in this room again without reliving the memory. Too angry to speak to the others and too anxious to leave, I stayed put and paced the length of the room over and over again, as Esme appeared and wordlessly took the task of mopping the floor upon herself.

_2/Emmett_

I had both of Jasper's arms twisted behind his back in an iron grip. We had left the house for ten minutes and he was still snapping, thrashing and trying to break free. I had to chuckle to myself at his attempts. Even on his best days, he was no match for me. Rosalie shot me a disapproving look and raised her eyes to the heavens.

"What?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why she was pulling faces.

"You're meant to be calming him Emmett! I sincerely doubt that laughing at him will make things any better! Look at him, you are taunting him!"

"Oh Rosalie please! Don't pretend that you care! You are enjoying all of this!"

Now it was my turn to pull a face at her. She didn't like that at all, but there was no denial in the stone setting of her beautiful face. She folded her arms and walked before Jasper and gave him a pitiful glance, before eyeing me with contempt. It was wrong of me to think this, but even now with eyes blazing with anger, she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"But you are wrong… I _do_ care…I care that Edward is wasting his time with that foolish human girl and any enjoyment I have obtained from this evening has been gained at a price…_his_. He had this coming Emmett! It was just a matter of _time_. He brought this down on her! He brought this down on _us_! Did he _honestly_ think that something like this wouldn't _eventually_ happen? The boy is _blinded _by his completely _irrational _obsession! And see where it has landed him?!…His _girlfriend_ (she spat the word with distaste) almost got _eaten_ and look what she has done to our _brother_! See what he has been reduced to? Everything that he has fought to escape! He will feel terrible about this for _days_, _weeks_, even _months_! He was _completely_ and _utterly_ selfish to bring her here, to _ever_ get involved with her!"

"He knew the risks he took when he decided not to kill her and brought her here Rosalie, he _isn't _stupid", I pointed out in my brother's defence.

"_No_, not stupid! _Inconsiderate_! _Selfish and_ -"

"_And_ I am sure _you_ have _never_ been _any _of those things…"

She stopped mid sentence and glared at me. I smirked at her. _Ah _Rosalie, the _love_ of my life and often, a _thorn_ in the sides of others. She had her redeeming qualities, however these did not include her jealous nature or her pigheadedness.

"Whatever I have _been_, I have _never_ put our family at risk", she hissed through gritted teeth.

"I am bored of this. This was a minor slip; Bella will not be put off by this mishap. She is made of stronger stuff. We can return when Jasper is himself and continue with the celebration and all will be well"

"Edward will _not_ allow it. If he had _any_ sense, he will learn from this and _end_ it, _here_, _tonight_!"

I narrowed my eyes at her. At the same time, I noticed that Jasper's struggles had ceased. He stood still, taking deep, heaving breaths. The frenzy was over. I lessened my grip on his arms to a more comfortable hold. If he tried anything, it would be easy to restrain him once more. I leaned my head to the side to get a better look at his face. His features were twisted with pain and anguish. After a few moments, his jaw seemed to relax and his lips eventually parted ever so slightly. He wished to speak. These would be his first words since the growling and roaring had subsided.

"I…I am fine", he spoke with quiet confidence.

After a brief appraisal, I acceded with his statement and released him. Swinging an arm around his neck in a companionable fashion, I ruffled his long, shaggy blonde hair in an attempt to lighten the mood. I laughed, but even to my ears, the sound carried little humour. Even Rosalie had put her quarrel with me aside and I watched as her expression softened. She unfolded her arms and carefully took a hold of one of Jasper's big hands. The gesture was very uncharacteristic. Rosalie was far from the "_touchy-feely_" type and being affectionate was not a trait that any of us could associate with her, except for myself. I _was_ her husband and life partner after all! She _had _to cross the line at _some_ point. However, _this_ was different; even Jasper's curiosity and interest were piqued as the slender hand took hold of his. Her tone was no longer harsh and acidic, but soft and kind. I cocked a suspicious and questioning brow, but she ignored me.

"Jasper… I am _so_ _terribly sorry_…"

I felt the growl rumbling in my chest before I knew it was coming. Jasper's eyes flitted between the two of us and he stepped to the side, backing away from the firing range. My arms were folded across my chest, but my clenched fists were still visible for all to see. Rosalie's angelic face turned impassive, devoid of all emotion. Jasper stood quietly, no doubt preparing to work his charm on us.

"_Don't_".

I warned in a low voice. He sighed. He knew the one word could _only _be meant for him. Shaking his head, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited for the fight to ensue.

"_Drop it_ Rose".

My tone was cutting. If it were anyone else, they would have known _better _than to talk back, but _no_, _not_ Rosalie, _never_ Rosalie. Her face was a picture of innocence.

"I don't know _what_ you are talking about" she replied, airily.

"You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. I don't want you pulling _any _of your manipulative _crap_"

"You will _not_ talk to me in that way _Emmett Cullen_" she snapped back at me, dropping all pretences.

"I will talk to you in _whatever_ way will make you stop trying to come between Edward and Bella's happiness, _Rosalie Hale_. Maybe instead of trying to plant _ideas_ into your _brother's_ head, you should ask him how _he_ feels! Not _everyone_ shares the bitterness that _you_ harbour against the girl" I countered, venomously.

She turned her attention to Jasper, planted herself before him, placed her hands on her hips and visibly shook with undiluted rage.

"_Well_?!?!" She demanded.

I went to stand at his side. I did not doubt for a moment that Jasper would hold anything against either Edward or his extremely tempting, floral scented human companion. Then _again_, _I _had not been the one that had lost control. I could always be around her and not have to worry about keeping my space. I _enjoyed_ being around her. _Jasper_ was different, being newer to our ways, he chose to keep his distance, but he _never _once complained. He did not speak of her much, if at all, but I was sure that he liked her, if only for the friendship that she shared with Alice, if Edward's happiness was not reason enough; but would tonight change things? He looked physically and emotionally drained, as if the battle with himself had cost him more than we could ever know. I often wondered how on earth Edward managed to resist the temptation he inflicted on himself.

Through tired, hungry, black eyes, Jasper stared back at Rosalie and measured his words carefully before he spoke. When he did, his voice was calm, collected and each word rang with sincerity.

"I am ashamed of my behaviour this evening, but it _was_ an accident - "

"An almost _fatal one_!?!" she cried out in argument.

"_Rosalie_!" I snarled back at her. _As if he needed to feel any_ _worse_?!

"Am _I_ the only one of us who sees _sense_ anymore?!", she bellowed back at us.

Jasper held up a hand to indicate that he had not finished having his say. Pursing her lips, she tapped her foot impatiently. He spoke slowly and deliberately.

"I do _not _blame Bella, _or_ Edward for that matter…and I can only _hope_ that they can forgive me for _my_ lapse in control…"

His voice trailed off as he spoke his last words in earnest.

"Forgive _YOU_?!" she shrieked to the skies.

I shot a glance back at the house and cursed. We were having this discussing in the _wrong_ place and at the _wrong _time. Carlisle, Esme and Alice could probably hear every word we said and Edward would be able to pick up on all our thoughts, if he wasn't too busy obsessing over his _own_. I had to put a stop to this conversation. Rosalie saw the look on my face and prepared to break into another rant. I glowered back at her, determined to argue the case with her. That was when Alice materialised by my side.

Rosalie held her tongue and averted her eyes, sulkily. How funny; all the nearly _seven feet_ of me couldn't stop her mouth from running, but _one_ murderous look from _minuscule_ Alice was enough to silence an entire group and bring a chill to the air. Stepping back, I allowed her to take her place by Jasper's side. I would have stood beside my own partner, but at that moment I was too appalled by her behaviour to even look at her and considering the level of her beauty and the adoration I felt towards her, that said _a lot_.

_3/Alice_

I left the kitchen feeling completely wretched. She was my best friend and even _I _could not stand to be in the same room as her whilst the smell of her blood was so fresh and strong. _What must she think of me_, I sniffed to myself. I knew that I was already forgiven. She was so ridiculously understanding when it came to our instincts. She accepted all our potentially life threatening flaws with a shrug and a smile. Truly, she was a wonder, but her nature did nothing for my wounded pride. I honestly thought that I was _better_ than that. I owed it to her as her _friend_! I thought that I could stick it out, just as Edward would have forced himself to, if she did not make an excuse to send him away. I was _not_ as strong as I thought, or maybe I _was_, but I would not test my resolve at the risk of putting her in danger _again_. _One_ disaster this evening was _more _than enough. Bella meant too much to me, to Edward, too _all_ of us…well…with the exception of _one_.

I sighed and took a deep breath, a silly human habit that had no place in our lives, but I did it anyway. As I slipped into the lounge, I saw him standing by the stairs. The door clicked shut behind me, the sound echoed loudly in the silence. He was completely motionless; a marble statue that would have stood eternally beautiful, were it not for the expression on his face. His lips were pressed together so tightly that they existed only as a single, taut line. His nostrils flared with suppressed emotion and worst of all were his eyes. The pain, confusion, doubt, anger and sorrow that mingled there resulted in a look that deemed him utterly defeated. My gut wrenched and if it were possible, my heart would have stopped all over again. My brother's hurt was unbearable and I felt a surge of panic as I realised what could happen next. I wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him and find some way to ease his suffering. If I could convince him that it wasn't so bad… Wincing at the words as they passed through my head, I knew that they were a lie. It _was _bad. It was _terrible_. What had happened had been _awful_ and not just for Bella and himself, but for Jasper and I also. My mind wandered back to the moment when I had seen my love turn from the placid, strong and silent being that he was, to a murderously savage beast with a one-track mind in the blink of an eye.

_If Edward had been any slower…If Emmett hasn't dragged him away…_I bit down on my lip and tried not to think in that way. Edward _had_ reacted quickly and the restof us had been there to protect her. _Everything was fine. Everything would continue to be fine_. These reassurances also seemed like lies, even when I tried to use them in order to pacify my own doubts. Walking up to him, I thought the words. I had to try, even if it my attempt amounted to nothing.

_Edward, please…_

He gestured me to stop with his hand. As he did so, I felt my mind go blank; he began to consider his next course of action. No image stayed long enough for me to make head or tail of what I was seeing. He was contemplating things and changing his mind too quickly for me to obtain any glimpse of what could _potentially _occur in the not too distant future. I didn't need to see what he was thinking to know that whatever it was; it was _bad_. His face gave away too much. To give him too much time to mull things over was unwise. Edward was a thinker by nature; to leave him alone with his thoughts for too long was never a good idea. I knew then that he would pay me no heed and therefore it was up to me to see the others. Maybe with a group effort, we could stop him from deciding to do anything rash. I needed to allow myself that small glimmer of hope.

Flitting to the door, I nearly bumped into Esme, to whom I issued a hasty apology, before heading toward the edge of the stream where I knew I would find Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. Seeing the decorations that I had so beautifully arranged for Bella's arrival sent the guilt racking through me once more. She hadn't wanted a party, but I had insisted on throwing one for my sake as much as hers. It was so wonderful having a human friend with whom I could be myself, hide no secrets from and share the experiences of being a youth of today. I should have respected her wishes, but the temptation was too great. I persuaded myself to believe that once Edward dragged her here kicking and screaming, she would succumb to the spirit of the evening, enjoy herself and have to admit that she wasn't sorry I had gone against her direct orders. My enthusiasm only made everyone else all the more eager to celebrate her special day. It was going to be amazing and supreme amounts of fun! I had planned it all from beginning to end. It would have been an evening she never would have forgotten. It still was an evening she would never forget, but had things turned out the way I had _hoped_, it would have been for reasons of _joy_ and _happiness_ instead of a near death experience. I found myself glaring at the roses that lined the driveway and the lanterns that I had insisted be put up for the occasion. How could I ever forgive myself for this? And _Edward_…how would he see me from now on? I shook my head sadly and focused on putting things right whilst I still had the chance.

As I grew closer to the stream, I could hear them talking in raised voices. The journey may have only lasted a few seconds, but much was said; enough for me to decide that I was _not_ happy in the _slightest _with Rosalie _or _the way in which she spoke to our brothers, _especially_ my Jasper. Stopping beside Emmett, I glared up at her. She knew that I had heard her words and was too cowardly to look me in the eyes; knowing _exactly_ where my _preferences_ and _loyalties_ lay. Emmett moved aside and I took Jasper's hand. My tension eased at our reunion and the feeling of his hand as it closed around mine. I felt the sense of relief I only felt when I was with him. This had nothing to do with his talent, it was purely the effect that he had on me; the effect we had on each other. I had always known that he was the one meant for me. Nothing else had ever really mattered apart from finding the Cullen family.

Looking up into his eyes, the first thing that I noticed was how dark they were, almost black. It seemed incomprehensible, but we had been hunting only _yesterday._ This was the resulting effect of one _single_ drop of human blood. I squeezed his hand, wanting to know how he was feeling, but unwilling to ask in front of the others. He squeezed my hand back to let me know that he was stable and coping. I wanted to smile up at him, but I was too angry to do anything of the sort. My head snapped back and forth between Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie was staring out at the bubbling stream with cold, hateful eyes. Emmett stood staring at the ground with his jaw set and his eyes narrowed into slits. The atmosphere was _beyond_ tense.

My anger bubbled inside of me and I directed it towards the one person who could potentially ruin any chances that we had to put things right, the Goddess before me.

"_Don't _even _think _about it _Rose_. You keep your distance from him. I _mean_ it"

"As if distance matters in the least! I am _sure_ he heard my thoughts the _second _they entered my mind!"

"You had better _pray _that he didn't"

"You fool yourself if you think he needs any persuasion from _me_. You _saw_ the look on his face. We _all _did. It is too late."

"It is _never_ too late"

"Do not kid yourself. It is _over_"

"_No_, it isn't"

"Not _yet_…" she corrected me, with a shrewd smile.

I bared my teeth at her and she laughed bitterly; the sound grated against my ears like nails on a chalkboard. I spoke in a low and dangerous voice and when my eyes fixed on hers, she could not turn away.

"Stay _away_ from the house until he _leaves_"

"Are you _ordering_ me to keep away from my _own_ _home_?"

"_Yes_"

"This is _my_ home too _sister_ and I can come and go as I _please_!"

"_Not_ tonight. _Not _until Bella _leaves_. For God's _sake_ woman, if you are _so_ damn wise and _know_ what he will decide, allow him this short time to enjoy her company without his thoughts being _tainted_ by the likes of _yours_! Don't you think he has enough to think about _without_ hearing and feeling your _scorn_? Allow him _this_…" _One last time_, I thought.

The sorrow and reality hit me like a slap in the face. Seeing the defeat in my eyes, Rosalie folded her arms smugly.

"I _suppose_ that I _could_ allow him that much… but then again, _maybe_ it would be _better_ if I _did _give him a piece of my _mind_"

Storming away towards the house, I hissed after her, but after a flash in the back of my mind, I saw her decision. She would not re enter the house. I calmed myself and Emmett gave me a sad look, before planting a hasty kiss on my cheek and rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"_Someone_ needs to keep her under control" he muttered, as he bounded after her.

I watched as she initially headed towards the house, but then swiftly turned her steps to lead to the garage, just like I knew that she would. Emmett existed as a blur behind her. Jasper's hand let go of mine and he rested his hand on the small of my back. My shoulders slumped in defeat. Not even his calm could save me from what I was feeling.

"It won't work… I am sorry," he stated grimly.

He knew me well enough to know what I was thinking. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if Jasper's manipulation skills could help smooth things out. He was right of course. It would be a futile attempt.

"I can sense his emotions from _here_. They are so intense…so _strong_… He will not_ want _my help. He will _know_ what I am trying to do and he will _fight_ it. Edward is… _stubborn_ when it comes to his suffering. You _know_ this…"

"Is this _really_ it? Was Rosalie right all _along_…?" _Please be wrong_, I silently prayed.

"It will be whatever Edward decides. Rosalie could not have known what would have happened. None of us could have guessed…"

His voice trailed away and I could still see the traces of guilt on his face. I wanted to stay with him, to comfort him and be here for him, but I knew that I _had_ to see Bella. I had an ominous feeling that if I didn't see her tonight, I would _never_ have another chance. I was torn. Jasper felt my indecision and he smiled weakly before sitting down on the grass. He looked up at me with kind eyes.

"Go _back_ Alice… Bella will need some clothes and Esme will be worried"

"Will you be alright?"

"I will be _fine_…although I think it best if I stay outside for a while…"

I could see it in his eyes; he did not trust himself to go back, not just yet, not when there was any chance that there was even the _slightest_ spot of blood. Maybe he felt that his presence would only sway Edward's decision? Maybe he was too ashamed? I did not want him to feel _any_ of these things and at the same time, I could not help but privately agree that he _should_ remain sat here, at _least _until I could ensure that it was _safe _for him to return. Bending down, I kissed the top of his head and brushed my fingers against his cheek. He turned his head and softly kissed my fingertips. I had lingered here long enough. I knew it was time to return to the house. In less than a second, Jasper was alone.

The sound of my entrance was no more than a whisper as I slipped through the front door. Edward was exactly where I had left him. Esme was busily mopping the floor with copious amounts of concentrated bleach. The smell burned my nose, but there was no trace of Bella's blood in the air and it shamefully put my mind at ease. Esme glanced up from her work to give me what she clearly hoped was a reassuring smile. As I went to return it, I caught sight of Edward's profile and my lips froze in only the briefest hint of a smile that did not touch my eyes. Esme met my eyes and slowly shook her head from side to side, just the once. I understood what it meant. She too did not want any one of us to surrender to our thoughts in his presence.

"Alice dear, would you be so kind as to search through my clothes and find something suitable for Bella to wear on her way home, something similar to what she was wearing tonight?"

"Of course", I replied without hesitation.

Before I knew it, I was flitting up the stairs and heading to Carlisle and Esme's room with my thoughts fixed on the one, safe subject: _clothing_. I was too frightened to think of anything else.

_4/Esme_

_Squelch, swish, swish, squelch, swish, swish_

These were the only sounds that existed in this room; just the sound of the mop in my hands gliding repeatedly across the floor and then being wrung out in the bucket by my side. I had probably used much more bleach than was necessary, but it was better to be safe than sorry and I did not think that any of us could be more sorry if we had tried. I was careful to concentrate on nothing but the motion of the mop in my hands and when that became too hard, I counted the times I scrubbed the same spot on the floor like a being that suffered some obsessive compulsive disorder.

After the accident, I had followed them outside with my sleeve held across my nose. I felt truly terrible. I was certain that Bella had expected me to be as restrained and immune as Carlisle, but I was not. How I wished that I was! It broke my heart to see the look on her face as she watched me follow Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper out of the front door. I followed them to the stream and watched as my newest son tried to break free from his brother's grasp. My daughter stood to the side and tried to calm him with soothing words, but they remained unheard. His mind was too filled with his lust for blood to hear anything but the call of the human inside our home. It saddened me no end to see him suffer this way, or to see him try and attack his own siblings of sorts. I did not worry about him breaking free of Emmett's grip. Emmett would hold him there all night if that was what was required and he would not even break into a sweat.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, the air was clearer here and I could feel my own blood lust die down enough for me to feel more upset with myself than I already was. Emmett and Rosalie showed no sign of their emotions. They were too engrossed in their task at hand to find time to indulge in such things as self-reflection. I went to stand between the both of them, carefully avoiding Jasper's thrashing. To Rosalie, I gave a gentle squeeze of her shoulder to which she responded with a small sigh and a shake of her head. As for Emmett, I ran my fingers through his soft, dark, curly hair and patted his back. He turned his head and grinned at me. I smiled back, the gesture only ruined by the sadness in my eyes.

"Do not worry Esme. We have things under control here. You can leave us", he reassured me.

"I know you do…both of you…very well, I shall see you all later"

Tentatively, I reached towards Jasper and then thought better of it. He was not himself. Even when he was himself, he was not always open to affection the way that Emmett, Alice and Edward were. On that level, him and Rosalie could have been related, but it never stopped me trying with either of them and they never shied away from my attempts. I did love them all so very much, my children in so many ways. I promised myself that later, when things were back to normal, when Alice had spent some time with him, after that, I would approach him and offer some form or comfort. _Back to normal_, my thoughts echoed in my head once more and I felt my throat close and quickly left them before I broke into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing.

It was stupid of me give in to myself, to let my thoughts run so wild, but it was uncontrollable. I was a _mother _by nature and I worried about my children so much. All I could think about was my Edward. This girl had brought him so much happiness. Ever since he had met her, he was _complete_. He was always such a wonderful and genuinely _good_ boy. For _decades_, it _pained _me that he was without a partner. He had never expressed any interest in searching for one and when he _had_ received offers from worthy candidates, he had politely refused. Edward was always content just to be part of our family, but I always wanted so much _more_ for him. He _deserved _so much more. And then _Bella_ entered his life and I _knew_ then that all his waiting was worthwhile because it led him to this moment. It was _right_. I never cared that she was a human. If she made my son happy, that was all that mattered to me. Bella was simply lovely. From the moment that Edward had told me about her, I thought that she was an extraordinary girl and shortly after meeting her, I had already begun to love her very much. She had spent so much time with us over the months that I really _did_ consider her as part of my family. We all saw that changes that she brought to Edward and our household; the company she brought Alice and the joy she brought Emmett. She was no longer solely important to Edward, she was important to us all, which made the evening's events seem all the more of a betrayal…

As I reached the front door, I barely noticed Alice cross paths with me. She muttered something, but her words were unintelligible in my preoccupied state of mind. It was only when I walked into the lounge and saw Edward did I master myself, but I already knew that I had waited too long to suppress my thoughts. He had heard them all. The look in his eyes cut me to the core. There was no life in those dead eyes. My son was lost to the world. I couldn't bear to see him this way. I knew better than to speak, but if he thought that I could simply walk by and display no sign of how much I cared for him, he was sadly mistaken. Approaching him, I cradled his face in my hands and watched as his eyes closed and his tense expression softened at my gentle touch. I kissed his delicate lids and willed him to be strong. Seeing him this way did nothing to strengthen my resolve and staying here like this would not have helped hold back my thoughts. There were more important things to do, such as cleaning up the mess that had been left behind. Leaving him without a further word, I went to fetch the required cleaning substances and apparatus. When I returned, all that was left was the blood that was threatening to stain the panelled floor. The sweet boy had taken time from his despair to help me. Before I could allow my emotions to get the better of me, I put all my energy and effort into my task. I only hoped that my attempts to distract my mind would be as successful as Carlisle's undoubtedly would be.

_5/Rosalie _

I threw the door of my red convertible open with more force than was absolutely necessary, leapt into the driver's seat and quickly hit the central locking. I heard the confirming click as all four doors locked down in unison and to my dismay, heard his voice right beside me.

"_Going_ somewhere?" he asked casually.

His arms were folded behind his head. He had already reclined the seat and lay back comfortably with a mischievous smile on his face. I ground my teeth together. No matter how fast I tried to be, he was _always_ faster. There was no escaping him tonight. That smile had two conflicting effects on my insides. Firstly, I wanted to lash out at him; his arrogance was irritating beyond belief and yet, at the same time, it made me a little weak in the knees. It was an expression that made me realise why I loved him so much, showing his undying patience with me where others' faltered. It was a show of his acceptance of the whole package; the various, ridiculous and many flaws of mine that merged together to form me: Rosalie Hale.

The keys stayed in the ignition. I folded my arms and glared out of the windshield, determined to at least _pretend_ that he wasn't there. I let my mind wander back to what I hadn't realised at the time, was the _end_ of our holiday. I didn't care if my thoughts _whispered_ or _shouted_ in the back of my brother's mind! If they _did_ somehow seep through his _self-obsessed_ mind, I would feel _nothing_ but _great _satisfaction.

The extended leave had been _my_ idea. We were _supposed _to be studying at Dartmouth, but the need for a holiday was too great, for _myself _anyway. If it were up to _Emmett_, we would have travelled somewhere more locally, but I wanted to go far, _far _away from our home. Bella's presence was becoming too much for me to bear; how they all _adored_ her and _loved_ her! It made me _sick _to my _stomach_! If _only_ it were because she was a constant liability to our safety! Of _course_ that was the reason that I stated over and over again. For the _most _part, I think that they all believed me…well…_almost_ all of them. There was _no_ escaping _Edward_ and I only handled that fact _gracefully_ because I was safe in the knowledge that _no one_ was safe from Edward's gift, or _curse_ at times. What was even _more_ annoying was the fact that _I_ knew that _he_ knew that _I_ knew and he _still_ showed no indication that he was aware of what was passing through my head! If I _could _have blushed, I _would_ have. It was _so_ thoroughly _embarrassing _and _ridiculous_! _Me_! _Rosalie Hale_! Jealous of a _plain_, human girl! But I _was_ and it _ate_ at me from the inside. The fact that only _he_ could see the truth made it even _worse_ because it was all about _him_.

Carlisle had created me for Edward. It was as simple as _that_. _He _had _Esme_ but _Edward_ had _no one_ to share his life with in an intimate fashion. He wanted Edward to experience what he had. He felt badly for being the _only_ one with a partner. When he found me dying on the streets, he saw his chance to give his son this gift of companionship. I was the same age as he was. I was _breathtakingly _beautiful. I was _everything_ that he deserved and _more _and yet my first memory of Edward was hearing his disapproving tone when he spoke those harsh words that concerned his opinions regarding my "_creation_". He did _not _like me. His words stung. I had _never_ been rejected by the opposite sex! Even _after _I had accepted what I was and decided to coexist with the Cullens, I was too irritated with Edward to _ever_ be able to truly forgive him for puncturing my ego in such a manner. As the years passed, we came to accept each other, but he never gave me cause to believe that he would ever see me as anything more than a _sister_. Despite the fact that I was not interested in him in the _least_, his rejection was a constant buzzing in the back of my mind, even when I thought it wasn't there, it stayed in my subconscious.

When I had found Emmett in the mountains, I was _sure _that the issue was deal with; over, finished, _nevermore_! And Emmett _was _the one. Every second I spent with him proved that he was _meant _for _me_. _So_ my reasons for saving him were _selfish_, but it turned out to be _fate_. We were meant for each other and we were _truly _happy together. Emmett was the best thing that had happened to me and to our family for a long time. When he joined us, Carlisle and Esme had a second son to fuss over and shower with their love with and Edward had a brother! It pleased me that they all accepted each other so readily. When Alice and Jasper found us, we were a family complete and then _Bella_ came along and brought back all the emotions that I had thought did not exist for me anymore. The _inadequacy_! Edward chose a _normal_ looking girl over _me_! It was _humiliating_! I knew it was the _stupidest _thing to let it affect me so, but it _did_ and I couldn't _stand_ to be anywhere near her.

The others thought that I was being unreasonable in my behaviour and I preferred that they held that opinion instead of knowing the truth. Toward Edward, I was grudgingly grateful. His actions and choices may have resurfaced these emotions within me once more, but he was courteous enough to keep my thoughts to _himself_. Although I was furious that he _continued _to see her after the incident involving James, in return for his silence, I gave him the least I could offer – my _absence_. If Bella were nearby, I would confine myself to mine and Emmett's bedroom. If I was forced to pass her by, I did not utter a word or even throw her a glare. After months of learning that my rants and black looks were politely noticed, but ignored, I chose to do all that was left to me; I tried my hardest to pretend that she did not exist.

It was more difficult that I initially imagined. Even when she was out of sight, Alice would speak of her with such a level of affection that it often made me turn on my heel and leave the room. Esme and Carlisle had the consideration to mention her as little as possible in my presence. Jasper posed no problem whatsoever, then again, he _was_ quiet by nature. The most irritation I felt was directed to the beautiful, burly man that was sat by my side. He had _always_ known my disapproval of her and yet, he had managed to become emotionally involved with the girl! Constantly he tried to persuade me to let go of whatever it was that I clung to so desperately that made me hate her so much and begged me to give her a chance. When I was brave enough to ask what was so damn appealing about her, I had instantly regretted it. He had rambled on and on about how much fun she was, for reasons that were deliberate and also out of her control. I knew my partner well enough to know that his words were heartfelt and genuine, he was becoming attached to her and that did _not_ sit well with me. I did not want him spending more time with her than absolutely necessary. What angered me more was that I could not find it in me to outright _forbid _him to see her. Emmett was not the kind of person with whom you set limitations, in his books rules were made to be broken. I had to be slyer about it and our _supposed_ move to College seemed the best time for me to express my wish for some _alone_ time. Knowing my love, I knew _just_ the right things to suggest: nice lapse security, wide-open spaces, and big brutal predators to hunt and play with. Africa seemed like the _perfect_ place. We could laze around during the day and then be masters of the night. He was quick to succumb to my will.

Our first week passed and it was wonderful, I managed to persuade him to stay a second and then after that, a third. He didn't argue on either count, although half way through the second week, I could tell that he was eager to return home. He was missing Edward and Jasper; it was obvious. It was also Africa itself, the country had it's charm, there were lions a plenty, but we both knew that this would have been a location better suited to Edward's feline preferences. Emmett was clearly pining for his grizzlies the way a man may suffer in the absence of his lover!

On the same evening that he had begun to display a lack of interest in our surroundings, we were lazing upon our super king-sized bed on the very top floor of the tallest, most lavish hotel, facing our open balcony with a stunning view, watching the sunset. I was lying in Emmett's huge, muscular arms with my head tucked comfortably under his chin. He was stroking my hair absentmindedly, when his cell phone began to vibrate and ring. I scowled immediately, it was unlike anyone to disturb us whilst we were on our travels. We were normally the ones who made the calls. As usual, Emmett shared _none_ of my annoyance and flipped open his phone without checking the caller id and pressed it to his ear.

"_Hey_!" he said in a cheerful, enthusiastic greeting. I could hear it in that one word. He really _was_ missing home.

Whoever it was could have only been a member of our family, there was no need for any formal greeting; nobody else had that number. Due to our keen hearing, I did not need to guess who our mystery caller was. It was Alice; I could hear her high-pitched voice babbling at high speed as it often did when she was excited about something. Emmett only listened; the opportunity to slip a word in edgeways had not yet presented itself. From the moment he had answered the call, she had confirmed its purpose in one extremely long sentence, through which there was no pause or breath taken. Where I lay, I could hear her voice as clearly as if she were in the same room. I could picture her as she spoke, jumping up and down on the tips of her toes with her hands clasped together in a pleading gesture. Her eyes would be as wide as possible, as she sought to charm Emmett with the face and look that she knew would win him over.

"_Emmett! Oh Emmett! Guess what?!? No don't!! Let me tell you!! It's Bella's birthday in three days! AAAGGGHHH!!! A birthday!! We can celebrate a birthday!! I have everything planned! It is going to be incredible and so much fun and oh Emmett you must come back! You must you must you must! It would, mean so much to her if we were all here! Say you will come! For Bella's sake! For our sake! She misses you, you know? I cannot make fun of her the way you do! Please say you'll come?! Please, please pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssssssse!!!!!!!???_"

The frown that I had worn at the start of her plea deepened as Emmett laughed his booming laugh.

"I wouldn't miss it for the _world_!"

"_You'll come_?!?!"

"_Sure_ we will! We'll catch the _first _plane back _tomorrow_"

"_We_?!", I growled up at him. Alice would have heard that, but she ignored my blatant aversion to the idea.

"_First_ plane tomorrow", he assured her, followed by a low chuckle, before adding, "I _can't_ wait! See you all when we get back"

I muttered a string of profanities as I pulled myself out of his embrace. Marching across the room, I planted myself in front of the balcony and presented him with the view of my back.

"_Come on_ Rose, don't be like _that_", he complained.

"_You_ go. _I'll _stay here", I stated icily.

"_Rosalie_…" he said my name softly in form of request.

"_What_?" I snapped back over my shoulder.

"Will you _please_ look at me…"he begged.

I whipped around and pierced him with the full force of my glare. I often wondered why I wasted my efforts on him. The moment that he saw my face, he just gazed at me, his expression euphoric. I couldn't deny that it pleased me, Emmett _always_ knew how to make me feel beautiful. Under the influence of his adoration, some of my tension unintentionally melted away. He was quick to see an opening and he struck when the time was right, he wasn't just ridiculously handsome, _no_, at times he could be _very_ cunning indeed.

"Let's go _home_. This could be _fun_! You don't have to do _anything_ but show up, I _promise_. Think of what it'll mean to the rest of them. I _know_ it will mean a lot to _me_".

I rolled my eyes and considered his words. When he put it like _that_, he didn't make it sound so _terrible _and Alice _did_ know how to show everyone a good time. I didn't reply so much as I shrugged, but he knew that I had given in. I was rewarded with a smile and a kiss that made me feel like the most desired woman on the planet. How I _loved _Emmett.

So, we returned the next day and I reluctantly helped Alice with her preparations and the evening arrived sooner than I would have liked, but now, looking at the result of the evening, I was positively delighted that we had returned. Had we not, I never would have witnessed the moment with my own two eyes. I had always known that Bella would not have been hurt, there were too many of us and Edward was so overly protective of her that there was _never_ a chance that Jasper could have harmed a hair on her head. It was ironic how it was in fact _he_ that he inflicted the most damage upon her in his attempt to get her out of Jasper's way. It amused me, but not in a way that I could truly enjoy, it was only in the bitterest sense. If they had listened to me _before_, if he had ended it when it was obviously _destined_ to end in disaster, then this would _not _have happened. One look at his expression told me that he realised that I had been right all along. The acknowledgement caused a smug expression to pass across my face, as I helped Emmett drag Jasper away from the house. Edward may or may not have seen it, but it didn't matter anymore. The damage was done the inevitable had occurred, I was _right_ and he had been _wrong_. He would now have to live with the consequences of his actions and choices.

Sitting here now, I wanted to feel more pleased with myself, but there was one result that would not bring me any joy, no matter how _deserved_ it seemed. Victorious as I felt, it bothered me immensely to know that Edward would be _miserable_. My brows puckered and I found myself resenting Bella with every fibre of my being. Edward had been content before he had met her and then she had come along and ruined _everything_! I _hated_ her _now_ more than _ever _and through it, I found what I was looking for, that pure _relief_ in that it would soon be _over_. She would soon be _gone_ and we could all get on with our lives. _This is a good thing; this is the best thing that could have happened_. I believed these words as I repeated them in my mind; they made perfect sense, to _me _at least.

"What are you thinking?" Emmett asked me in a wary tone.

"_Nothing_ he doesn't already _know_", I replied curtly.

He frowned. I frowned back and then sighed. It was going to be a long night.

_6/Jasper_

I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing sounds of the nature that surrounded me, the wildlife and the bubbling and churning of the stream before me. It was easier to keep my calm out here; the air was clear and fresh and I was able to be myself once more, but it provided no escape from the memory my actions. Not even the buzzing of everyone else's emotions that tormented me could take away the shame that I felt.

I had always known that I was the one who would be most likely to slip when it came to our _special _diet. The others had been raised differently; their kill count was _laughable_ in comparison to my own. This was not something that I was proud of, it was something that I wanted to forget, but my excessive years of feeding off human blood had left me with a taste for it that the others could not comprehend. When Edward had first brought Bella to our home, I had been apprehensive and kept my distance. I tried my best to be polite and not cause any offence, but I wanted to be cautious and neither Edward nor Alice thought my actions unwise. When Alice and I had volunteered to hide and protect her in Phoenix, I had approached the task in a businesslike manner; it was a mission to be accomplished and the ex-solider in me made it easier to behave accordingly. I had been able to sit by her side and on a few occasions, I had even braved a light touch to her shoulder in order to help calm her when necessary. I was proud of myself and I was almost, but not completely sure that this was a positive sign. I hoped that I had grown stronger, more resilient and yet, upon our return, I continued to resume the safe distance that I had before our time together. I was never entirely able to dislodge the feeling that I still posed something of a danger. As things turned out, I was right to remain vigilant; this evening had confirmed my worst fears. Regardless of what I pretended to be and tried to fight, I _was_ a monster.

It had been out of my control, it was instinct. All it has been was an accident; a paper cut of the smallest kind and one single, solitary bead of ruby red blood that had glistened on the tip of her finger. The sight and the smell had driven all reason from me and all I had wanted was to sink my teeth into her and drink my fill. I had even tried to attack my own brother to try and get to her! _Where_ was my self-control?! _Where _was my ability to distinguish between friend and foe? All I had seen was a competitor standing in my way! The _worst_ part of it all was the knowledge that _no one_ would be angry with me, they didn't need to be; it was almost _expected _of me. _I_ was the one with problems; I was the one who found it all too difficult. They didn't _need_ to be angry with me; I was angry enough for all _seven _of them!

The fact that I sat alone and far away enough from the house to remain unseen did not spare me from the onslaught of their emotions. Wave after wave hit me, all of their feelings, all at once, never allowing me a moment to completely satisfy my need to wallow in self-pity. Rubbing my fingers in small circular motions around my temples, I attempted to ease some of the tension from my mind. I was not used to experiencing all these emotions in such quantities, not from them, not now. It was an unbearable experience that I had hoped would remain buried in my past, except this was worse than back then. Back then, it had all been anger and hatred and that was all I had ever known. Now it was sorrow, depression and confusion and it came from everywhere, I felt myself being dragged down along with everyone else and being engulfed by their feelings. I could feel Alice's sorrow, Edward's desperation and anger, Esme's depression, Emmett's worry, Rosalie's disgust and Carlisle's determination. Unsurprisingly, it was only Bella's emotions that differed from anyone else's, from her, all I could sense was her guilt. This disturbed me greatly, why on earth would she feel guilt over what happened? I honestly wished that there was some way in which I could have apologised to her, but I wasn't ready to face _her_ or _any _of them, not _yet_.

I could feel it, things were coming to a head, emotions were running too high and soon enough, they would explode. The question remained, would I stay here or would I return to the house? I felt no comfort in the thought of returning inside. Creeping to the edge of the bank, I gazed down at my reflection and some of my apprehension towards seeing the others was alleviated by the fact that I could see the reflection of my eyes – they had colour once more. My hunger had died down and two golden eyes stared back at me. Sitting back down, I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on my folded arms. I would stay here until the emotions that pounded down upon me died down a little, I would stay here until Edward and Bella were gone.

_7/Carlisle_

Strangely enough, in the kitchen, tending to the girl who had been attacked, was where I found the most peace. If I ventured out of this room, I knew that all I would find was panic, depression and regret. Here in the kitchen, Bella and I could safely deal with the catastrophe in a calm and collected manner and that we did, for surprisingly calm she _was_. She did not make a fuss as I plucked the fragments of glass from her arm, or when I stitched her wound. In fact, she chose our moment alone to converse with me and ask me questions that I answered to the best of my ability.

It was easy hiding my thoughts from Edward. I was well practised in the art, but the truth remained that there was nothing left for me to think about. I knew my son, better than the others, sometimes even better than he knew himself, I already knew what he would decide before he thought it. Edward was prone to overreacting on a grand scale to the most minor of things where Bella was concerned, however, this had been no minor accident; it could have been the death of her. My son was stubborn and once he made a decision, there was no swaying him. I knew that to try would be a lost cause; in his current state, there would be no talking to him and by the time he would be ready to discuss the situation with us, his decision would already be made. Did it sadden me? Of course it did, but I knew that my thoughts were better spent elsewhere, on the girl before me.

I answered her questions for another purpose, I wished to give her an insight into Edward that he could not. I wanted her to have something to think of when he was gone, some fragments of information to look back on and see why he would do what he was about to do and maybe understand. She was so strange; she was comfortable in our company, which brought us great joy and made us feel less alien to the world and she was also strong. All the while we had been sat together, she had never said a bad word in regards to Jasper, she was more concerned about Edward's reaction and even more focused on how to join us so that she could cause less discomfort to _us_! Naturally there was the more important fact that she wished to be with Edward _forever_, but she was so considerate when it came to our instincts and needs, she genuinely cared and wanted what was best for us.

It seemed bizarre that one so impervious to our natural affect on humans could also be so delicate and what made her vulnerable was her love for my son. They were two of a kind from two different worlds, but they shared that one weakness – their love for each other. Jasper attacking her had left her mildly shaken, but she was willing to put the whole ordeal behind her, forgive, forget and move on. When Edward did what he would surely decide was best for her…no… I couldn't think about that right now. Right now, she needed to see one person who could look her in the eye without shame or concern; it was the least I could give her and so much less than she deserved.

Our conversation had left her quiet and subdued, in all fairness I had given her much to think about. I smiled at her warmly as I led her out of the kitchen and into the lounge. Esme had almost finished mopping the floor and Alice who had been waiting for us, escorted Bella upstairs to help dress her in something a little more _conspicuous_ than her blood-drenched clothes; leaving me alone with my wife and my son, who was stood by the door. Esme was busying herself, but I could see that she was reaching breaking point. My additional presence did not help her, she was be overwhelmed with the need to speak with me, but knew that she could not until Edward had departed and as for Edward, he kept his expression blank and his eyes cast down. I suppressed my sigh; my son was so predictable, already he was masking his emotion, a façade that simply would not last. His face may have been neutral, but behind those eyes, I could see the anger that burned within him.

A minute passed and I saw the blur of Alice, carrying Bella back down the stairs. They had been talking about him; that much was obvious, I could tell by the reluctance in Alice's face and the apprehension in Bella's eyes as she approached him. Esme, Alice and I bid her goodnight and watched as our son wordlessly escorted her from our home to her truck. We stood in the open doorway and watched them as they drove away; only when the sound of the truck could no longer be heard, did we exhale. I hadn't realised that we had all been holing our breath.

With Edward out of sight, one by one, our superficial expressions faltered and crumbled. Esme's frame trembled with grief and she reached for my hand; I ignored it and pulled her to my side, where she instantly moulded herself to me and buried her face against my chest. A sob escaped her lips and she rose a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. Alice stood at her side, chewing down on her lip, eyes boring into the darkness, waiting no doubt for the vision of what was to come.

"_Oh Carlisle_", Esme sniffed.

"_I know_…" it was all I dared to say.

"_Maybe he won't_…" Alice whispered into the night.

Tried as she had, there was no hiding the doubt in her voice.

"_Maybe_…" I replied. Who was I to rule out all hope?

It was no use; even my word, which was accepted above all others held no conviction here, we all knew that there would be no maybe. When Alice spoke next, her expression was numb and her voice was empty.

"I am going to sit with Jasper for a while"

"He needs you I am sure" I agreed soothingly.

With the smallest nod, she left. Esme and I remained there in a silence broken only by her soft crying, waiting for our son to come home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Right & Wrong 

_1/Edward_

I watched her, ever inch of her as she slept, paying attention to the smallest of details. The slow, steady rising and falling of her chest. The way in which her hair constantly threatened to slide across her cheek and fall over her eyes. I was forever brushing it back over her shoulder, but then she would shift in her sleep and it would happen all over again. These were such small things, but from them, I took the greatest pleasure. I smiled at the way her inviting lips rested, slightly parted; tempting me in her slumber. Now an again, I would gently lean across her and gently touch my lips to hers. My kiss would be so delicate and light that she would barely feel it, but as my breath blew across her, she would smile in her sleep and I could only stare at the beauty that the expression held for me. The occasional twitch of her eyes beneath her closed lids as she dreamed made me wonder what she saw there. Did she see me? I hoped that she did. Any regret I felt toward my inability to dream was placated by the fact that instead, I could afford this luxury, to simply gaze at her all through the night. The warmth of her body radiated through the blanket that separated us, caressing my skin. The gentle sound of her soft breathing was music to my ears. Despite the dark, in the moonlight that spilled from her window, her ivory skin appeared to glow for me. Through all of this, I held my breath. I wanted to focus on all these seemingly small and insignificant details which I found so beautiful, so alluring, before I gave in to the inevitable pull; the factor that had drawn me to her the most; her scent. That glorious, magnificent and gravitationally pulling scent; the smell so incredible, I thought that it could only exist in my wildest dreams, but it was real and living with it was like being trapped inside a hellish nightmare.

She felt so comfortable, so safe, here, in my arms, her back turned to me, nestled against my hard, icy chest; so convinced that she was out of harms' way. Did she not know that she was trapped in the clutches of a monster? Her faith in me was astounding, irrational and positively wrong and yet, it made my love for her all the more intense, my need to protect this foolish girl all the more prominent.

So many times I had tried to describe to her the way in which her blood called to me, my constant battle with myself, but words were never enough. It had done my best to give her examples closest to which she could possibly relate to her knowledge, but the comparisons seemed weak and insulting to the inescapable attraction that I felt toward her. She had nodded understandingly and looked at me with those big, brown, sympathetic eyes, filled with repentance; the look that both saddened and infuriated me all at once. _Typical _Bella, only _too_ ready to take the blame for all things completely out of hers or anyone else's control. I sighed heavily, the movement too sudden. She shuffled in her sleep, a look of unease momentarily etched across her face and then she eased herself backwards, felt my presence once more and snuggled back into me gratefully. Back into the hold of the soulless, lifeless, wretched creature of the night.

Lying here, watching her, inhaling her heavenly, tormenting scent, I knew that the time had come for me to dwell upon those things that I had shied away from the entire evening. Until now, there had only been anger, jealousy and bitterness. Throughout the car journey back to her home, I had refrained from uttering a word, however, regardless of my attempts to keep my expression vacant, she had seen through me. She had noticed the underlying, simmering rage in my eyes and she had to say the words. The words that she undoubtedly meant to ease my tension, but brought about my embarrassing attack on Mike Newton, that irritating, blonde idiot of a human boy who's thoughts about her made me imagine doing to him the most unpleasant things. Childish as my anger infused rant may have seemed; the points that I made had been valid and true. I had pressed upon her the facts that I had attempted to bring to her attention from the first moment that I had met her; I was dangerous, we were dangerous for her and she would be better off with a human boyfriend.

I had suppressed my dislike towards the thought at the time. Now I was free to react in whatever way I pleased, away from the prying, scrutinising eyes of others. The mere thought of any of the other boys that attended Forks High School even approaching her or any other boy for that matter caused a sharp hiss to escape from between my grinding teeth. Once more, my temper had got the better of me. The sound pierced the quiet, calm atmosphere that resided here in the bedroom. Bella's brow furrowed, her breathing becoming irregular. I could feel her about to turn and lifted my arm accordingly, so that she could move with ease. Clumsily, she rolled onto her other side and flailed her right arm high enough so that it landed heavily across my middle. I bit back a chuckle at the mildly irritated look on her face and the stubbornness with which her fingers clung to my now, suitably wrinkled shirt. Her face nuzzled against my neck and a small, contented sigh escaped her lips. She was settled and snoozing comfortably once more.

I was distracted from my thoughts by her hair once more. There was no need for me to push it away from her face, what was not trailing on the pillow behind her was pinned beneath her; exposing the full length of her neck. I gazed at the soft flesh and felt the urge to lower my head and press my lips against its side, to inhale deeply, but I did not. I could not allow my thoughts to be disturbed now. It could be argued that it may have been easier had I held my breath once more, exterminating the one thing that clouded my ability to think and see clearly. On the other hand, I found it essential to my train of thought. I needed the reminder of what I was. I needed this personal torment to help me decide what was best for her. Tearing my eyes away from her neck, I simply stared at her face. It was possible for me to think and look down upon her at the same time; I refused to do otherwise. Any moment that I was in her presence and not able to look upon her was one that I considered to be a crime. I used all of these things, these sensual aids, to manipulate my thoughts, to help put me on the right track.

Forcing my mind back to the car journey, I considered Bella's reaction to my thoughts and warnings. Bella, being Bella, obviously had not listened to a word that I had said, or, more to the point, she had listened but she did not care. She made her feelings in regards to the evening and our relationship perfectly clear; she wanted no other and she would take all the risks that came hand in hand with our romantic involvement without comment. Her adamant behaviour had only made my jaw tighten and renewed my unwillingness to discuss the matter further. As stubborn as I was, so was she. Both of us so firmly set in our opinions, so obstinate that further attempts at conversation were futile.

She sought to change the subject, choosing to play her "_It's my birthday_!" card. I reluctantly went along with her game and behaved accordingly. She seemed convinced that her act had fooled me; that she was successfully beginning to draw my mind away from the catastrophe that had been our evening. I let her believe it; it was for the best. I found myself waiting for her to sleep; it was near impossible to immerse myself in my own thoughts under her keen eyes. She saw so much, too much in my face. If she saw any hint of my broodings, she would only remain awake and seek to distract me further. Her most winning and persuasive manoeuvre had been the kiss, a birthday request. In all honesty, I was far from in the mood to participate. It was an experience that I associated with joy and happiness; I had no wish to taint the sensuality with my dark mood. My resistance was to no avail, she had looked upon me with those pleading eyes and I was unable to refuse her.

As I reached for her face, pressing my lips against hers, a fire burned within me, a surge of passion that I could not comprehend, that was fuelled by my internal, ever-building anger. How were such emotions and needs connected in such a way? My hands tangled in her hair, behind her neck, pressing her face closer to mine. My lips moved against hers, hard and hungry. Somehow, I allowed myself this lapse in restraint and pushed my body up against her. She responded eagerly, too eagerly and I managed, with great difficulty, to pull myself away before it was too late_. Too late_, I laughed to myself bitterly; it was _already_ too late. Why else had I allowed myself that one moment to go that fraction further in regards to our physical intimacy? My subconscious had known what I was about to decide before even I did, that was the only acceptable answer that I could fathom. It was my one last kiss that I could remember her by, the final kiss that tested both of the urges that battled within me; my urge as a man and the never ending, unquenchable thirst for her blood. That single kiss had left her trembling with a desire for more, whilst leaving me wishing that I were human or just human enough so that I could kiss her in such a way forever.

She often scoffed at the care with which I handled our intimacy issues, she thought that my self control came so easily to me, that I was so perfect; the master of my instincts. And I was, I _had_ to be, in order not to kill her. Regardless of my still heart and my unnatural state of existence, natural, primal urges still resided within me. Until I had met her, it had not been so. Until she had come alone, the only need I had suffered was the need to feed. Only when I became acquainted with her did the teenage boy in me resurface; all the emotions and feelings that I had thought had been left and forgotten in a life which existed as the briefest glimpse of a memory to me, had come flooding back.

Unknowingly, she had turned my world upside down. For almost a century, in human years, I had grown old; trapped inside this youthful body and now, it was as though she had dragged me back through time. I was becoming the boy that I had once been, almost eighty years since, and here I was now, existing intellectually as both an experienced man and naïve adolescent as one. Did I regret the effect that she had on me? I was not ashamed to say that I did not. It was selfish of me, completely and utterly so, considering the danger in which I had put her and continued to put her, but for the first time since I was created, I felt truly alive and almost human once more. For all the things that had gone wrong, I could not deny that these few months with her had been the best of my life. However, with the renewal of these human and adolescent feelings and reactions, how could it not claw at my insides knowing that any other male could simply kiss her? A human partner could consider kissing her without sparing a second thought, for as long as he wished. He could hold her during the moment, letting her move against him, allowing them to be physically aware of one another and embrace the pleasurable sensation without worrying about accidental death! No, not for _us_, for us, that was taking things _too far_.

_She_ thought that _I_ thought that she should be afraid of me and it was not that wrong an impression for her to gain; I had always stated that she should fear me. What was not so obvious was the lesser-known fact that I in fact equally feared _her_. It was not in the sense that I found her frightening in the least, that concept was laughable. It was all in regards to the way in which she responded to my kiss. Her reaction was perfectly natural; she was, after all, a hormone driven young woman. It was the sheer force and enthusiasm with which she reciprocated the actions; she was _unbearable_! She was simply just _too _tempting, to _both_ sides of my nature and I could not allow her to lead me down any path that may have led me to cause her harm, or in _this _case, certain _doom_. Externally, I held onto my dignity by assuming the expression and tone of a firm adult who knew better, on the inside, I sulked like a child unable to get his own way.

I had to act in her best interests. I could not bring myself to act in any way that led to hurt, I had already caused too much; not that she ever saw things that way. The incident that landed with her almost dead was an accident, a misfortune in _her _books. To _me_, it was my _entire_ fault. Against my better judgement, I had given in to my desire and approached her. _I_ had brought her into our world and that was the price she had had to pay. The events of this night were also a consequence of _my_ actions.

It was quiet, as quiet as it could be as I glanced over at the digital alarm clock perched on the dresser table behind my shoulder. _Three o'clock_ in the morning, it read. I still had time. Thinking was easier here; people to whose thoughts I was permanently attuned no longer surrounded me. From Charlie, there were only the strange ramblings that existed in his dreams; these were easily ignored, as were the faint whispers of the fellow students that resided in any homes close by. As for Bella, there was, as always, _nothing_. She remained my personal mystery.

Once more I gazed down at her longingly. Her arm suddenly tightened around me and for the briefest second, I feared that she had sensed my upcoming thoughts. The fingers that clutched at my side relaxed and she mumbled something unintelligible under her breath. My lips twitched involuntarily at the sound, before I forced myself to delve into the thoughts that hovered, waiting to consume me.

I already knew what I should decide; it was now only a case of reaching the decision in the correct frame of mind. I needed to be sure of myself, sure of her, before I committed to the inevitable choice. What it all came down to were several very simple questions; questions that had stayed in the back of my mind since the day that we had declared our feelings to each other; questions constantly and conveniently _ignored_, but always waiting for their chance to pounce on and devour me. Now I would let them have their chance. I could not think of them before and why? It was for the simple reason that I did not and had never wanted to. I was too happy you see, too absorbed in this new way of living, this love, this joy. I did not want to consider anything that may cause me to see things differently. As I had told her on so many occasions, I was too selfish, I enjoyed being in her presence too much and then, when I had grown to love her, I wanted the moment to last forever…in which case, I was referring to the remaining span of her life. However, tonight changed things dramatically. I could not allow myself to be so selfish, not anymore. The questions were ready, waiting and gently, I allowed them to occupy my mind, one at a time. I tried to find and maintain a sense of personal detachment; it would be the required state of mind, as I chose to mull things over. It would not do let my feelings interfere with the way in which I reviewed the situation. I found my lips moving unconsciously as I asked myself the all too painful question: _Why does she love me_?

Did she in fact love me or did she only think that she did? How could she possibly be so certain that what she felt for me was love when she had no previous experiences with which to compare? I know what it was that I felt towards her, but to confirm her side, all I had were her words. I could not help but wonder if there was more that she could have said but would not. Unable to access her thoughts, I remembered what I had heard in the minds of other teenage girls. I never pried, their voices found me and gushed uncontrollably and irritatingly in my ears. I had heard enough to learn that at this age, there was no such thing as love in the purest sense.

The days where emotions of that level and strength existed within this particular age group were long gone; the concept had died _ironically_ near the same time as _I_. Times were no longer simple and people now aged and lived for much, much longer. There was no need for hurried lives; people had more time in which to achieve their life goals. Even now, in their later teenage years, in comparison to my time, these were mere _children_. They could afford to plough through several thousand casual partners before they decided to settle down with just the one. At this age, relationships of the romantic kind were merely a form of recreation, a tool for gossip. Only occasionally, there would be a pair who would swear that they were in love with one another, only to shortly after discover that they were in fact, _not_. It all came down to age; they were hormonal, unpredictable and experimental and there was no stability. This was the impression that I had gathered in my two years at High School in Forks. Then Bella had come along and changed my view entirely, if _only _towards _her_.

What was it that she could possibly love about me? Was it purely the attraction? I was the first to admit that there had to be more to it than that, although its part was a significant one. Even now, after all our time together, when she thought that I did not notice, I would catch sight of her staring at me in wonderment. The way in which she regarded my physical appearance was both pleasing and alarming. _Pleasing_ in the sense that it was, of course, _comforting_ to know that she found me appealing. _Alarming _was the mantle on which she placed me and how _oblivious_ she was to the beauty that was _hers_.

I, my behaviour, my life, my kind also intrigued her. Her ability to relate to other humans was limited. Although she loved her family, she never spoke of anyone that she might have considered a friend. She was a loner by nature. I was both flattered and furious that she had taken an interest in me, It had made my attempts to ignore her all the more difficult. Upon the beginnings of our initial bonding, she had bombarded me with questions, as I had her and from that moment, we were tied, already in too deep.

Was it her obsessive interest and the strangest things that we had in common, combined with our physical attraction that merged to form the reasons why she thought that she loved me? We could converse for hours and never tire, sit comfortably in silence simply enjoying each others' company and between us, there was a chemistry that I never would or could have believed possible, had I not experienced it – but was all this only something which I could give? Was there no other out there more worthy, better suited to give her the life, experiences and joy that she so thoroughly deserved without putting her at risk?

I could not help but think that she gave me _too _much, _too_ quickly and so _completely_. I was her first "_love_" and despite her comparative degree of maturity to other students, she was still so _innocent_, so _sweet_ and _pure_. She had so much to give someone, more that I could ever deserve and yet she handed me her heart on a silver platter, so ready to sign her life away to me; _only_ me. She saw the look in my eyes whenever she professed her love; the eternal sorrow in my eyes, undisguised by the smallest of smiles. I had begun to conceal my emotions better in her presence; it only strengthened her resolve when she noted my silently, subdued look

It did not mater that she thought that she loved me, she was still only human. No matter what her protests entailed, she was susceptible to change and I waited for it, all the time, every day and to my pleasure and great dismay, she showed no sign of slipping away from me. Her love, her attachment had only grown stranger and stronger. I realised then that it did not matter why she loved me, she simply did and she clung to that emotion, too terrified to let go. In that sense, I could relate to her only too well, we both did.

I stopped my thoughts for a moment to brush my lips against her forehead. As I considered the next question, my arms tightened around her. The urge to wake her was strong. I fought it only by remembering why I was doing what I was doing, thinking what I was thinking. If I woke her, I would only find a reason to stop, to give in to myself, to her, to kiss her, to be selfish all over again. The selfishness had to stop. Taking a deep breath, I let her intoxicate my senses once more; it helped put things back in perspective. I was the monster again, the monster that loved her more than life itself and could not bear the thought of lifting my arms away from her. I shook my head silently and reluctantly tore my eyes away from her face to gaze at the plain, blank ceiling. My lips pressed together, my forehead creased. This question was the hardest: _How much did I love her_?

It required no hesitation; the answers poured from the bottom of my cold heart that resided in this marble chest. I loved her more than _anything_, more than _everything_. She was the purpose of my existence; she gave my entire life and all that had come after _meaning_. There was _nothing _about her that I did not love, not one single, solitary thing. I loved it _all_, her clumsiness, her foolishness and arrogance. Every single part of her called to me and I yearned for her, not just the smell of the blood that I craved I drink, absolutely everything: emotionally, physically and mentally. I wanted her _all_.

With my eyes forced away, my hearing honed in on her. It was amazing what I could hear, every beat of her heart, that pumped the blood around her glorious form, every second of every day. I could hear it, the whooshing sound as her blood moved through her and with each pulse, emitting that torturous scent rising from her skin. Every second was heaven, ever second was hell, but I loved her and she made it worth the constant agony.

She was beautiful in every way possible, from the way she looked to the way in which she loved. Her intellectuality and attitude only attracted me even more, as did my frustrating inability to read her thoughts. She was the most precious thing that existed in this world, in the universe and that would never change. I had lived long enough to know that she was the one that I was meant to love, had _always_ been meant to love. I would love her like no other because unlike all the promises and declarations that humans enjoyed to make to one another, my love for her _would _be forever.

I loved her enough that the thought of existing without her was too painful to even consider. When I had told her what I had contemplated during the time when I thought that she might have died, she had been furious with me. I had let her have her say, but I had never regretted my thoughts. I could not and would not live in a world where she did not exist. As she had lay recovering in the hospital bed, I had almost found the courage and will to do what was right and naturally, upon waking, she had shattered my determination. It upset me no end to see her so distressed, almost as much as it did knowing that being with me was a danger to her, so I succumbed to her will. If only it were because she wanted me, that at least would have made the sacrifice minutely selfless, but it was because _I_ wanted her _too_. If I hadn't, I would have ended it there and then. My selfishness had much to answer for. I had wanted what was best for her, but after the ordeal, my feelings were thrice as strong, the resistance I had shown whilst extracting James' venom from her only proving the extent and value in which I held her. The aftermath of the events made me more aware of what I _should_ do and more reluctant to _do_ it. How could I relinquish the one whom I loved with every fibre of my being? How could I release my hold on her when her hold on me was so immense, so final and so powerful?

Tonight had changed things dramatically. I had always fooled myself into thinking that I could keep her safe; I had never dreamt that she would be in danger of being attacked by a member of my own family. I did not hold it against my brother. The accident only proved that I had been the one at fault. I had been so careless and thoughtless, that I had overlooked the constant, looming threat that was presented in the form of _us_. I was always too preoccupied with suppressing my own thirst, knowing that I was the only one that was affected by her so. I never stopped to think about such insignificant things, such as how her endearing accident-prone nature and ludicrously bad luck could lead to a potential feeding frenzy, whilst she was locked in a house full of vampires! How did I feel about her now? Did I love her more than ever? Did I want to protect her more than ever? Yes and yes, but did I love her enough to do what was best for her?…

Could I let her go? Could I walk away and pretend that we had never met? Could I go back to the life that I had tolerated day by day at a snail's pace before she had arrived in this small town? I could walk away. For _her_ sake, I _could_ leave, but I could _never_ forget her and there was no possible way in which I could _ever _return to my previous state of being, not now, not knowing what I was about to lose. After nearly one hundred years of self-indulgence, this would be my sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice; so unbearable was the thought, I was unsure how I would cope. I forced my mind to return to her. This was not about _me_, it was all about _her_ and if _my _suffering meant that _she_ would be safe, I would take _all_ the pain in the _world_. Her happiness and safety meant more to me than my own and I would do whatever it took to do what was best for her. I wanted to plan further, if only for the sake of the distraction from the pure agony and loss that lurked around the corner, ready to consume me, but it was impossible.

Right now, at this moment, she lay in my arms and I knew that this was it, the last night that we would ever spend together in this way. I could not plan; I would not plan. For once, all I wanted was for the night to never end, to never have to face another day, to never have to face this problem, to merely stay here this way in each other's embrace. The hours of the night that had caused me depression before now had a new meaning to me; they were the eight or nine hours on a daily basis where we would lie together, undisturbed and I could watch her and have her all to myself. For these hours, she was mine. I had to have these last several hours to be with her in this way, to memorise the feel of her body against mine, so that when I was gone, I could cling to the memory and carry it with me always. I begun to stroke her hair, savouring the feel of the long, soft strands as they slipped through my fingers; breathing in the pleasant smell of her shampoo that compliment the scent that was her own.

In inhaled and exhaled deeply, controlling the emotions that fought to get the better of me. My decision was made, I could afford to stop thinking, at least until she awoke. I would savour these few hours like the last few breaths of a dying man. When she awoke, I would kiss her on the forehead, leap out of the window and return to the others. I could only decide so much, they would also need to have their say and pay some form of contribution. There was at least one small fact that brought a bitter smile to my face, when I returned, they would already know. They would be waiting to either ambush me or aid me, either way, it did not matter; my decision was final. I would deal with them when the time came. All that mattered at that precise moment was being with my love, my life. Our time was already too short; the early morning sunlight was creeping beneath the curtains, dimly beginning to light the room.

"_Not long now, my love_", I whispered sadly, my voice contrite.

She smiled in her sleep, the smallest curve of her lips and it caused my throat to close, as I choked back my urgent need to tell her how much I loved her. She frowned a little as something cold and damp touched her forehead; the single tear that I allowed to fall.

_2/Jasper_

We lay, side by side, on the damp grass. She had not uttered a word since she had arrived and I did not press her for conversation. The hours passed like minutes and not a word was said, however the silence was a comfortable one, as comfortable as could be achieved during such times. We needed each other; our need was as simple as that. Discussing our individual concerns would not ease each other's pain or solve the problems. The most we could offer one another was our company; it would not help, but it would be enough. Our love was not one that was judged and ruled by actions and words, it just _was_.

She lay a foot apart from me. If I reached out my hand, I could have stroked her face, touched her trembling lips. Anxiety rolled off her in great waves and her suffering was a pain that, unlike the pain that belonged to the others, I could not ignore or endure. Her pain was my pain and I found myself beginning to radiate my calm towards her. The second that I had considered using my talent, her eyes darted to my face angrily, I stopped, but then a sigh escaped her lips and she nodded ever so slightly, indicating her consent for me to proceed. I watched, as my influence worked its charm on my willing participant. The tension visibly slipped from her tensed muscles and guilt-ridden face; her lids slipped shut and slowly, she slid her arm across the ground, her fingers branching out towards me. I mirrored her action, until our fingertips brushed against one another. At this simplest and briefest of touches, she sighed gratefully and we remained this way, perfectly still, as the morning sun begun to rise.

The moment was peaceful, but never meant to last; the calm before the storm and considering the depression that cloaked the area, a pitiful calm it was at that. How long until Edward returned? How long until he made his decision? How long until I would have to use the full force of my power against my entire family to keep the situation from getting out of hand? Gazing sadly at my love, I anticipated the hard times ahead.

To Alice I could offer every part of me, she owned it all and still, there remained a hole in her life, one that only Bella had been able to fill. It warmed my heart to see my partner the way that she was when the two of them were together. Her behaviour went from her usual, bubbly persona to one that was sheer ecstasy. Alice loved Bella; she considered her more of a sister than she did Rosalie, it was obvious, although she would never confirm it aloud.

How would the beautiful, tiny, light of my life deal with her loss? Would it be something that I could help repair or would it render her damaged? Never had I felt these emotions within her. Before now, with no memory of her past life, she had been content with being what she was and as always, existed as an energetic bundle of uncontrollable and undiluted joy. The sight beside me caused my insides to ache with the hurt. The previous evening had left her changed, visibly broken. Could I help her? Would I be enough? A sense of inadequacy and helplessness threatened to engulf me as my worries began to get the better of me.

My thoughts were ripped from me, as she bolted upright, eyes unfocused and then, just as quickly, they filled with anguish. The next fraction of a second saw her turn her head to face me; pools of water swimming in her eyes and the next, she was a blur hurtling towards the house. When she reached at the entrance, I was already by her side. Bursting through the door, she yelled names, summoning the absent family members at the top of her lungs, an action completely unnecessary, only emphasising the extent of her distress. It had begun. This was the beginning of the end.

_3/Emmett_

_Bang, bang, bang…_

_Bang, bang, bang…_

My fingers wrapped noisily against the dashboard, each individual tap sounding very much like the shot of a firearm. I had kept this up for maybe ten minutes. From my peripheral vision, I could see Roaslie's eyes twitch irritably at the sound. What can I say? I was bored and she deserved to be subject to annoyance from time to time. It was healthy for her to learn a little patience, some small amount of endurance, especially where I was concerned. That was how love was supposed to work, or at least that was how I saw things. I kept it up, grinning as I saw her perfect, luscious lips begin to pull back over her pearly white teeth. She never had taken to growling much, she preferred her long, sharp hisses and I could not deny that I loved the sound. I blamed the animal side of our kind that resided within us and towards it, I bore no grudge whatsoever. Who was I to complain about the smallest things in life that gave me such joy?

Piercing me with baleful, hypnotic eyes, she surprised me by allowing the slightest, rumbling noise rise from her chest. _Not bad Rose_, I smirked, as I folded my hands in my lap and then turned my expression to one of polite puzzlement. This only aggravated her further. I couldn't help it; I beamed down at the livid, stunning face below me. Shifting in her seat, curling her legs beneath her, she prodded me sharply in the chest with her index finger and moved her face closer to mine. This was not an attempt at intimacy; it was intimidation. I tried my hardest to keep a straight face as she unleashed her fury upon me; she was deliciously terrifying.

"If your fingers connect with that dashboard _one_ more time, I _swear_ to you, I will _bite_ them off! Every last _one_!" she threatened with chagrin.

"You'll _bite_ me?" I asked, sounding pensive and then allowed one single brow to rise suggestively, as I stated in a voice thick with intent, "_That _could be…_fun_".

Groaning at my inability to take her seriously and sighing even louder at my inescapable one-track mind, she folded her arms and huffed. At the sight of her slumped shoulders and pouted lips, I couldn't hold it in; I had to laugh. Shooting me a surreptitious scowl, I puckered my lips invitingly and winked. There was a hint of hesitation in her face and then I caught sight of the smallest twitch of her hand, before it shot towards the door. I got there first, leaning over her, with my open palm blocking the handle from her reach. She ploughed through an interestingly impressive long list of colourful and most unladylike language, before settling for glaring up at me, knowing that she was trapped. Rosalie was strong; there was no doubt about that, however, with my body forming a cage over hers, pinning her to her seat; she didn't stand a chance. I offered her a sardonic smile to which her responding look was one of sheer resentment.

Why were we still here, hours later, sat in the unmoving M3? Edward had long since left, so why did we not return to the house? Initially, I suspected that it was because she had wished to clear her head, but after I had watched her expression change over time, I decided that I did not want her to leave. There was too much bitterness and self-righteousness in her face. If she returned now, if she spoke to the others, she would only say things that would upset them all. Esme would be in a delicate state, if she hadn't already broken down. Alice would be overly sensitive, highly defensive and potentially dangerous. Jasper would be Japser and Carlisle would expect us to treat each other with respect.

Rosalie was my responsibility and at present, I deemed her unfit to be in the company of others, I could handle her, it came with the unwritten job description. To inflict her upon the others at this point in time would be too cruel. I would keep her here until she could behave, I snickered inwardly and thought to myself pointedly, _You'll be waiting a long time_. It did not matter; time was one thing that we all had.

Up until now, she had made no move to leave. This had been her first. Now that she was aware of my intentions, she was positively spitting with rage. I found myself basking in her menacing, loveliness, hopelessly and eternally in love.

"_Emmett_…I am _warning_ you…get _off_ me this _instant_!" she demanded, her voice hard.

"_Make_ me", I suggested lightly.

For the briefest of moments, I saw her actually dare to size me up with her eyes, measuring the likelihood of her actually being able to overthrow me. Her mutterings died down and a calculating gleam entered her eyes. The next moment, she leaned her head back against the headrest and tilted her face up to mine. My Rosalie, thoroughly capricious, unmistakably dangerous and she was looking up at me from under her lashes, grazing her top teeth over her lower lip as she traced a finger from the top, opened button of my shirt, down to the belt of my jeans, letting them snag there.

"If you _insist_", was her only whispered reply, before she touched her lips to mine; one small kiss that had me leaning in for more.

Whatever she was planning wouldn't work, she had only brought enjoyment my otherwise tedious task. It was certainly no longer an unpleasant chore, pinning her down; tasting her lips. She was far from hating the experience herself, her kisses becoming more passionate, as she blatantly encouraged me to fall against her completely. _Not unpleasant at all_, I acceded triumphantly, as I wrapped her long legs around my middle.

Then we heard it, Alice's call. Suddenly alert, I released my hold on her and when I looked down at her face, she was smiling, only the smile did nothing to placate my fears. I realised then what this had been, a ploy to calm me, to make me putty in her hands, before she would anger me and spiral out of control. Maybe she thought that her actions would earn her easy forgiveness after she had wreaked her havoc? If she thought that, then she was sorely mistaken. I cursed her inwardly, unable to lose the lingering, longing feeling that her lips had left against mine. In those few seconds where my brows plummeted in frustration, I heard the slam of the door as she escaped from my reach in the blink of an eye.

"_Ah crap_", I muttered furiously, before flitting after her.

Materialising at her shoulder, we arrived in the lounge, almost in unison. Everyone was here, everyone but Edward. I had an undying urge to wrap my hands tightly around her mouth, gagging her, but at that moment, I was too distracted by the look on Alice's face; we all were. We waited for the words.

_4/Alice_

"**EMMETT! ROSALIE!**" I hollered loudly, my eyes fixed on the ground, unable to look anyone in the eye.

They appeared before I had finished saying Rosalie's name. All of them stared at me; I could feel it; Carlisle who held onto Esme, Emmett standing behind Rosalie and Jasper who stood by my side.

"He has decided to leave her, but he wishes to ask for our help. He will be here soon after Bella wakes", I confirmed in a choked voice.

The sad silence that fell upon us did not last long; I heard Rosalie subtly, but meaningfully, clear her throat. She said not a word, but that one sound was enough to set my teeth on edge. Before I could retaliate in any way, Jasper set his hands on my shoulders. They did not act as restraints, it was a mere gesture of his support and it helped me resume some form of control. Ignoring her, I gazed at Carlisle, hoping to see something in his face that would allow me to believe that there was something, anything that we could do. He stared back at me, smiling sadly and his chin dropped the tiniest amount toward his chest.

"If your brother has indeed made his choice, then we can only offer him comfort and respect his wishes. I am sure that we all know his decision must have been made with Bella's best interests at heart", his responded bleakly.

There was another silence through which I could almost hear Rosalie's smile. It ended with the sound of Emmett's teeth gnashing together.

"_Respect_ his _wishes_? _Offer_ him _comfort_? With all due respect, that was the _biggest_, _steaming pile_ of _cr_-", he stopped, took a deep breath and refrained from saying the word, in fear of sounding disrespectful in front of his "_parents_", "- Of _nonsense_ I have ever _heard_! He is overreacting, as _always_! If he does this, if he goes through with this, he is going to be _miserable_, not just for a long while, but _forever_! You _know_ this! We _all_ know this! Helping him with his decision is not going to help him! And what about _Bella_? Won't he let her have her say? Doesn't she have a right to stand up for her happiness? She has always known the risks of being with Edward! She nearly died twice and I might not have been here to see her after the-", he hesitated, "-_accident_, but I am _damn_ sure that she didn't _fly _off the handle! I bet she walked out of here already planning her next visit! This is his _happiness_! This is _their_ happiness! He _can't _do this! He just _can't_!" he practically bellowed at an unblinking and patient Carlisle, his tone growing fiercer and more passionate as he voiced his views.

"_Yes_ he _can_, because he is _finally_ considering _us_ in his little equation. He is thinking about our safety, not just _hers_. I commend his decision and will aid him in whatever we he requires. _You_ may not respect our brother, but _I _do", Rosalie interjected, scathingly.

"Just _go_ upstairs Rose!" Emmett ordered without looking at her.

He had caught my eye and a look of understanding passed between us. Regardless of what the others thought or said, we would try our hardest to make ourselves heard, to fight for what was clearly right.

"_No_", she replied sternly, "Carlisle says that we should be here for him and this is _precisely_ where I intend to remain until he _returns_".

Jasper stood tensely behind me, he could not decide what to do, and on whom he should direct his calm or whether it was necessary at all. Carlisle's face had regained that classical composure which I could only associate with him, his face drifting from each of ours in turn, assessing our expressions and stances. Esme clung to his side, her eyes glazed with tears and her lips vibrating as she muttered the single word, "_No_", over and over again. Finally, Carlisle stared past us to the open front door. When he spoke, his words were said softly, but with an air of finality which left no room for protest.

"I believe it best if you retire to your rooms; _all _of you. You too dear…" he added, kissing the top of his wife's head and squeezing her shoulder, " I shall remain here and wait for Edward. I will hear what he has to say and together, we shall deal with the matter in a way that is respectful to us all. Now, assuming that there is nothing left to say; I bid you to make yourselves scarce. Any confrontation will only make the matter worse. _Please_ children…" he allowed his voice to trail, as he met each of our eyes.

Grudgingly, we nodded and one by one, we left the room. Esme set the winning example of utmost obedience, dipping her head and flitting up the stairs without a further word. Emmett unceremoniously picked up and threw a disgruntled Rosalie over his shoulder and they were the next to disappear, leaving Jasper and I facing Carlisle. Jasper's hands gently slid from my shoulders to my waist, as he effortlessly lifted me and scooped me up into his arms. I rested my head against his broad chest and closed my eyes. I felt the rush of air and we were upstairs, stood outside my room. He kissed my brow lightly and rested his chin on my head.

"Do you want to be alone?" he mumbled into my hair, his tone unsure.

I could only shake my head. He opened my door, kicked it shut and gently settled me onto my king-size bed. Unlike Emmett and Rosalie, despite pledging ourselves to one another, we still had our separate rooms. As much as we enjoyed each other's company, rarely leaving each other's sides, it was still comforting to have one, single place that was our own. My room was of course, large, lavishly decorated and designed to accommodate my eccentric side. Jasper's was simple, plain and convenient – you could take the man out of the soldier, but you couldn't take the soldier out of the man. His room always made me smile; it was the essence of him.

Rolling to my side, I reached out to him. He was the sweetest, most considerate, patient and loving person I had ever known. Even now, he waited for me to seek his embrace; fearing possible invasion of my private mourning by offering me comfort. He had been lying beside me, arms folded across his chest with his head to the side, watching me carefully with the one eye; the other concealed by a curtain of his long hair that hung across his face in an appealing way. He looked so strong, so handsome, ready to give me the love that I required. How I needed him so. He stretched out the arm that was closest to me and I snuggled myself up against him. The hand of his trapped arm beneath me, pulled me closer, resting on my waist. With the free hand of his other arm, he lay his big hand on the side of my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. Closing my eyes, I contentedly suffered my sorrow in his embrace; my body melting against his as I willed the tears not to fall.

_5/Carlisle_

I waited for the final clicking of the last closed door, before I could feel any comfort in regards to the upcoming encounter. It would make things easier on him, on all of them, if it were simply he and I. I held no hopes toward being able to persuade him to reconsider his choice; I only sought to help him deal with his decision in a rational way. My oldest son's maturity exceeded that of the others in many ways, but he was still prone to extreme initial reactions to certain situations. Without harassment from the others, he would be less defensive and more open to suggestion and reason. I glanced at the clock; it would not be long before he arrived. Alice had specifically seen him asking "_us_" for help and I quietly pondered whether the outcome would change, as now, I was the only person left to converse with him.

After nearly three hundred and sixty three years, time had no meaning, held no significance to me whatsoever. In possibly little over an hour, Edward would be stood before me. I did not suppress my thoughts; only kept them light as I prepared to greet my son. A day of my existence passed as quickly to me as what felt like a human hour, therefore, I was not surprised when I blinked the once and Edward was stood in the open doorway, eyeing me warily.

His eyes flickered around the large, empty lounge and then quickly to the top of the stairs. Once he had assessed that we were well and truly alone, he squared his shoulders, stood up straight and held his chin high. My son had been expecting an unpleasant welcoming committee and despite it being just the two of us, everything about the way in which he held himself displayed his preparation to fight for what he believed. Closing the door behind him, we stood several metres apart without saying a word. He was tense. I was relaxed. Some of my own calm must have rubbed off on him, enough that he neatly folded his arms, exhaled deeply and dropped his eyes to the ground.

"Good morning Carlisle", he said, his voice subdued.

"Good morning Edward. I understand that there is a matter that you wish to discuss. Would you care to carry out the discussion in my office, or did you have another venue in mind?" I asked, with careful consideration.

The nearest, closest, available empty room was the kitchen. He was unable to turn his head in that direction, he was equally unable to look around the lounge. There were too many memories for him here. He said nothing for a short while, but I saw the cords in his neck become more pronounced as his jaw tightened.

"The office will be suitable, thank you", he declared in a strained voice, fighting to keep his tone composed.

There was no reason to stay in this room any longer than was necessary. Without hesitation, we ascended the stairs and I appeared sat behind my rich, mahogany desk, the door to the office was shut and Edward sat in the chair opposite mine. He was the client and I, the advisor. Somehow the atmosphere of the office made things easier, made the problem official and able to be dealt with in a professional manner. He had his arms rested on the armrests; it did not escape my attention that whilst one had lay flat, the other was a tight fist.

"I have made my decision", he began and the paused before continuing, "But I am not entirely sure as to what course of action would be the best to take", he admitted ruefully.

"Have you had any thoughts? Any ides?" I encouraged him to continue.

"None as of yet. All I know is that I cannot be near her any longer. I am too dangerous for her Carlisle. She deserves better than this, better than me", his attempt to keep his voice steady was successful, but the anguish in his eyes rendered his efforts to hide his panic utterly useless.

"Have you spoken to her about this Edward? Do you not think that she has earned the right to hear your concerns and then for you to hear hers?" I asked softly.

He raised his eyes to the heavens and laughed once, the sound was harsh and short lived. It was not the laugh of my son and this saddened me greatly. His expression became morose and his tone wry.

"Carlisle, don't you _see_? If I _told_ her, if I _spoke_ to her, she would only win the argument. I am _completely_ unable to deny her _anything _that she wishes-_almost anything_…" he added quietly to himself, "I cannot _stand_ to see her unhappy, it breaks my heart. She is _so_ in love with me that the risk to her life poses no distress to her whatsoever, but it does to _me_. I could have nearly lost her Carlisle… again! She maybe able to live in this way, but I cannot. I cannot put her at risk any longer. She may love me enough to put her life on the line and to remain with her; I would do the same, over and over again. If only it were _enough_, but it is not. I love her more that that, more than she could ever hope to comprehend. I love her enough to let her go. For _her_ sake, I _have_ to. It is the only way to keep her alive. I feel as though my insides have been ripped apart and my heart cut open and torn in two, all by my own two hands, but this is the only way, for her. Every singe part of me is begging me to reconsider, to return to her, to take the chance, but what if I do? What if I take that chance? What if I get her _killed_? This is her life. Her life _is_ my life. I _cannot_…_please_…I _must_ do this…even if it leaves me an empty shell of a man... I _love_ her with _all _my heart and I do not know how long I can hold to my decision. I never knew that one person could endure so much pain. It grows every minute, every second that I realise that I may not and will never see her again. You must help me, _now_, before I find the time or make weak and pathetic excuses to change my mind. I _cannot_ change my mind! I _beg_ of you not to allow me. _I_… I _cannot_… this _pain_…it is _unbearable_…but I _have_ to save her…I _have_ to do this…for _her_…_Carlisle_…_please_…_please help me_…" his composure waned, as his voice cracked with suppressed emotion.

I felt a lump rise in my throat as my son pleaded with me, his eyes begging. Never had I seen him look so vulnerable, not since the night when I took him from the hospital where he lay dying in order to "_save_" him. Seeing him in such a way almost had me insist that he should stay with her. Sensing my uncertainty, his brow furrowed, eyes boring into mine, willing me to give in. Nothing in this world should have ever left my son so hurt, so broken, but nothing in this world meant more to him than Bella and whilst this was his wish, I was forced to do for him all that was in my power. I leaned back into my leather chair and gazed up at the ceiling. I heard his sigh of relief, although I wondered if he had half wished that I had not given in so easily, that I had convinced him to stay. It did not matter; I was doing as he wished. I was contemplating his options…or…our options.

"_Yes_", his voice was grave, " I suspected that the decision may require involvement from us all…"

Bella would never give in, or heal if Edward were in any way a part of her life. The solution was obvious, he would have to leave and never return, but what of the rest of us? Would her connection to the rest of us, even her friendship with Alice put her at risk? Was Edward's absence solution enough or did we all pose the exact same threat?

"You are right…It isn't just me, it is all of us…We…we have to break our ties with her", his reluctance and guilt were beginning to seep into his tone.

He was clearly thinking of Alice and Emmett. His decision would cost them a friend as well as a "_sister_". It was, however, his decision to make and the reasons behind it were still perfectly valid. Whilst she associated herself with our kind, she would never be out of harm's reach. The others did not suspect that they would have to play a part in this, I was sure. It would upset them greatly, but there really was no other way. Then there was the question of how we could possibly sever our connection to her. How could we avoid her without bringing her further distress and agony? How inconsiderate would it be to demand no further contact and yet parade around as normal, as if nothing had happened, as if we did not care about her in the slightest?

We could appear that way without any preparation, for living a lie was part of our every day existence. It did not mean that it would not be painful on all sides. For Bella, to see those that had shown her so much love, to suddenly not be able to spare her a second glance, whilst also posing a constant reminder of what she had lost. For us, that wished nothing more than to welcome her back with open arms, to pretend that she was nothing but a stranger. For Edward, to have to leave both his family and his love. How long had we been here now? Two, going on three years? We only had so much time left before the townsfolk noticed that none of us were getting any older and that moment was growing close. Maybe now was the time to move on? Form a new home elsewhere, keep up new pretences and make things easier for my broken son and the soon to be broken love of his life.

"She will heal… in time… I am sure…" he answered my though, sounding both sad and sure.

When did he intend for us to take action? Would he wait a few days? Try to talk to her at all? Would he let her down gently, easing her into the transition of our coming absence? What reasons would he give, if any?

"_Immediately_", his tone was resolute, "Or as soon as… _humanly_ possible. We cannot linger here. We cannot interfere with her life any longer than necessary. A swift exit. A clean break."

"What will you tell her?" I asked cautiously.

"Whatever it takes… to make her forget", he answered tonelessly.

I stared at my son, scrutinising the determination on his face. I did not doubt that whatever he told her, she would believe. What cause would he ever have to lie to her? She would drink in his words, accept them as fact and she would be… _distraught_.

"_Better than dead_!" he exclaimed sharply, promptly turning his gaze away from mine, ashamed of his manner.

How soon could we leave? We could leave at any given time. My occupation opened doors to many places, as did our bulging, over excessive funds. It was not a question of where; it was a question of when. How immediately was immediately?

"Today?" he asked uncertainly, but sounding hopeful. It was not a hope that would bring him any joy.

I nodded once, slowly and waited for his eyes to meet mine. There was no doubt in his obstinate look.

"I can make the arrangements. You can leave that to me. We can be out of Forks in a day", I assured him.

"Thank you. I know it is much to ask…" he replied with feeling.

"Of course it is not. What you ask for is in the best interests of us all. None of us want to put her in danger Edward. We all care about her too", I promised.

He let my words sink in before he risked a glance to the door. I did not need to be able to read his thoughts to guess the reason for the apprehension in his eyes.

"Do not worry yourself about the rest of them. I will see to it that everything runs smoothly. You will need to put all your focus and thoughts into the one task you have left," there was no reason for me to state what he had to do, he knew only too well.

His lips formed a thin, compressed lie, but he nodded stiffly. He was at the door, ready to leave. He spoke over his shoulder, his tone dead.

"I will stay one more day after you leave to finish what I started and then I will join you", he said.

"Stay for as long as you need. I respect that it will not be easy… for either of you", I replied sympathetically.

He chuckled humourlessly.

"She will never believe me, no matter how many lies I speak. It will take hours, days and that is time that I refuse to and cannot give. I have allocated myself one single day. One day to convince her. It will be almost impossible, but I think that I can make her believe enough to forget me, all of us, when we are gone", he inhaled sharply through his teeth, as if the very thought caused him physical pain, before he turned the handle, "I must prepare for school. It is going to be a long day. Thank you… _father_"

"You are welcome...my son", I whispered to thin air, already hearing the silent slam of his bedroom door.

I gazed around my office. I had grown fond of this old house, this area. The location has been perfect. I sighed, knowing that I could not put my side of the task off for much longer. Righting myself, I clasped my hands together and rested them on the desk before me.

"Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett. Rosalie…I need to speak with you all at once", I requested their presence, as if they were stood in the same room.

They appeared stood before me in one long line. All of them stared at me with anxious eyes, with the exception of Alice and of course, Jasper. Although Alice had tried to remain calm, pretending or possibly wishing that she did not already know the words that would escape my lips, her hands were trembling. Jasper could only gaze at her sadly. Rosalie's face was impassive. Emmett stood by her side, but subtly apart from her, his arm draped over the shoulders of my wife. Esme turned her face and kissed her son's comforting hand in thanks, before resting her hand upon it and staring at me hopelessly, waiting for whatever undoubtedly unpleasant news I would bring to their ears. I did not let them suffer a second more of this dreadful suspense.

"I have spoken with Edward and between us we have decided that it would be best for everyone involved if we were to leave at once. A time for change was already dawning upon us and now we have all the more reason not to postpone our stay here any longer. Edward will remain here for a further day in order to do what he must. We on the other hand must make our preparations. I ask you all to help each other pack and strip the house clean. I shall find us a suitable location and adequate accommodation by the afternoon. I also ask that you pay your brother… our son… the respect that he deserves. He is… delicate and he needs time. I know that we are all sorry that it has come to this, but like Edward, I believe it is for the best".

Esme slumped against her burliest, most energetic and most affectionate son. With her eyes half closed, she nodded at my words. Emmett rubbed her arm in a soothing manner, but his face was a mask of bitterness. Alice's expression was blank. Jasper's worried expression was purely out of concern for his partner; already accustomed to following orders. Only Rosalie, despite her quiet, radiated her approval toward the outcome of our discussion.

I rose from my desk and held the door open for them to leave. We could not waste time mourning for our son's and our own loss; the time would come soon enough. First we would do what was necessary. One by one, they flitted past me. Esme vanished from Emmett's side. Next, Rosalie and Jasper raced to their rooms. Emmett and Alice remained rooted to the spot for a few moments longer, before they too left. Their departure was as fast as the others were; however; they remained in the hall.

Leaning against the doorframe, I watched them with a sigh. Alice merely stared at her closed bedroom door, hopelessly withdrawn. Emmett was standing outside Edward's room, his shoulders heaving with emotion. He rose a fist to knock, then changed his mind, twisting the handle and throwing the door open. He stood there for just over a second, staring inside, before he turned and slammed the door angrily with such force that it drooped from one side. I considered it a gentle closure. If he had slammed it with even the slightest force, the door would have been ripped from the wall entirely, possibly taking some of the wall with it. The next thing I heard was his bedroom door opening and closing, leaving Alice standing alone. I gave her one final, long, sad glance and then partook in my side of the operation.

_6/Rosalie_

A suitcase was open, filled and zipped shut within moments of re-entering our room. After that, I began to clear the walls, wardrobes and shelves, making organised piles upon our bed. Carlisle was a genius; the idea was perfect. We would leave, all would be forgotten and we could claim back our lives. Things would return to the way that they had been, the way that they should have remained. These happy thoughts made the otherwise mind numbingly boring task all the more enjoyable.

The past two hours had been a complete bore. After I had been roughly thrown upon our bed, I had been forbidden to speak or move in any way. Emmett had paced back and forth before me, muttering under his breath. I had glowered at him and then begun to test his patience, for the sake of my own amusement. If I moved even an inch, he would growl. If the slightest hiss escaped my lips, he would eye me similarly to the way in which a hawk would eye its prey.

I heard a crashing noise and then felt his presence behind me, as I stood folding a blouse neatly. I could hear his heavy breathing, could taste his anger in the air. Clicking my tongue, I sighed dramatically for effect.

"You really _should_ have left him alone. You've probably only made him feel _all _the more _worse_", I scolded, the way a teacher may rebuke a pupil who had misbehaved.

He had no reply for me. He already knew that despite my mocking tone, I was right. His temper often got the better of him. He was far too passionate for his own good, often upsetting others without the intention of doing so. Unlike myself though, he was quick to apologise and I already knew that whatever tension existed between Edward and he would simmer down and all would be well. I turned, flashing him an award-winning smile and waved a hand toward his wardrobe.

"Now, would you like to pack, or shall I?" I asked beaming up at his thunderous face.

"_Rosalie_-", he asked through clenched teeth.

"Yes dear?" I enquired, whilst filling another suitcase.

"Could you at least _try_ not to make your pleasure _so_ _damn evident_?"

I stopped then and turned to face him. I had a million retorts lined up and ready to fire, but I was unwilling to voice even one. Yes, I was pleased. As far as I was concerned, I had earned every right to gain immense pleasure from this turn of events. Things were finally happening that would put an end to this ridiculous phase in our everlasting lives. I had earned the right to gloat, I had earned the right to rejoice and I wanted to tell him so.

Pursing my lips, I considered my behaviour. Already I was feeling like less of a fiend. That human girl had brought out the worst in me and I had hated it. I was difficult to live with at the best of times, but these last few months I had been impossible. I doubt that even _I _would have put up with me. I would have to make amends to them all; be a better wife, a kinder sister, a better-behaved daughter and I would start now.

Walking up to my husband, my world, the core of my being, I took his hands into my own. He glared down at me for a long time, trying to read my face, see the motive behind my gesture. I did not make it easy for him; I could not say a word. What could I say that was true that would not bring hurt? I could not say that I was sorry. The only thing that I was remotely sorry about was the fact that he, my brother and sister would be left with this unfathomable despair. I was not sorry in the least that Bella would be gone, that we were able to leave this place. Words would have been a lie. Instead, I only stared up at him in earnest, hoping that he would at least _see_ the things that I was unable to say.

His brow smoothed out, he rose my hands to his lips, before he gave me a weak half smile and begun to clear his side of the room. He had accepted my briefest form of apology and forgiven me enough to refrain from making further comment. It was not much of a start, but it was a foundation on which I could build upon.

_7/Esme_

I turned the bedroom upside down in seconds, my eyes blinded by the tears that would not stop. I carried out my task with as much efficiency as could be achieved through my blurred vision. The time limit within which we had to work was a welcoming distraction. If there had been nothing else to do, I would have simply collapsed into a heaving, sobbing heap. This way, I was able to function. I could do something to help my son, even if the help came hand in hand with bringing him further misery. Every part of me ached to go to my son, but I refrained. He needed his time alone; this was his way. He would come to me when he was ready. As I emptied the room of all that was ours, my brain would only let two words repeat themselves, for try as I might, I could not tear my thoughts away from that which mattered to me the most.

My son… my son…my son… 

_8/Edward_

I sat on my sofa, tense and surrounded by silence. I had never stayed in this room without music either being blared or played softly in the background. This was the first time and like the music that I often chose to play, it both reflected and suited my mood. I felt empty, hollow. My decision had been made; plans set in motion. All that was left was going to school and saying goodbye to my love. Thinking the words in such a way made it sound so simple when it was anything but. I could hear the others. Carlisle had told them. It was official now and there was no turning back.

Against Carlisle's kind suggestion, Emmett was outside my door. His thoughts were blurred by his rage. Past the regularly occurring obscenities, there was nothing left for me to distinguish. I wanted to be alone. I frowned at the door, hoping that he would about turn and leave. My door swung open and there he stood, his heaving mass filling every inch of the doorway. He could do nothing by glare, too angry to speak, too concerned about my welfare to upset me. He wanted to scream, to shout, but there was nothing that he could think of to say. I met his glare with a glare of my own. If he cared for Bella as much as he suggested, how could he find flaw in the plan? How could he accuse me this way with his eyes? I was in no frame of mind to talk rationally; I did not want an argument. This day was going to be bad enough without a fight. He interpreted my look in the way that it was intended and left, pulling the door shut with minimal force, leaving it hanging pathetically off one single hinge.

Inhaling deeply, I hoped that there would be no more outbursts from my brother, or from any of them. I did not know how much more of this I could take. Closing my eyes, I tried to find some sense of peace. It was a pitiful notion and wasted effort, considering what I was setting out to achieve. The door creaked open and shut; I looked up to see Alice standing in my room. I shook my head and gestured my hand to the door.

"Leave me alone…_please_", I asked as quietly and as politely as I could.

Shaking her head in turn, she ignored my dismissal and appeared before me. Even whilst seated, her head only remained as high as my shoulder. I let a growl rumble in the back of my throat, a low rumbling sound, a warning for her to step away. She paid my efforts no heed and rested one of her tiny hands against my vibrating chest, the other against my cheek. My growl continued, but weakened and receded under her delicate touch. With both her hands, she took my face and pulled it down to her own, pressing her forehead against mine. I reached to prize her hands away, but found myself placing my hands on top of hers and holding her in place.

With our eyes closed and foreheads touching, a sorrow passed between us. It was a sorrow that only the other could remotely understand .We were the ones who would suffer the most from the coming loss. This was a comfort that could only be achieved between the two of us. Her voice spoke softly in my mind, a gentle voice that had me fighting for control of my emotions.

_I am so sorry…_

My hands slipped away from hers, but my head remained hung low, within her reach. With unimaginable love and tenderness, she kissed both my cheeks, my forehead and finally the tip of my nose, before pressing her cheek against mine. We stayed this way for a long time. Finally, she left on her own accord, leaving me to plan what was going to be, without question, the worst day of my entire existence.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Three Days of Hell 

_1/Edward_

Ten seconds. It had only lasted ten seconds, but in that time, it cost me everything not to snap the steering wheel in two. So calmly, so fluidly I had walked away from her after the single kiss on her forehead. How effortless it must have seemed to leave her side, get into my car and drive away from her without giving her a second glance. As I sped down the street, my hands urged to grip the wheel as tightly as possible, allowing me some means of relieving my tension. It only provided me with yet one more thing to prevent myself from doing. I was torn between trying not to take a glance in the windshield mirror and trying to maintain a safe hold on the only means of controlling my vehicle.

When I turned the corner, my hands relaxed and I could exhale. My formerly smooth features puckered and my foot eased off the gas pedal. I watched the dial on the speedometer decrease, until it had reached the town's limit. This was the first time I had voluntarily driven at a human and legal pace; my mind was too full of the morning to plan ahead. I laughed grimly, as I suddenly appreciated the human need for a long, soothing drive.

I had known that it was going to be hard, but it was worse than I had imagined. Whilst waiting for her, I went over my plan. I was determined to put on a good show; it wouldn't be hard. My aim was simple and almost cruel; I was to demonstrate a sense of detachment to her. Like all plans, in theory, it was easy. The second that I heard the roar of her truck, my resolve began to crumble. She didn't see any of it; I hid it beautifully. It was incredible what a few hours away from her could do to me. At first sight, I wanted to forget it all and then I scolded myself inwardly for being so weak. After that one moment of potential disaster, I was proud of my act. She was concerned for my welfare; as usual, thoughts of her own were completely forgotten. Quiet and subdued, the only times that I spoke were to ask about her arm. When she asked questions concerning Alice's whereabouts, I confirmed nothing, only stating that both her and Jasper had gone away. The responding sorrow and guilt in her eyes only strengthened my determination. I _would _see this day through and plant the seeds of doubt that would keep her safe and convince her that… I no longer loved her…

What I had hoped to only inflict upon her for the duration of a single day had now trebled. There was simply no way that a single day would be sufficient. No, in order for our departure to be believable, we would require several days. It had been decided that Carlisle and I would stay until the end; the others would leave as soon as they could .In a way, I was glad. As much as I wished to believe that I could do this alone, I wasn't willing to take the chance. Knowing that Carlisle would be there, making sure that I would not deviate from my plan, provided me with a constant reminder of my promise and worked as a safety net.

There were a few hours before I would have to see her again. It hurt me how much pain I felt at the thought. Nothing should have brought me greater joy. If nothing else, it was still one of the last few times that I would ever see her again. Could I not appreciate these moments for what they were? How could I, it was impossible. Not only did I put her at risk; I now actively sought to hurt her. I truly was a demon in every aspect. It didn't matter that it was for her own good, my plan seemed terrible; heartless even to me, but there was no other way.

All too soon, my car was in the garage and I was in the lounge. The place was completely bare; the furniture was gone and the carpets were stripped. The sight brought me both sorrow and relief. The others were gone; that meant that things on this side were running smoothly at least. However, the sight of what had been my favourite of all our homes looking so uninhabitable made me sigh.

Carlisle appeared before me, the briefest of smiles on his lips. He questioned me with his eyes and I could only nod my silent "Yes"; all seemed to be going according to plan. He nodded in turn, but I did not miss the small tightening of his lips or the flash of his eyes and then I felt the presence that had caused his reaction.

"I am afraid that _someone _opted to stay behind…" he stated carefully.

My brows knitted together and my nostrils flared in anger. He didn't even need to tell me who it was. Even if I couldn't have felt her very presence at that moment, I would have known that it would have been Alice. On cue, she materialised between Carlisle and I. She glared up at me from her small height and I narrowed my eyes down at her. We both opened out mouths to argue. Carlisle stopped us momentarily, by resting a hand on each of our shoulders.

"Children… _please_…remember that we are primarily doing this for _Bella_", he urged in a calm voice.

We nodded curtly, but our murderous glares did not falter. Simultaneously, we crossed our arms and turned to our sides, still throwing daggers at one another from the corner of our eyes.

"She was _my_ friend too Edward. I have every right to stay and help and _you_ can't stop me!" she declared angrily.

"I don't understand you Alice. You were meant to be making this _easier _for me! _Why_? _Why_ would you _do_ this?!" I demanded, my voice growing louder with every word.

"**You think you know her so well, but you don't know what she will decide! I do! How do you know that whatever you do will work? Only I will know! For instance, did you know that she plans to** **interrogate you later tonight**?" she shouted up at me, eyes blazing.

Her arms unfolded; one hand rested on her hip and the other prodded me sharply in the stomach. Sensing a lost battle, Carlisle took a subtle step back. She closed the gap between us and with each word, she poked me harder. Her small delicate finger felt like a sharp needle pricking my hard skin. Beneath my folded arms, I clenched my fists, resisting the urge to poke her back twice as hard. Being no where close to finishing her rant, she continued to inform me of things that, much to my displeasure, I most certainly needed to know.

"**You are all that she has thought about all day! No surprises there!" she rolled her eyes sarcastically. "But this is different! She is so worried! Tonight, when you go to her, she wants to ask you what is wrong, why you feel the way that you do and what she can do to make it all better! She will be waiting for you and you know yourself Edward, you will give in. You will give in because you will see the distress in her eyes and it will **_**kill**_** you on the inside! You didn't know **_**that, **_**did you! That if you visited her tonight as you said you would, you would go back on **_**everything**_** that you planned and everything would be just the way that it had been before the ridiculous party! So don't you **_**dare**_** tell me that I am not making this easier for you! **_**You**_** made the decision to leave her! **_**I **_**am helping you stick to it! Do you think that it was **_**easy **_**for me to stay behind?! To **_**tell **_**you?! To **_**keep**_** it from the **_**others**_**?!" Do you think that this is what I **_**want**_**?! You are an **_**ignorant**_** bastard if that is what you think! I **_**did **_**this for **_**you**_**! Because you are my **_**brother **_**and I **_**love**_** you, you **_**idiot**_**! I know that you will hate yourself forever if you don't see this thought and I just… I just **_**don't**_** want people to get **_**hurt**_** anymore!**" she yelled into my face, as tears began to stream down her cheeks.

I froze at her words and gazed down at her helplessly. She sniffled twice, before throwing her arms around my middle and sobbing against my chest. I put one arm around her shoulder and with the hand of the other, held her head close to me.

"Thank you…" I bent my head and whispered into her ear. A pointless and very human gesture, I noted.

Carlisle had gone, allowing us a moment of privacy. I looked down upon the tiny body that shook with grief against mine in earnest. My hold on her tightened and I kissed her short, spiky hair. There were no words that could express the gratitude I felt towards her or the sudden sense of loss. It was as though I had been given a second chance and it had been ripped away from me instantaneously. She had seen it and yet, here she was, doing what was best for my Bella. I was wrong, I had underestimated my sister; clearly, she loved Bella as much as I. It was difficult to decide which was worse; my being divulged this information or the fact that Alice has seen it all first hand. This new information changed things. I could not go to her when she expected it, not if it would end in me giving into her. No, I promised that I would go to her and I would, but there _had_ to be another way.

"It's gone…" Alice's small, choked voice reached my ears. "You've made your decision not to go. That future is now lost".

I released my hold on her and dropped to one knee, taking both of her hands into my own. She had meant her words to bring me comfort and they had, but also, that all too familiar sense of despair. I smiled at her tentatively, but my eyes could not hide my torment. Leaning down, she kissed my brow and then gave a shaky laugh, before giving me a stern look.

"For pity's sake brother, make up your mind! Your non existent decisions are blurring together to the point where I feel nauseous!" she attempted to lighten the mood with her joking manner.

"I could use a little help", I admitted sheepishly.

"Do not go", she suggested simply.

I shook my head. "I have to. I promised her", I informed her, as if it settled the matter.

"You know what these humans say. Promises were made to be broken", she said with a distasteful wrinkle of her nose, as if the very idea offended her.

"Not mine", I stated with utmost sincerity, my tone resolute.

"Then go. Now"

"Now?" I asked, looking puzzled.

"If you go now, it will just be you and Charlie. You will already be there before she returns from work and she will be unable to corner you. You can then stall there until it is time to leave", she said easily.

"That seems… reasonable", I said slowly, seeing the finer points of the idea.

"You don't need to worry about chit chat. The two of you can just watch a game", she assured me.

"Yes… you are right. Thank you Alice. I shall leave at once".

Rising to my feet, I brushed my lips against her forehead.

"_Thank you_", I mumbled against her skin.

"Of course, there is an easier way out…" she said, her voice trailing. A trace of dark humour tinted her otherwise innocent tone.

"Being?" I enquired suspiciously.

"You could change your mind?" she suggested lightly, although her tone was filled with implications.

At that moment, I knew that she was not talking about that task of leaving my love. I frowned.

"_Alice_…" I said her name carefully, my tone disproving.

Giving me a long, hard look, she raised her eyes to the ceiling and motioned me to the door. I nodded stiffly in form of farewell, before disappearing and reappearing in the driver seat of my car. So, I was about to spend my first time alone with Charlie. This was gong to be interesting, not to mention awkward. I thought of the things to say to the man as a form of distraction, to keep me from picturing the look on Bella's face when she came home to see the two of us alone. On any other occasion, the image may have caused me to laugh, but I did not. Picturing her face was too difficult in _any_ scenario. Staring the engine, I sped away from the house.

_2/Alice_

I had just placed the last of my things into the back of Emmett's Jeep, when I saw what would happen. Emmett was busy glowering out of the window. Esme was sat in the back, a hand draped over her eyes. Rosalie was in her BMW behind us. The only person who noticed me become rigid was, of course, Jasper. He had been watching me through the side mirror; I saw his brows rise in concern, but I subtly shook my head. As calmly as I could, I made my way beside Emmett's open window. I suddenly realised that I was trying much too hard to hide my thoughts; It was not as if Edward were nearby. No body seemed to pay me much heed, only Jasper, who now stared at me intently. I hesitated for a moment. Emmett ran his fingers impatiently through his curly hair, before throwing me a look.

"Are we going now or what?" he asked irritably.

"You four go. I am going to stay with Carlisle," I worked to make myself sound as though this had been the plan all along.

"When the hell did the plan change?" Emmett whined, before anger crept into his tone. "And why don't I get to stay?!"

"Things change", I said indifferently, before I realised that I had already said too much.

"What has changed?" he demanded.

"Absolutely nothing," I told him severely.

Technically, it wasn't a lie. After I told Edward what I had seen, nothing would change. I suddenly wished that I were selfish enough to clamber into the back seat and forget what I had seen. It would be so easy. We would only just finish unpacking and then, we would receive a call from Carlisle telling us to return because everything was back to normal. It would be living a lie, but it would be nice on all sides to enjoy it for that little while longer… until something serious happened and it was too late. No, _damn it_, Edward was right. I hated it, but this was for her own good.

Emmett glared down at me, his muscles bunching together under his shirt and then, just as suddenly, he relaxed. His expression smoothed and he shrugged, although still looking somewhat sulky. I shot Jasper a grateful look for diffusing the situation. He smiled weakly in reply.

"_Fine_. We'll see you in a few days", Emmett grumbled.

"Goodbye dear", Esme said softly from the back.

Rosalie honked her horn impatiently and Emmett fired her a middle finger that had Esme clicking her tongue in disapproval.

"Call me", was all that my love would say.

I could see it in his eyes; he hated it when we were apart. I ached to have him stay by my side, but this was something that I needed to do alone.

"I will" I replied with feeling.

Carlisle appeared by my side, not surprised in the least by the fact that I was outside of either vehicle. Resting a hand on my shoulder, he waved to the others with the other and in silence, we watched as the rest of our family drove out of sight.

"You saw something?" he asked me calmly.

"Yes", I replied.

"Something that requires you to stay?" he asked casually.

"Yes…" I answered carefully.

"Very well, Edward will be back soon. Do you wish to discuss the matter with him or would you care for me to handle the situation? As you no doubt are aware, he expressly wished that only he and I were to remain. You know your brother's initial reaction will be far from welcoming when he sees that you out of all of them have opted to stay behind…" he said, his tone as careful as my own.

He was very persuasive. It certainly would have been easier to tell him what I had seen, to have him relay my vision to Edward in a calm and collected matter. I could have remained out of sight, ready and waiting for whenever my brother was in the right frame of mind to confront me, but I did not want to hide. I didn't want Carlisle to act as a "go-between". I wanted to tell Edward myself. I wanted to stomp any ideas out of his head that suggested that the rest of us did not care for Bella as much as he did. No, I would be the one.

I shook my head wordlessly, headed back to the house and skulked inside my empty room. I sat and waited, staring at the blank walls, letting my mind drift into empty space. If my thoughts were too pronounced, too loud, too obvious, he would hear me; he might not return home. So, I focused on nothing, until I heard the sound of his entrance and I raced down to meet him.

I had never given thought as to how I would tell him what I had seen. My anger and depression caused the words to tumble out in a rush, my tone harsher than I had ever intended, but I had seen what I wanted to see. I saw the look in his eyes when he realised the sacrifice I had made, for Bella and for himself. Then I had broken down and he held me, as if _I_ was the one who needed comforting. So grateful was he that his recovery to my words was alarmingly swift. I could only assume that there was much left that he hid from me, if only to ease my own pain. My poor brother. My selfless, loving brother. He could be generous to a fault.

Offering advice when he asked it of me, he accepted my suggestion. As he walked away, I could not help but suggest something that I had "seen" before. It was an idea that upset him greatly; however, it was an option that would have made things easier for all involved. It was not as if Bella had not expressed her wish to join us! Knowing what I was about to say, he prevented me from saying it. I watched him leave and remained where I was, until I felt Carlisle appear behind my shoulder.

"You saw me give into him?" he asked softly, almost sadly.

I nodded pathetically.

"Then I thank you, for doing for my son what I could not"

The gentle touch of his hand to the small of my back only reminded me that Jasper was no where nearby and I felt very alone. Excusing myself with a brief glance to his face, I headed back to my room and flipped open my cell phone to call the core of my existence.

_3/Jasper_

I tried my hardest not to look back as we drove away. I wanted to show her that I was fine with her decision to stay, but I could not stop myself from casting her a fleeting glance, just before we were completely out of sight. Being apart from her like this was torture. I did not worry for her safety, for she was in no danger. It was purely based on the fact that without her, I was incomplete. I took small comfort in the fact that behind me, Esme was suffering similarly, due to her separation from both Carlisle and Edward.

My cell phone was by my ear before the ringing had an opportunity to sound. The second that I felt the beginnings of the vibration, my hand darted to my pocket. Emmett gave me a disparaging look, which I ignored. I hoped that my voice would hide the relief that I felt, knowing that I was moments away from hearing her voice.

"Alice…" I breathed.

I saw my brother roll his eyes at my failed attempt to sound calm.

"Hey", she said with forced cheer.

I didn't need to be near her to sense the effort that she put into that one word. She was in pain. I resisted my sudden need to leap from the moving vehicle, run to stand by her side and take it all away.

"How are thing?" I asked, distinctly aware of two sets of eyeballs now fixed on me.

A glance at the side mirror showed that even Rosalie was listening intently. The downside of perfect hearing: no privacy.

"Fine, all things considered", she replied conversationally.

"How is he?" Esme asked from behind my shoulder.

She could have been asking about either of them, but it was obvious to whom her concern was directed. There was a short pause.

"He is coping. It is … harder than he thought it would be", she answered truthfully.

Esme's hand gripped my shoulder in anguish, before she realised the suddenness of her gesture and quickly yanked her arm back. I had never grown accustomed to the touch of others, suffering intimacy issues with anyone other than Alice. Over the decades, I was improving, but it was a slow progress. However, sensing my mother figure's fresh torment, I knew that my talent alone was not enough. She did not need to be calm, she needed to be loved and whilst I was unable to comfort Alice, I was able to do something here.

Slowly, I reached behind me and took Esme's delicate hand into my own. Linking our fingers together, I rose her hand, pressing it to the side of my face, as I continued to speak. Emmett gave me an appraising look, before the briefest of smiles played across his lips and he cast his eyes away, allowing me this rare moment. From Esme, I felt a wave of gratitude and I sighed, leaning my head back, as I felt the fingers of her free hand run through my hair. It was surprisingly pleasant coming from someone other than my love. I closed my eyes.

"How are things at your end?" Alice asked, already knowing the answer.

Everyone heard her. No one replied.

"Fine", I said automatically. I could practically hear her head bobbing up and down, knowingly.

"I love you", she said and I knew that it was time for her to leave.

"I love you too," I mumbled quietly.

Emmett shook his head and chuckled. Esme ruffled my hair affectionately and even Alice laughed despite her depression, before blowing me a noisy kiss and cutting the call. I stared out of the window, but the phone remained clutched in my hand, resting on my lap. God, how I missed her.

_4/Emmett_

Packing and loading had been easy enough. I was far from happy about any of this, but it wasn't like we had a choice any more. I was trying my hardest to see things the way that Edward was, but damn it, it was still hard. I needed time to cool off, so I was almost looking forward to the drive.

We were just about to leave, when Alice decided that she had undergone a change of heart. I wasn't stupid. In all fairness, the fault wasn't hers. I wouldn't have guess what had happened, if it wasn't for Jasper. For a guy that was subtle for the most part, when things came down to Alice, he was an open book. One glimpse out of the corner of my eye told me that she had seen something, I pressed her for details. It didn't work. I gave up. I wanted to be angry, even just a little, to help me deal with the fact that whatever she saw; she would never tell. It was, needless to say, a lost cause. Every time I tried to let my anger simmer on the inside, my brother got to me first and I found myself lapsing into a false relaxation. To describe the sensation as annoying would have been an understatement.

The travel arrangements had been designed to suit us all. Rosalie wanted to drive alone and I sure as hell wasn't going to let Esme ride with her. I didn't doubt that my wife would be on her best behaviour, I just knew what she was like when things took an emotional turn. It was going to be a long ride and Esme would be upset. At least riding with Jasper and I, she could shed her tears without being the subject of sly, uncomfortable looks. Rosalie knew how to _make _people cry; she didn't have the first idea about how to deal with people that were upset. When the universe evolves around you, it's hard thinking about anyone else. I snorted a laugh and cast her a quick glance in the mirror. The top of her car was down and her hair was blowing behind her like a scene from a movie. She looked stunning, as always. I tore my eyes away and decided to at least _look _like I was paying attention to the road.

After being on the road for an hour or so, Alice called. Until that moment, Jasper had been quiet and Esme had been silently subdued. I had expected her to go on a crying jag. I had even planned on letting Jasper take a shot at the wheel, so that I could sit in the back and hold her. She was dealing better than I had expected, which made me wonder exactly how much she was holding in. She would only really begin her road to recovery once Edward was back by our side. I only hoped that he would fare the same. I sighed. Who was I kidding?

We all listened as Alice spoke. She was smart; she gave nothing away. She sounded all right, but I could tell that she was hurting on the inside. The way that Jasper held onto and spoke into the phone was like it was the most important thing in the world. I'd never noticed how he acted when he wasn't around her. I guess that in my quest for distraction, I suddenly decided to pay this little extra attention to my brother. I could see it, in every tensed muscle and every word that he spoke. He needed her. That much, I understood. I felt the same way about Rose, without a doubt. The only difference was that we were a little more flamboyant and excessive when it came to displaying our love. When I heard him tell her that he loved her, I had to laugh. I was sure that he told her all the time, but hardly ever in front of the rest of us. It was a sign of the times; we were all feeling pretty desperate.

There was, however, one instant that gave me a glimmer of hope, despite this whole tragic mess. I saw him take Esme's hand. Not once had I ever seen him try anything of the sort and the look on my mother's face tugged at my heartstrings. He didn't see it; too engrossed in the moment with his love, but a tear escaped her eyes. I watched, as she reached out to touch his hair. I grinned to myself; I loved it when she played with my hair. Rosalie was above such trivial things. From the look on his face, I knew that he enjoyed it. It was a warming sight; the comforter being comforted for once and by no special power other than the simplest of touches. I tried to take hope from the moment. If the outcome of the tragedy made us stronger, more loving, more of a family and better people, was it worth the sacrifice? I only hoped that Edward and Bella would benefit from the split. I had to believe it, there was no other way to deal with what was happening. Turning my eyes back to the road, I tried to focus on things that were good.

_4/Esme_

I was tired, tired of crying and also more than a little ashamed of my behaviour. During the course of the morning, I had wept relentlessly until there were no tears left to fall. All the while, I worried that my distress would upset Edward further, which, in turn, caused me to worry all the more. Now, I was spent. Every muscle ached, my face hurt and I was forced to accept that there was no more use in mourning the loss of my son's love. I would take strength from the others, who showed an enviable amount of control over their emotions.

Sat here with my other sons, I tried to think of other things, but it was difficult. In my difficulty to push my thoughts past Edward, what little further I progressed only brought me to Carlisle. I was so lonely without my husband. Being under the influence of Jasper's calm was one thing, but the presence of my husband was another. My son's talents helped, but the effects only provided a temporary relief. The moment he stopped doing whatever it was that he did, the sorrow returned. Only Carlisle could help lessen the pain and help me deal with it.

As they drifted into their own thoughts, I watched them and wondered how either would fare if they had been forced to lose their life partners. The thought of a lifeless, eternally miserable Emmett brought a lump to my throat and one glance at my newest son's face when he his phone reached his ear, confirmed that he would never survive the loss. Jasper was such a curious, quiet and sweet boy. It warmed my heart to hear the love expressed in the few words that he spoke to Alice. Desperate to hear news of Edward, I rudely interrupted his conversion. At Alice's reply, my hand went to his shoulder. I hadn't meant it and upon withdrawing my hand, I was shocked when his unfamiliar hand took a hold of my own.

Jasper's touch was something I was unaccustomed to and it was every bit as gentle and careful as I had imagined. As our fingers laced together, he pressed the back of my hand to his smooth cheek and my throat closed. Tentatively, I reached my other hand to his hair. I did not know how he would respond, but I had to do this one thing; this single, affectionate gesture that I saved for my boys. My fingers ran through his hair and it felt wonderful. Longer than Edward's and just as soft, I was reluctant to stop. My fears of rejection were thwarted, as my son leaned backwards, encouraging me to continue. A tear trickled down my cheek. Maybe there was hope for us after all? I smiled, enjoying the moment for what it was. Overjoyed that in this bleak time, I could find something that was good.

_6/Rosalie_

The morning was wonderful, the drive was wonderful, and everything was wonderful! The weather was so gloomy that since we had begun our journey, I could drive my beloved M3 with the top down. The others were bundled together in the Jeep, free to mope around as much as they wished and I was free to enjoy the moment. As far as new beginnings went, this was the best yet. Grinning massively, I savoured the wind blowing through my hair, the speed at which we travelled and began to make plans for what we would do when we were settled. Maybe Emmett and I would stay with the rest of them or maybe it was time for another Honeymoon! The possibilities were endless! I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leaned back, pushing my foot harder on the accelerator.

_7/Carlisle_

I drove to the hospital, glad that I was able to enjoy working one last shift. I would do my last good deed for the town of Forks. Thinking about my family, I hoped that they were fine. I had given them the address of what was to be our new home and hoped that they would find it as suitable as I believed. By the time we rejoined them, they would be settled and we would be ready to move on, or so I hoped. Comforted by the fact that Alice was present to offer Edward comfort in my absence, I was able to concentrate on the night shift that awaited me and the faces that I would miss when we were gone.

As much as my son looked up to me, I knew that on this occasion, contrary to his belief, my presence alone was not enough. Alice may have been his newest sister, but their relationship and bond was strong. She would see him through these next two days. With the hospital parking lot in sight, I turned off my thoughts and became Dr Carlisle Cullen.

_8/Edward_

Charlie opened the door and gawked. I smiled politely and dipped my head in a respectful manner.

"Good afternoon Chief Swan", I said as brightly as my internal, conflicting sullen mood would allow.

"E- Edward! This is a- um… wow. Uh- well… Come on in…" he stammered and awkwardly held the door open for me.

I stepped inside and shrugged out of my jacket, folding it neatly over my arm. _So far, so good_.

"How are you sir?" I asked considerately, whilst shooting a glance to the top of the stairs.

The movement was for his benefit and he caught on quickly. I liked Charlie.

"I'm good. Listen… Bella isn't home yet. Didn't she tell you? She's at work?" he informed me, trying not to sound offensive, but mainly talking down to his socks.

"Really?" I sounded surprised. " She must have forgotten to mention it. Oh _well_…" I sighed long and hard.

The sound of the television reached my ears and my expression perked as my head darted in the direction of the living room.

"Are you watching the _game_?" I asked, the excitement sounding false on my lips. I cringed on the inside.

Just as I had hoped, Charlie's mouth curved up at the corners. It was the first genuine smile I had seen since my first date with Bella. For a while now, he had undoubtedly held me responsible for almost getting his daughter killed. Therefore, since our return from Phoenix, he had understandably taken less of a shine to me. If only he knew the truth. I grinned at him hopefully and his answering smirk sealed the deal.

"Well Edward, she won't be home for a couple of hours, but you are more than welcome to stay and watch the game. That is if you don't mind being cooped up in the company of an old timer", he joked.

"I think I can handle it sir", I laughed, before adding a hasty, heart-felt, " Thanks!"

"You're welcome", he mumbled, embarrassed, as he ushered me towards a chair.

I sat in the single armchair, leaning forward, feigning interest in what had to have been the most boring game of baseball I had ever seen. I whooped and yelled at the appropriate times, normally a few seconds after Charlie issued noises of his own. This was, by far, the easiest part of my plan. Pretending for Charlie wasn't hard. Waiting for Bella to come home was harder. My eyes flickered to flashing clock on the VCR too many times, counting the minutes until the end of her shift. Time seemed to move slowly and yet, the sound of her truck reached my ears sooner that I was prepared for.

Staying learned forward, my elbows propped up on my knees, I did not move when she entered the house. When she made her presence known, I offered her a polite smile and told her that I would be with her shortly. I intended no such thing. I stayed exactly where I was, leaving her no option other than to join us. What she thought of my actions, I would never know. Her tension was apparent, her unease obvious and though I did not look at her, I could feel her eyes land on me from time to time, in a vain attempt to decipher my expression.

By now, the game had ended and there were only mindless sitcoms that rotted the brain. My eyes stared blankly at the screen, my face expressionless as I waited for as long as I possibly could. Her behaviour confused me. For some reason, she decided that now, of all times was the perfect opportunity for photography! I posed for a photograph, but I could not smile or relax. Once the picture was taken, I began to feel the first waver of my resolve. I told her I had to leave. She walked me out. She asked if I would return to her later. I told her I would not. I left her quickly then, without turning back, afraid that if I took one glimpse into her pleading eyes, it would be enough to ruin all that I had achieved. Driving away before I could change my mind, before it was too late, I wanted nothing more than to be alone. I dreaded seeing Alice waiting for me. As it happened, my concerns were needless. She never emerged from her room and I headed straight to my own.

The hours passed and when Carlisle returned from work, he found me sat in my room in complete silence. After giving me a small smile, he left me to make further preparations for our exit. Today would be the day that he informed the hospital of our intentions to leave. Today would be the day where to my Bella; I would not utter a single word. Today would be the day that Alice would sit and wait for me to return from school; already knowing that I would seek her company. Today would be the true beginning of the end.

School time arrived; I changed into some different clothes and waited in the usual place, leaning against my Volvo. Looking distant and sombre was no challenge; I was acting the way that I felt. If I had thought that the previous day had been hard, this day was a nightmare. I could not permit myself to neither look at nor speak to her. Apart from the obvious depression, the thoughts of others reminded me of what I was about to lose. I could hear all the young men as they witnessed our growing distance, as they began to consider how they would approach her when I was inevitably gone. It was too much to bear. The closest I came to talking to her was whispering an answer in class when she was clearly too distracted by my behaviour to pay attention.

By the end of the day, I was at the end of my tether and close to breaking point. I walked her to the truck without a word and sped away before she had even pulled out of her parking space. Teeth clenched, knuckles white from trying not to break anything, I cursed, spat and fought back the tears as I longed for it all to end. I was out of the car and storming into Alice's room without a knock, before I could contain myself. She did not blink as I crumpled to the floor at her feet or utter a word as I lay, curled up into a ball, sobbing dry, heaving sobs.

Sitting herself down on the floor by my side, she pulled my head onto her lap and stroked my face and hair as I broke down. Neither of us said a word and Carlisle did not disturb us once. Afternoon tuned into night and nothing had changed. I was a wreck and Alice held me like a child. Suddenly she stiffened and I knew that there was something she had seen.

"What is it?" I asked quietly.

"She wants to talk to you tomorrow and sort things out once and for all. She was looking at some photographs when she made her choice", she said, her voice tight and controlled.

I groaned and turned, burying my face against her stomach. I hadn't considered the consequences of such things as allowing her to take my picture! She could not have such things lying around. If any reminder of us remained, she would never recover. It occurred to me that there were other things that would pose as reminders when we were gone. There was no more time. It was night, she would be asleep. If I were to take any action, it would have to be now.

"I could do it…" Alice offered kindly, seeing what I had decided.

"No", I insisted. " It should be me"

"Why do this to your self?" she argued.

"Because… this is my burden to bear. After this, there will only be tomorrow" I replied, a stream of convincing stories to tell my love and possibly places to say goodbye filling my mind as we spoke.

Alice's eyes drifted out of focus. Her brow furrowed and she hesitantly met my eyes.

"You should leave Charlie a note too…in Bella's handwriting, telling him that she has gone for a walk in the forest…" she advised me with wary eyes.

"All right", I breathed, too distracted to give her suggestion any thought.

"Whilst you do what you must, do you want me to at least wait for you outside her house?" she suggested.

I wanted to refuse her offer, but I knew that there would be no risk of changing my mind if I knew that she was waiting for me below. I nodded feebly and she kissed my brow. An hour later, I was inside Bella's room, looking anywhere but where she lay. I was quick to find all that needed to be removed, but found that I was reluctant to take it away. Was there a way in which I could leave a part of myself with her without her knowing? She would always have my heart and yet, it didn't seem enough. The idea came to me and despite my sorrow, I smiled. Carefully lifting the floorboards, I hid the offending articles from sight. Maybe she would never find them. Maybe one day she would. It didn't matter, I would always know and that seemed to be enough. I hastily scrawled a note for Charlie and left it on his dresser table, ready for before he left for work. My task complete, I exited the house via the front entrance, leaving no evidence that I had even passed through.

And so I waited for the morning, with Alice holding my hand. It came and with it, that final sense of dread. Carlisle came and spoke to me, but I was in a daze. Seeing my state, he relayed the message to Alice, who later confirmed that as soon as I had done what needed to be done, I was to come home and we would leave immediately. They would be waiting for me. Mechanically, I prepared myself for my last day at Forks High School…my last day with my love.

I drove and waited for her in a trance like state. Even when she arrived, as we progressed through the day without a word, it felt like I wasn't really there, that it couldn't possibly be happening. It was. This was it. The day was soon over and we were walking back to the parking lot when I turned and spoke to her for the first time in almost two days. I asked her if I could see her…now. She said she needed a letter delivered. I told her I could deliver it faster. In my attempt to smile, I frightened her with the dead look in my eyes. She left to meet me by her house. By the time she arrived, I was already stood outside my car, waiting. I had learned the lines that I was going to say; now it was merely a case of convincing her. I braced myself for the hours that lay ahead of me, trying to make her believe that my words were true. Leading her to the outer rim of the forest, we stood and I told her my lies, my endless stream of lies.

I had been wrong. Everything that I had endured the past three days was nothing compared to this. The lies were easy; her reaction however was unbelievable. She believed me. She believed me without putting up any argument, any fight or expressing any doubt to my words. The smaller part of me argued that I should be ecstatic! It was for the best! The larger part screamed, "HOW?!" How could she possibly believe me?! How could she honestly think that I did not love her after the countless times that I assured her that my love for her would never die! How could she believe that I had grown bored of her! That I could ever exist without her?! It seemed unfathomable to me and yet, she believed.

Her self confidence was a cause for concern at the best of times, but to see her actually believe that she wasn't good enough for me, not special enough, that I had grown bored of her?! It was too much. I had to say goodbye, to end out conversation before I stood and shouted at her until I was blue in the face! Before I accused her of being so completely and utterly absurd for doubting my everlasting love for her! The temptation was too great. After a parting stroke to her face and an exchange of promises, I was running. I was running away from my love, my life and heading towards the only thing that waited for me now: an eternity of nothingness. I had promised her that I would never interfere with her again. She promised me her safety. It was more than I could ever ask.

I was back in my car in the blink of an eye and parked outside our house in no time at all. Carlisle and Alice were sat in his Mercedes, ready to leave. We each gave the house one, final glance and with my father taking the lead, I followed as we sped out of the town's limits, never to return again. Upon crossing the border, the real pain began. With every mile that we passed, I felt myself slipping away, until I no longer knew who I was. I was no one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: New Beginnings**

_1/Emmett_

Here we were… _again_. We were three people short, but it did not change this all too familiar scene. It was _another_ new beginning. Standing in a line, we stood staring up at our new home. Carlisle had given us the address; all we had had to do was pick up the keys. Another house on the outskirts of another city, another concealed drive with trees almost hiding the entire place from view. At first glance, it was obvious this house was newer than our last; it was all in the architecture. Wordlessly, I made my way to the door, slipped the key into the lock, listened for the faint click and then pushed. The door creaked open and one by one, we stepped inside.

Everything about this place was new; the smell of the wooden panelling, the linoleum, even the faint odours of fresh paint and varnish still lingered inside. I felt Rosalie's hand slip into mine. Looking down at her, she smiled up at me encouragingly. I still wasn't sure in regards to my feelings towards her. Catching her smug reflection in the mirror whilst we drove had done nothing to ease my mood, but now, her smile was warm, genuine and the squeeze of my hand was infused with love. We took the first floor, Jasper took the second and Esme remained below. After briefly scouring and examining our chosen areas, we met at the bottom of the stairs. The routine was so familiar, that we already knew whose room would be whose and what room would serve what purpose. I blew the air noisily from my cheeks and glanced up at the plain, flat, boring ceiling.

"I like it," I lied weakly. I missed Forks already.

"I think it had a certain charm," Rosalie said brightly.

"It has potential," Esme agreed. I could see that she was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. I could also see my feelings reflected in her eyes, sweeping over our new home; comparing it to our last.

"Considering it was a last minute arrangement, we were lucky to find such a suitable home in such a suitable area," Jasper said matter-of-factly.

I didn't miss his subtle glance in my direction. It was the briefest, most deliberate look. My face was showing too much. Clearly my attempt to conceal my feelings with my words was failing miserably. A peek at Esme's withdrawn expression told me that my assumption was correct. Painting a more amiable expression across my face, I prepared to launch into a series of positive remarks about the house. To my surprise, Rosalie beat me to the punch. With one hand still clutched onto mine, she reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair that had fallen across my mother's face. The gesture made my mother eye my wife curiously, then upon realising that the reaction may be considered rude, Esme smiled tentatively.

"Do not worry Esme. We have two days in which to transform this place into our new home. There is much we can do. The rooms appear smaller, but I'm sure that the boys can do something about that. You and I can set about decorating. This way, when the others arrive, everything will be perfect." The accompanying smile to her heartfelt words was breathtaking, even to our kind.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper eye her in wonder. Esme returned her smile and then turned her eyes to me, her second favourite son. With her eyes locked onto mine, she missed the dark look Rosalie shot her brother and the smirk that he bit back in response.

"Two days is enough to make a difference," my mother agreed, with a new sense of hope.

"I daresay it is," I grinned, turning to Jasper. "Shall we leave the ladies and find a hardware store?"

"Sounds like a plan," he shrugged and smiled his half smile.

Putting an arm around Esme's shoulders, Rosalie winked up at us.

"Yes, you boys leave. I don't know how we will survive without you, but somehow, we'll pull through," she trilled in a high voice. My mother chuckled and gazed at her daughter strangely, but not without affection.

As we passed them, my wife squeezed my hand one last time and smiled broadly. She even went as far as touching Jasper's arm as he brushed past. He gently returned the gesture, before stroking my mother's cheek once, causing her to smile even more brilliantly than before. Then we left.

Arriving here late in the evening, we headed to the nearest open hardware store. We bought the necessary equipment and tools that we needed and headed back. Upon our return, we found the ladies engrossed in a discussion about painting and slyly rolled our eyes at one another. This was _one_ conversation we were _glad _to have missed. After being greeted warmly, we set about our mission for the next two days. Forming two separate teams, we each took a floor and started on the task at hand. _This_, at least, was the _fun_ part. There was some great satisfaction to be gained from tearing walls apart with your bare hands. There were rooms to combine, enlarge and demolish. It was all a welcoming distraction, steering our minds away from the absent three. Never tiring, we worked without stopping, only taking short breaks from time to time to check on the other two.

It was a curious two days. Strange, but not unpleasant. Us unlikely four, us unlikely pairs began to bond. It was noticeable from the moment that we endeavoured to convert our home. There was no easy way to put it; if given the choice, we would have spent our time in the company of another. It was not due to any dislike, it was merely preference. After decades of existence and an eternity ahead of us, we could afford to be self indulgent and a little choosy. If the entire family had been at our disposal, we would have chosen different partners. I would have worked with Edward; Jasper with Carlisle and Alice would have worked with both Esme and Rosalie. Here with Jasper, I did not feel uneasy. Firstly, considering his ability, it was _impossible_ regardless, but secondly, I did actually rather like him. Quiet and brooding as he often seemed, I was aware that he _was _capable of talking and making the occasional joke. He did poses a sense of humour, although I rarely saw it rear its head. As we worked, we talked. Conversation was light hearted. Whereas if I were with Edward, I would have settled for some slightly aggressive, yet humorous male banter, on this instance, we took to exchanging stories. Most of these stories evolved around hunting, most of which ended in our booming laugher bouncing off the walls.

When the girls came up to check on us, they berated us mockingly, accusing us of participating in more _play,_ than doing any actual work. It was obvious that they were pleased with our interaction. It was fun, but it wasn't enough to completely shake off the anxiety. Surreptitious glances at Jasper's face showed no sign of any other emotion other than his craving for Alice. Had I not known what to look for, I would not have guessed; he hid _beautifully._ We needed Carlisle, we missed Alice and we were all more than concerned about the state in which our brother would arrive. Whether the ladies had as much success with their form of distraction, I was unsure. Esme and Rosalie's enchanting laughter would occasionally reach our ears and make us smile; it was a comforting sound.

What could I say? I was proud of my wife. Whatever her intentions, she was without a doubt, being utterly charming. Never had I seen her behave so civil, so friendly and so unselfishly. I was not ignorant of the reason behind her mood. She was still buoyant, but whilst her actions led to helping ease people around her, I would not stop her. Once again, I found myself thinking about how Edward would react to her new-found sense of family? Would her actions be enough, or would the fact that her behaviour was a by product of the tragedy be enough for him to resent her for however long it took for him to get over what had happened? I refused to think that he _wouldn't _get over it. I could never know for sure until I saw him. He would come around in time. We had time; an eternity's worth.

Before the end of the second day, we had done all that we could. The house was finally beginning to feel like a home. We had decorated and unpacked what we had hauled along with us. All that was missing was the presence of the others and what they brought with them. The downside of our success was being reduced to doing what we were all so determined to avoid; waiting.

Under any _normal _circumstances, patience was one virtue we were _very_ good at. Not on this occasion, everyone was _far_ too restless. Esme was sat out on the front steps, staring intently down the drive, as if they were due to arrive at any moment. Jasper stood more casually, leaning against the front porch. It was a cool stance, betrayed only by the way his eyes jumped to the side at the slightest sound. As for me, call me shallow if you must, but I had my _own _means of losing track of time. Rosalie was washing the cars. I sat on the other side of the steps, chin in palm, ogling at my wife, who's clothing was soaked through, clinging to every contour of her body, as she pressed herself up against my Jeep. If other vehicles had means of passing our home, there would have been many, _many _accidents.

As time passed, the M3 was dealt with and the others _still_ hadn't arrived. By now, we were _all_ sat on the front steps, side by side, waiting it out _together_. I turned my head to the side to look at the others. From their various profiles alone, I could see every last set of ebony eyes staring blankly ahead. They were hungry; I was _ravenous_. It had been almost _six _days since we had last eaten. There were several State Parks nearby, all with an abundance of fairly large mammals to feed on. I don't know why the others left it for so long, but _I_ was just being _choosy_. It was a dangerous game to play, but I didn't _want _deer, I wanted _bear_. It wasn't enough for me to just _eat_; I liked to _play_ with my food and playing was no fun _alone_. I wanted Edward to be back. Hunting wasn't the same when he wasn't there.

Determined to do _something_, I went back into the house and found one of our laptops and brought it back outside with me. Resting it on my knees, I switched it on. Able to afford the latest models, there was no waiting whilst it booted up and one click on the Internet icon took me straight to the homepage. I shot in the names of the local parks and did a search for the whereabouts of my local, four legged, furry friends. Rosalie leaned across to see what I was looking at and smirked.

"Are we eating out tonight?" she asked innocently, her eyes dancing with humour.

"_Something _like that," I replied with a wry smile.

"What is on the menu?"

Shuffling closer, she glanced from photograph to photograph and grinned. I watched as her face and eyes lit up. Rosalie loved deer. Esme and Alice also had a preference for prey that they could chase. Even Carlisle preferred these graceful creatures to ones with which you could wrestle. Esme, tearing her eyes away from the drive, glanced our way. She saw Rosalie's expression and smiled, despite the tension.

"Yes, hunting tonight _would _be a good idea. We _have_ left it too long. Carlisle will be displeased that we waited for them," she said, with a trace of guilt.

"I have an idea. Why don't you and I, Carlisle and Alice take to Buttermilk Glen? Emmett, Jasper and Edward can drive to Adirondack Park. It will not take them long and maybe, after some fun and a meal, he will be ready to move on?" Rosalie suggested. There was no need to confirm who "_he_" was.

Her plan was a sensible one; we all needed to eat. I was certain that the others hadn't had time to snack on the way and a _hungry _Edward was an _angry_ one. Rosalie was right; after we were all well-fed, things would be more manageable. She wasn't _just _an exquisite face. I smiled.

"That is an excellent idea!" I agreed enthusiastically.

A little of my enthusiasm rubbed off on Jasper and I could imagine where his thoughts were travelling. It wouldn't be long now, I could feel it. The sun was setting and the last of the evening light was waning. I flicked on the porch light and at that moment, we heard it, the sound of a car. Leaping to our feet, unable to hide our relief and incapable of stopping the smiles from spreading across our faces, we watched as the two cars came speeding up the drive. Well, _almost _all of us. I felt Rosalie's fingers crush mine and realised that despite her smile, she was scared. Scared of Edward's rejection. I squeezed her hand gently back, but _my _smile was genuine. I couldn't _wait_ to see him or all of the others. As the vehicles skidded to a stop, we hurried to greet them.

_2/Edward_

Two days we travelled. There were no stops and no exchange of words. I would feel their worried gazes and their thoughts of concern every now and again. I saw and heard these things, but none of it registered. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore. Foolishly, I had assumed that the further we travelled, the emptiness would claim me and I would be spared from feeling anything at all. I no longer thought that I was capable of feelings, I wished that I wasn't. My eyes looked, but did not see. For a while, I even stopped breathing. It made little difference to my existence, what was the point? Every part of me just wanted to stop functioning, stop moving and just be still. I couldn't. We had to keep moving until we reached our new home. I would have chuckled humourlessly at the thought, had I had control over the muscles in my face. I didn't try. I had now given in, to the worthless being that I had become. This was the closest I was getting to my wish, to do absolutely _nothing_. My foot never seemed to move off the accelerator; pressed almost all the way down. Only occasionally I would shift the wheel in one direction or another to manoeuvre the car. Apart from that, I was still. I was still on the outside and the inside. Physically and mentally, I was frozen. There was no escaping the emotions though. I was fighting against it and I was losing. I couldn't win no matter what I tried.

I left her, I did the right thing; _We_ did the right thing. Being as far away from her as possible would be the best thing for her; for me and yet, it was as though I were being torn apart by wild horses. I had hoped that with every State that we passed through, the distance would bring with it some form of peace. I didn't expect much, just a _little_, just _enough_ to exist in this hollow body. There was no peace, only a desperate struggle, as every one of my senses and the core of my being knew that I was leaving _her_ behind, leaving _me_ behind. There was no other way to look at it; she _owned_ me, _every _part of me. In leaving her, I left myself behind. I would let her keep me. It was better to live this pitiful existence than to endanger her further. Maybe by the time we reached Ithaca, something inside me would snap? Some form of plug would be pulled and it would all go away? I could be the walking dead that I felt in my mind, merely existing. I couldn't die, not yet; not whilst I knew that somewhere, she was still breathing, somewhere she was _happy_. What were another eighty or so years? A blink of an eye.

The blink of an eye seemed like an _age,_ as the stabbing hurt struck me. I imagined her with another, happily married and with children. A husband and family of her own, all the things that I could _never_ give her. How had I ever deserved her love? How had I ever deserved her attention and all the sacrifices that she had been willing to make for me? I deserved _none_ of it. I had been bad for her in every way. Having chosen to meddle in her life, I had left a dark cloud over her impressionable teenage years. Much to my surprise, I was envious. My words in the forest were not all lies. There was truth in the fact that with humans, time _heals_. She would heal, she would move on; I would not. I could not, I would _never_ move on. I did this to myself, to the _both_ of us. The price she would pay as a result of my actions would maybe last a few months. The price that _I_ would pay would _never_ end and I welcomed my penance.

How was it that even _now_, I could not bring myself to regret taking that step? Allowing myself to peruse her, allowing he to love me, allowing us to fall so deeply in love that the damage was irrevocable. I could not regret it. Words could not describe the pain or the void in my chest, but they proved something. The proved that I had _loved _and been loved in _return_. For only love can leave such a gaping, festering wound. Wounds that either heal with the passing of time, or don't, but they _always _scar.

She would be left with a scar and as the years passed; it would fade to a small, barely decipherable mark; not for me. This wound was not meant to heal, the pain would never fade away and time would not erase what had passed. A part of me wondered whether it _could_, if I _let_ it, if I _tried_. I was stubborn in my torment; stubborn to cling to what I had experienced. I would not let my suffering cease; I would rake at the wound with my bare hands if I had to. I needed the pain so that I could remind myself of what we had, why I had made my choice and to never forget what it felt like to love her. Unable to let go, I would exist on the inside. All energy, all effort to exist for anyone else had left me.

I followed the car before me and I didn't know why; I was no use to them anymore. I had nothing to give them, any of them. There was no becoming the son or the brother I had once been; _that_ Edward was _dead_. I suddenly wished that I could be alone. The temptation to turn the wheel and slip into a different lane was great. There was too much to deal with, too many urges to reign in and the thought of their eager, concerned and expectant faces flared my anger. Did they think that it would be that easy? That we would leave and I would merely move on? Surely they knew me better than that and if they _did_, could I stomach the looks on their faces, whenever I passed them by? Could I handle the look on Esme's face, as day by day, she realised that there would _be_ no recovery? I knew then that I could not. The others would tolerate my behaviour, accept my new, morose state of being; my mother would only be upset.

Wouldn't it be kinder if I left them? Seeing me like this would only cause them pain. I didn't want to hurt anyone else; I had caused enough damage. I had thrown one life temporarily out of balance, why would I ever dream of inflicting my presence and dreariness on my own family? Maybe a short separation would be wise, at least until I was able to at least put on a good show of looking as though I were coping. The short separation was beginning to look like a _very_ long and very _permanent_ one. Somewhere deep behind the excruciating pain and the agony, a small voice reminded me that I loved my family and I _did_… I just felt the agony _more_. I would follow Carlisle to the house. I owed them my presence for a few days at _least_; I owed them _that_ much. After that, I would seek my solace and I would do it _alone_.

Throughout the journey, we had been blessed. The weather had been dark and dreary; the heavens opening up, showering rain down upon us in thick sheets. Like my mood, the atmosphere around us was dark and bleak; it was a Godsend. With no reason to stop and the roads too treacherous for more mortal drivers, the gas pedal was pressed against the floor for a large percentage of the journey and I was less inclined to deviate from my path.

Day turned into night, night turned into day and as the second day dissolved into twilight, we had slowed, driving up another briefly concealed drive. I hadn't paid any attention to the signs, I hadn't take in any of our surroundings. Throughout the entire journey, I had only stared at the bumper of the car in front, following obediently. Apparently, we were here. Half expecting a surge of anxiety at the thought of facing the others, my muscles locked in anticipation; it never came. Already I was too dead on the inside to care. _Good_, I thought. _It will make things easier_. The Mercedes stopped. I killed the engine of my Volvo. I waited for Carlisle and Alice to get out of the car first and then I followed.

There was a shimmer in the air by the porch and a blur, as I watched the four who had waited for us flit towards us. It was difficult to focus on them, it was difficult to focus on anything. When I finally dragged myself from my introversion and looked at the remaining members of my family, I felt the most unexpected surge of bitterness and envy that were almost instantly replaced by self-loathing and then, nothingness.

Seeing the two couples reunited was too much and yet, I couldn't bring myself to look away. If it had been Emmett and Rosallie, somehow, for some reason, it wouldn't have been as bad. Their reunion would have been energetic, very physical and enough to make one look away, embarrassed. I did not doubt that they loved each other any less than these pairs, but there was something in this quiet, almost careful interaction that emanated the kind of love that I no longer had. Both sides, too moved to utter a word, could only reach out for the other.

Esme slowly took her husband's hand and he pulled her into his embrace, her face buried against his chest, his lips against her hair. I watched, as Jasper appeared before Alice, giving her a hard and desperate look, before lifting her like a child into his big arms. I knew that look; I _understood_ that look. After weekends spent hunting away from my love, upon my return, upon seeing her for the first time after a few days, I would give her that look and when our eyes met, everything would fall into place. I would feel it, the feeling of being whole once more. Recognising a look that I would never give or receive again, I cast my eyes aside. The movement was not enough, I still saw the moment when Alice wrapped her legs around his middle, flung her arms around his neck and turned her face into his shoulder. He held her to him closely, as if he feared that she would disappear if her let her go. Closing his eyes, he kissed her brow again and again, until he was reluctantly forced to place her back down on her own two feet.

Suddenly, it was all too hard. Even maintaining this neutral, vacant expression was a chore. All I wanted was t be alone. All I wanted was to let my body crumple, let my face fall, allow myself one more bout of mourning before I embraced what little remained of my immortal life.

"Edward!" Emmett yelled, bounding towards me and pulling me into a manly bear hug.

"Emmett," I said, my voice was flat, toneless and emotionless. Speaking was difficult.

"Hello Edward," Rosalie's soft voice reached my ears.

It was such a change from her usual, arrogant tone that I was forced to look at her. Her smile was small, but filled with feeling. The apprehension in her eyes was genuine. Staring back into them, I felt my brows bunching together and the corner of my mouth lift into the beginning of what I soon realised was a sneer. Rosalie. The only one who was truly happy as a result of what had happened. Emmett's arm was still slung around my shoulders. I stood tense, not wanting to be touched, but I allowed him this contact. I couldn't promise myself that I wouldn't attack his wife if she provoked me with her happiness any further. With the greatest of efforts, I relaxed my brows and nodded at her once. I no longer frowned, but there was no changing the hard set of my jaw or my pursed lips. In my eyes, the hostility remained. Her smile faltered and her eyes flickered to her husband.

"_Edward…_" Esme's caring voice stole my attention, as she let go of Carlisle and approached me with open arms.

Walking into her embrace, I stood and let her hold me. Her hands went to my hair, her lips to my cheek and she muttered words that I did not hear. Half heatedly, I lay a hand on her back and brushed my lips against her forehead. The others were watching me, scrutinising my expression, assessing my actions. I ignored them. When Esme finally pulled away, she took my face in her hands and gazed into my eyes. I met her gaze for the briefest moment, before dropping my eyes to the ground. I did not want to see the reaction to whatever it was that she saw. Her hands lingered on my face and with a final caress of my cheek and the whispering of my name, her hands slipped away.

"Hello Edward", Jasper said politely, as if he had just noticed me for the first time. I nodded. Nodding, I could do.

They started to talk amongst themselves and I tuned the sound out, I ever tuned out all their thoughts. It wasn't as difficult as I imagined. Someone handed me some boxes; I didn't know whom. I took them inside, placing them haphazardly across the living room floor. This was our new home and as far as I was aware, I hadn't even glanced up at it once. Even on the inside, my eyes skimmed over objects, seeing nothing. Helping carry the boxes at least involved no interaction, no attention. It was a mechanical task, a _soulless_ task...how _appropriate_. Outside again for the umpteenth time, I reached for a box and noticed that there were none left to take. My name was called; I turned my head a fraction. It was Emmett.

"We are hunting. Come!" he said, clapping a hand to my shoulder and steering me in the general direction of the Jeep.

So, I had _finally _reached the stage of detachment where I needed to be _physically_ manoeuvred by another. How interesting… how _pathetic_. I shook off his arm and he laughed as I hopped into the backseat; less conversation would be required of me from here. Jasper sat up front; he didn't say a word, but I could feel him watching me in the side mirror. I expected the wave of calm that followed and accepted it gratefully; I would need it to see me through the night. Emmett started the engine and we were moving.

I was _hungry_? I had barely _noticed_. More important things, such as the end of my life as I knew it and the empty space between my ribcage had preoccupied me. With the realisation of how long it had been since my last meal, the thirst caught up with me all at once. It was dark outside now and a glance at the window showed my reflection; two black eyes stared back at me. My fingers itched and my limbs were buzzing in anticipation. In this state, it was easier to put my loss aside. In this state, all that mattered was the hunt. Catching sight of my twitchy manner in the windshield mirror, Emmett chuckled and spoke to Jasper, winking at me.

"I told you, there's _nothing_ like a good hunt to take your mind off things," he laughed. I couldn't argue with that statement. It was perfectly true.

It was the only release I would find tonight and only because it was _necessary_. If I had had a choice, if the need to feed wasn't so essential, I would have turned my back on it, taking not a single break from my despair. It was an inescapable need; we needed to drink our fill. I would make up for the lack of pain later; right then, nothing mattered to me more than food. If I were planning to wallow in misery until the end of my days, I would need the energy to give my grief the attention that it so thoroughly deserved.

The Jeep stopped and we got out. One sniff of the air was enough to bring a smile to their faces and a temporary smile of my own. It wasn't _my _smile; it was the smile of the animal within. Parked under the trees at the end of a trail, we faced the direction of our prey and then, we were running and I was in the lead. Like the perfect predators we were, we flitted though the trees, careful not to shift a grain of dirt or brush against a single leaf. They would hear no sign of our approach, not until we wanted them to, not until it was too late.

Following their scent, we were led to a small clearing in the trees. They were nearby, doing some hunting and foraging of their own. We remained perfectly still, as our eyes roved around. Our nostrils flaring, sniffing, searching. A low growl sounded from deep in Emmett's chest. Jasper and I shot our head's around, joining in the rumbling chorus; our eyes making out the shapes of the six black bears, who were now alerted to out presence. Startled, they began to growl warnings of their own. One by one, we shifted into our crouches and menacing snarls ripped from our throats. It would be all too easy to attack them where they stood, but we wanted a fight.

We had now challenged them. They accepted. Their advance was slow, as they spread out before us; seeking to drive us off their land. Crouching lower and growling louder, we chose the ones that would be ours. Emmett was crouched on my right. Jasper was crouched on my left. Our eyes flitted between the two bears we each intended to take. Sensing that we had no intention of backing away, the advancing prey stepped up on their two hind legs, rising to their almost seven feet of height. The growls were no more; now, they only bellowed their single note, our _final _warning. In response, we met their challenging stance by rising from our crouches, shoulders hunched over, fingers splayed and eyes on our kill. They moved forward to attack. Impatient and driven by the scent of their blood, we met them head on.

I no longer paid attention to the others, although I could already hear the snapping of teeth echoing loudly from the now not-so-still night air. Taken over by the thirst, I attacked. One second, I was several feet away, the next, my arms were circled around the great beast's head and my teeth were embedded into its neck. Biting hard, my teeth penetrated the fur and layer of fat; the venom passing straight into the bloodstream. I was not so overwhelmed to the point of forgetting the second bear. My attack had lasted only a few seconds. My victim's strong frown legs sought to wrap around my shoulders, the movement slowed and abruptly halted as my venom paralysed its' muscles from head to tail, rendering the creature completely incapacitated. The second bear loomed over me, dropping downwards with paws outstretched and maw agape, ready to sink its' teeth into my neck in turn. Flitting out of its reach at the last second, I sprang onto its back, securing myself and sank my teeth into the back of its' neck. The creature moaned in protest, before falling, crashing to the ground, me still astride it.

It was not much of a recreational hunting trip; I was far too hungry to prolong the moment and I drank deeply. My thirst forgotten for days caused me to drain my victim quickly. When I finished with one, I feasted on the other and with every gulp, every litre consumed, I felt the strength that I hadn't realised had left me, return. I felt the dark circles lift from under my eyes, being reduced to only the slightest purple. My eyes turned butterscotch colour and my thoughts began to clear. The first emotion that came flooding back was my pain, intense and crippling. My need to be alone was all the more intense and with it came another need, a need to talk. I didn't want to talk, but there were things that needed to be said. I wouldn't have to talk to them all; Emmett and Alice would be enough. They were to whom my words would be applicable. With my hunger sated, I could fight off my desire for solitude until I had done that much. It wasn't something I wanted to do; it was something I _had_ to do. We had left Forks; I was living by new rules and they couldn't just apply to me. I was grateful that the conversation would be a short one, it wouldn't even be much of a conversation. I would be laying down some rules; all they had to do was listen. The rules would be simple enough; simple, necessary vital and also fair.

Turning my head, I saw Jasper rise from his kill. A second later, I heard a loud thud from my right, as Emmett, who had stood holding onto his meal, let the carcass drop to the ground. He turned and flashed me a grin that I was unable to return. Before they could blink, I was running towards the Jeep. They materialised in the driver and front passenger seat a few seconds later. Nobody said a word, but I could feel their eyes on me. Jasper was content in his silence but Emmett was desperate to speak. He didn't have to; his thoughts played inside my mind. He was disappointment that this distraction hadn't lightened my mood, he wished to see me acting like myself and underneath it all, how much he missed our last home. As the last thought passed through my mind, I blocked him out; I couldn't think about that.

In no time at all, we were parked back in front of the house. Carlisle's Mercedes and Rosalie's BMW were already there. Their hunting ground having been that much closer, they hadn't had to go far. Maybe they hadn't even driven. As we trudged lazily towards the house, I noticed that the lights were on, glowing behind the curtains. Stepping up onto the porch, the front door opened and Alice smiled up at us. Jasper walked passed her with a playful ruffle of her hair. Before Emmett could step inside, I tapped him on the shoulder and gave Alice a meaningful look, as if she _didn't_ already know. Casting a sly glance over her shoulder, she stepped out to join us, closing the door behind her. It was a wasted precautionary measure; the others would still hear our words. Regardless, the pretence of privacy somehow made things easier.

They stood facing me. One stared up and one gazed down, both with apprehensive eyes. Opening my mouth, I never realised how difficult it was to speak, when it was not to give an automatic response. It was almost as if I had forgotten how. I cleared my throat and spoke to the ground.

"I know that I have asked much of you all for Bella's sake and for mine, but there is one more thing I must ask of the both of you."

They waited. I sighed heavily.

"Leave her be. Don't try to check up on her…"- my throat closed- "…forget she ever existed," I choked.

I felt Alice's pain and saw her reach out to me. I backed away from he touch and my eyes burned into theirs, begging them, insisting that they grant me this.

"Promise me," I demanded.

Emmett folded his arms and fixed me with a hard look. Alice's head dropped in defeat.

"I promise," she sighed, her delicate brows rising upwards and pulling together in her sorrow.

I looked to Emmett, whose expression had turned difficult. I glared up at him in response.

"If I promise, will you promise to pull yourself together brother?" he asked.

I growled, averting his gaze. "_Promise_ me!" I hissed.

There were a few moments where I could hear his muscles tense, threatening to burst the seams of his shirt and then he replied. His tone was disgusted, angry and bordering on sulky, but his words were all that I wanted to hear.

"I promise," he spat.

"Good," was all I replied.

Stepping past them and opening the front door, I shot up the stairs, avoiding everyone else and located my room. Slamming the door shut and leaning against it, I was finally alone. I could let go. I did.

_3/Jasper_

The past few days without Alice gnawed at my insides, but it _had_ been bearable. I found that by trying harder with the others, I was able to keep my thoughts from how badly I missed her and needed her. I found that my efforts to comfort Esme even brought me a sense of satisfaction. I allowed her to pet me more; it was still something that I was getting used to, but the joy that emanated from her made it worth the minor discomfort that it brought me at times. Most of the time, I actually found that I liked it. Touch wasn't as terrible as I once thought. The only person that had me truly confused and caused me to tense a little was my sister.

Rosalie, like me, was never one for this type of behaviour. I understood why I was doing what I was doing, but Rosalie's motives were different – they completely escaped me. Whenever she touched Esme or hesitated to lay a hand on me, she was _pleased_- _that_ much I could sense. Being Rosalie, I could only _assume_ that her new attitude somehow benefited _her_. However, I did not recoil from the brush of her fingers. Maybe I was testing myself? Maybe I was doing it for Esme? I was unsure. Either way, in these circumstances, it seemed more beneficial to play along.

Time with Emmett was enjoyable; well, as enjoyable as the part of me that begged for my love to return would allow. I felt somewhat closer to my brother after ripping down several walls and spending the best part of two days laughing heartily. The laughter was never forced; I was never one that laughed unnecessarily. If only to be polite, I would sometimes give one of my small smiles to a joke that I didn't find particularly funny at all. There was none of that here; my brother was funnier than I thought and clearly, his opinion of me had also been altered. We knew facts about one another, we co existed, but we had never talked much, just the two of us. It was actually a nice opportunity for us both to see each other for who we really were. Those parts of the few days were entertaining, but nothing compared to the feeling of seeing Alice emerge from the car.

Having focused all my efforts on maintaining a calm exterior, I was spent. The moment she was out of the vehicle, I was there, whisking her off her feet and pinning her to me. To my joy, her reaction was similar to mine. Having her in my arms again was the grates feeling that I had ever known. Only when I was forced to place her down, did I remember the others and I tasted the emotions that circled around me. For the most part, there was relief and happiness and then, there was Edward. Ironically, he looked and _felt_ dead. There was barely any emotion to trace. He was suppressing so much; there was nothing to emanate from him. He was in some form of post-traumatic shock, that much was obvious. I wondered if he would recover? It was difficult to concentrate on anything other than Alice. I wanted to stay here a while longer, but we were hungry and we needed to feed. Parting wasn't as difficult, now that I knew that I would see her again soon.

The hunt was a short one, but my thirst was quenched and I was ready to return home to my love and my family. After feeding, Edward showed no outward change in his behaviour, but he was no longer devoid of emotion, he was holding in so much, he was about to explode. When we returned home, Alice greeted us. The sight of her bright, loving face looking up into mine erased any previous train of thought. Stepping inside our new home, I smiled. At that moment, the picture was a happy one. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie were all sat on the long coach, chattering happily about nothing in particular. Soon Emmett would arrive and both couples would be wrapped in each other's arms. I went to sit on the floor in front of Esme's feet and smiled happily at the thought of Alice joining me shortly. When Edward finally came around, the happy family portrait would be complete.

_4/Esme_

Leaning back against my husband's chest, feeling his loving arms wrapped around me and the touch of his lips to my shoulder; I was able to finally able to start seeing this place as our new home. In all honestly, there was a long way to go, but as far as new beginnings went, this one showed a certain degree of promise. However, the memory of Edward's pain brought me a great deal of hurt. The look on his face when I gazed into his eyes pained me, as did the way he had responded to my touch. The boy that was with us now was not my Edward. How I wished to have him smile once more, to joke with the others, to do anything. This utterly vacant manner caused a chill to rush down my spine.

Before Bella, he was still possibly the most kind, caring, considerate ad wonderful boy I had even known. Now, without her, he was empty. I wanted to believe that he would recover; I needed to believe it. Looking ahead at my daughter and casting furtive glances at my son gave me some hope. If they could change out here for the better, then maybe my first son would stand a chance. I smiled, as Rosalie encouraged Jasper to join in our little conversation; there was hope for us all. As if reading my mind, Carlisle's arms squeezed me gently and he kissed the top of my head once more.

_5/Alice_

After two days on the road with Carlisle and Edward, I was close to going insane. There were so many things to be thought about, so many words to be said and no one spoke. The deed was done, we were gone and as much as I was relieved that the unpleasantness was over, I wanted to break down, if only for a little while. I couldn't. Every time I caught a glimpse of Edward's expression in the minor, I knew that if I gave in, so would he. I saw his decision and I knew that only courtesy was taking him to the house. If pushed him over the edge before then, he would be gone. It was bad enough that I had lost my sister of sorts, but to lose my brother too? I couldn't bear the thought and I kept it at bay. I lamely convinced myself that things might change. Maybe when he was in the company of the others, a part of him would wish to remain with us? I held onto that thought and suffered in silence, counting the hours, minutes and seconds until I would see Jasper. The thought of seeing him, being with him again consumed me and by the time we arrived, I had eyes for no one but him.

We went our separate ways to hunt. Our party returned earlier and I was surprised at how things had changed. Rosalie was talkative, radiant in personality as well as her looks and being disturbingly considerate. I could immediately see that her and Esme had gone a long way in these few days and it made me glad. As they chattered, I waited for Jasper's return and as I did so, thoughts of Edward crept in. There had been no change in his decision and as I waited, my eyes glazed over as he made an additional one.

I had guessed that it was a condition he would devise, but I had been equally careful to guard that thought. My attempts were to no avail. So… we were to face a ban. It was not an unreasonable request. I would honour it, if only to erase some of his pain. As for my own, I would handle it better when my love was by my side.

The sound of tires reached my ears and I assembled my thoughts. Opening the door, I invited Jasper inside and then, just as I had known, I was summoned outside. My brother's struggle to say the words was almost, if not _more_ painful than the words themselves. I wanted to comfort him, but he recoiled. Obviously our time of mourning together was over. From here on, he wished to be alone. After Emmett begrudgingly made his promise, our brother was gone.

We stood together on the porch, he relaxed his stance, whilst I struggled to find the joy that came with our togetherness once more. It took me a while, but I found what little of it I could muster, enough to stop my mouth from pulling down at the corners. Emmett's head shot up to the rightmost window of the second storey, with a frown. Sighing exaggeratedly, he turned his angry eyes away. When they landed on mine, they were desperate.

"_What_ are we going to _do_ with him Alice?" How _long_ can this _last_?" he griped.

"As long as he needs it to," I whispered sadly.

Grunting his disapproval, he growled softly. "He doesn't _need_ it. He _needs_ to get a hold of himself!"

"I don't think it's _quite_ that easy", I replied. I was sure of it.

"Do you see him getting any better?" he asked, scrutinising my face for any give away.

"Do _you_?" I countered. I refused to answer his question, whilst there was still a chance that Edward might change his mind.

Emmett didn't reply, but worry creased his forehead. I didn't like that; it only played on my worst fears. A change of subject was in order.

"Let us return inside. I see your wife has changed rather noticeably," I attempted a teasing tone. It worked.

His frown melted away and his eyes gleamed, as a grin spread across his face.

"If you think _that _is impressive, you should see _Jasper,_" he said with a wink.

That piques my interest. I raised a curious brow and he laughed, pulling me back inside by the arm. It was a good thing that we were down here together; Edward needed this time by himself. Preoccupying myself with the heart-warming sight of my love, sat leaning against the couch with Esme's fingers slipping through his hair and laughing at something Rosalie had just said, I left my brother to his solace and _hoped_. The scene before me certainly gave me more hope that I had dreamed.

_6/Rosalie_

I was immensely pleased with myself and I could tell that my efforts were paying off. I had always been beautiful, but little was known of my _charm_ and I could be the most charming person in the world… if I _wanted_ to… if it were _necessary_… if I _felt_ like it. Normally, it just seemed like a waste of my time. I didn't need to be charming! I could get anything I wanted! Why did I ever need to waste time on such a thing? _This_ was _different_; this was part of my big plan to make it up to them all. I mentally titled _this_ phase of the operation the "_warm up_".

Esme was quick to win over. A few laughs in the right places, a few touches and showing an interest in what she had to say seemed to be all that it took. It was rewarding seeing her reaction to my actions and words. With Jasper, it was a little more difficult, knowing that he shared in my reluctance. I rarely made physical contact with anyone but Emmett. It felt strange to do so casually, but it was comforting when he returned my touches with seeming ease. And as for my husband? His pride _alone_ was almost worth the effort. It had always been enough for him to think that I was the most beautiful thing in the universe and to put up with me, but to be proud of me on _top_ of all that? He never said it; it shone in his eyes and I decided that it was a look that I liked. I could get used to those eyes drinking me in. I found that I _never_ wanted that look to disappear.

To me, this house already felt perfect. I was already feeling at home and then, the rest of them arrived and my nerves kicked in. _Edward_ was back. My charisma would work on the others, but _him_? How could I possibly do this when he knew my every thought and motive? I should have been happy with what I had achieved so far and left it at that. After all, it was _easier_ this way. It would be more _selfish_; it would have been more _me_. So _why_ was I insisting on trying? Because there was a sudden sense of family and it wasn't just the fact that I liked the way the other were reacting to me; I liked the way we were reacting to each other. Edward and I had got off on the wrong foot from the very beginning. Could we not start anew? Could he not give me another chance?

He would not; it was confirmed in that one look he bestowed upon me after I had greeted him. I was both angered and saddened by his reaction, even though he considered his hostility just. I was also more than a little put out by his eyes; black as onyx, there was _still _something missing from them. I knew what it was, but I did not think it. It was _Bella_; the human still _owned_ my brother. The thought of her fuelled my determination once more. _Fine!_ I thought_. If he is so adamant to wallow in self-pity and harbour this grudge against me, then I will make do with the adoration of the others_! I didn't need him, I never did. When he eventually gave in, accepted his loss and moved on, I would be waiting. Maybe he would beg for my forgiveness? Maybe he would apologise for rejecting my offers to make amends? The scenario pleased me greatly. _Yes_, I would be enchanting as ever, everyone would love me and things would turn out the way that they should.

Later, well fed and entertaining the remaining members of my family, Edward slipped from my mind. When all eyes gazed upon me, he was no longer a concern of mine.

_7/Carlisle_

Even whilst sitting in the company of my family and never being more proud of them all, there was no turning my mind away from my son. Regardless of this pleasant moment, I could not dislodge the feeling that the worst was _not_ over; the worst was _yet_ to come. Running my eyes over the beaming faces of the others, I held my tongue. Why should I deny them these moments of happiness when times like these seemed short lived as of late? Prizing the clutches of my thoughts away from Edward, for his sake as well as mine, I laughed along with some joke that I never heard.

_8/Edward_

By now, I was no longer standing. Still leaning against the door, my knees were up against my chest; my fingers gripping the doorframe, welding myself to it, sealing it shut. I couldn't fight it anymore; I'd done what I had for her, but I couldn't hold it all in anymore. She was too far away and the part of me that I'd left behind was screaming at me, calling to me, demanding that if I would not reclaim it, I should remember it, every second of every day and never let myself forget. It was an easy wish to grant.

Opening the floodgates to all my memories that I held dear, it didn't matter how many miles there were between us; the pull was too great. It felt as though my grip on the frame had two purposes, to prevent anyone from entering and to stop myself from running back to _her_, back to _me_. There was only _one_ way I could stay in this room, I had to imagine that she was here. I needed to imagine that she was with me. Closing my eyes so tightly that it stung, I pictured her face. I imagined her warm, lovely face smiling down at me. My fingers punctured holes through the frame now, the wood crumbling to sawdust as my hands curled into fists, tearing holes into the structure, where my hands had once been. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I clamped my fists against my sides with my elbows, in a vain attempt not to cause any further destruction.

She was standing before me now, her imagine, so fresh in my mind, so perfectly preserved. Taking two steps, she dropped to one knee and reached out to touch my face. My chin had dropped to my chest, my teeth gnashed together as this perfect replica crouched inches before me, knowing that if I opened my eyes, she would be gone. With her index finger, she lifted my chin so that I could gaze into her eyes. If I tried hard enough, I could feel her touch. It was faint, an echo of the thousand times she had done it before. Obediently, I raised my head. The illusion I had created caused my fingers to unclench.

Wrapped up in the moment, staring back with my mind's eyes at the face of the only one that I would ever love, my muscles relaxed and inside my head, this was real. She smiled at me and carefully sat herself on my lap. I could almost feel the gentle pressure against my thighs and the faint warmth of her hands, as the hands that did not exist held my face. Parting her lips, she leaned her face towards mine. I stared at her perfect lips, soft and slightly wetted as she ran the tip of her tongue over them. I found my own lips parting in response. Leaning forwards, she touched her lips to mine.

I had already made up my mind. I would kiss her in the way that I never would have allowed myself before. When her hands went to the back of my neck, pressing her face and body to mine, I would let her. With urgency, my breathing increased and I reached out my hands to touch her face, to plunge into her hair, to pull her closer to me than ever before. My fingers groped thin air…

She was _gone_…

… I couldn't feel her anymore… I was utterly alone. The pain racked through me, causing me to fall onto my side and grab fistfuls of my hair, as every part of me throbbed and convulsed with my loss. _How can I be without you? How can I exist without you by my side?_ This was worse than any torture every created by man, ever created by anyone. If I were a mortal, I never would have survived this degree of agony_. I could end it…I could end it if I wanted to… No… Not whilst she lives_.

Somewhere down below, the alien sounds and emotions of laughter and happiness reached my ears and mind, whilst I lay gasping, taking shuddering breaths, too crippled by my sorrow to move_. So, this is the rest of my life_, I thought, as I shivered my way through the next countless hours, until I had lost track of the days.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Passing Of Time**

_1/Edward__  
_

_  
_The months passed, but I remained with my family for no longer than the first week and what a miserable week it had been. However, it was _not _the worst week. The weeks that followed gradually became worse and worse, but _this_ one was the most embarrassing… the most _humiliating_.

Like a stubborn child, I had refused to leave my room. At first, they tried to reason with me, but I would not speak, I would not leave and I refused to move. After a few days, they gave in and let me be. I remained with my back propped up against the door for the first few days. Sometimes, I could feel someone sat on the other side. Some days, it would be Alice and other days it would be Esme. They did not try to speak with me; they only wished to provide me with some form of comfort. As if there was _anything _in the world that could take away my pain. There was only _one _thing and I could not allow myself to think it. Carlisle, Jasper and Rosalie did not attempt to approach me. Only Emmet occasionally stood outside my door, where he would let his anger be felt and then he would leave.

On the seventh day, I made my decision to leave. I was causing more harm than good and it was time for me to take my misery away from the others. My goodbye was a short one. If I had been a coward, I would have left a note in their absence and made my escape. Instead, I packed a case with a few choice items of clothing, my wallet and my cell phone and made my way down the stairs.

Upon announcing that my departure was effective immediate, Esme threw her arms around me and begged me not to leave. With heartbreaking difficulty, I prised my mother's hands from the front of my shirt and told her that I had no choice in the matter. Carlisle's expression was sombre, but he accepted my decision. Emmett folded his great arms and looked away from me, his mouth taut and his eyes narrowed into slits. Alice stared at the panelled floor with vacant eyes. If it were not for the trembling of her slight frame, I would not have noticed the grief that she sought to hide. Jasper nodded at me once, his face grave and then put an arm around his love, as he eyed her with a new worry. Rosalie was the only member of my family who stood calmly, patiently waiting for me to be gone. Even if I couldn't read her thoughts, I would have been able to read the relief on her face. I told them that I would drop by from time to time…I would phone in to let them know that I was alright…I turned my back on my family and I left without looking back.

At first, I drove without knowing where I was going. I would stop and hunt whenever I passed a suitable area and then I would think. I needed some plan, something to occupy my mind apart from reliving things that could never be again. There had to be something that I could do; some way to pass the time until I could embrace my end.

The revelation arrived as I sat, half hidden in the mouth of a cave in some reservation. The sun was bright and my feeding area provided me with a place to remain safely out of sight. From my height, I could see that no humans were around. It was the middle of the day, the middle of the week and outside of the holiday season - there would be no visitors here now.

Lazily, I sat with my back to the stone, allowing one arm to drape by my side. Raising my hand, I watched the rainbows dance off my diamond - like skin, as the rays of the blazing hot sun caused me to sparkle. With my free hand, I wiped the remaining blood from my lips. The mountain lion carcass lay a few feet away from me. I glanced at it once and then looked up at the sun, watching the way that the scenery seemed to shimmer in its haze.

The warmth was pleasant against my skin, reminding me of the soft touch of my love. Glaring up at the fiery, yellow orb in the sky, I cursed it and all of the nature around me for leaving me no place, nothing in this cruel world that did not remind me of _her_. Paying great attention to the red and orange that seemed to tint the edges of the yellow sphere, the idea came to me…

_Victoria…  
_

Reminded of the flaming red of her hair, I began to wonder what had happened to her. After James had been dealt with, there was nothing left to fear and yet, she had been an accomplice. She had not touched a hair on Bella's head, but if it had not been for _her_, James would never have known where to search. Somewhere out there, Victoria was still alive, still capable of causing harm…_not_ for long.

A slow, vindictive smile spread across my lips, as I thought of wreaking my revenge. I would find her and I would make sure that justice was served. But how could I do it? Where would she be? Where would she go? I had never tracked our kind before, only in the simplest of ways. Was it really so hard? I had taken a thorough look inside James' mind and it had seemed simple enough. He _had _however possessed a natural talent for it. Would I be able to find her? I _had _to try.

Racking my brains for any information that I could remember from her chase, I compartmentalised my thoughts. There was the part of my brain that existed in a permanent state of grief, but now there was something _else_ to occupy what little space was left. A worthy project, that would somehow feed my urge to protect the girl that I love and distract me for my _other _needs.

I could _never _think of the other needs. The two were f_orbidden _and no matter how hard they wished for me to answer their call, I would push them aside.

I _would_ not…I _could not_…

One of them would come in time, but the other was completely out of the question. Locking these thoughts away, I let myself be consumed by my new obsession - _finding Victoria_.

_2/Carlisle  
_

_  
_Life carried on, but it was only _half_ a life; there was no filling the hole that Edward had left behind. He had left an emptiness that could not be filled. The room that would have been his remained untouched since he had left - boxes of his belongings stayed scattered across the floor and no body dared to touch them, in a vain hope that one day, he would return.

It was my role to carry the brave face, to set the example of how we should behave, but in the moments when I was alone, away from the others, I would drop my façade and my thoughts would drift to the son that I had lost.

I had always known that his decision to part from Bella would have dire consequences, however, even _I_ had underestimated the sheer extent to which they would extend. Of course I had hoped that the others would move on, but without Edward, the wound dug twice as deep and the effort that everyone put into pretending that everything was fine, was often painful to behold. In their efforts to cope with the circumstances, my family had taken to spending time apart; not just from the whole, but also from each other.

For a few months, Alice spent a lot of her time alone, embarking on her mission to research her past. She would be gone for days at a time and then she would stay, for Jasper's sake. It was her chance to finally discover herself and it was the only way that she could hide her pain and loss from her partner. I could understand why she chose this particular path. Sweet and loving as she was, she would never inflict the unavoidable pain on him, especially when it was so completely unavoidable in his presence.

Jasper, not having the faintest idea what he intended to do, had been open to suggestions. Working part time at Cornell, I picked up a brochure of the courses available and handed it to him on one of the long days that Alice was away. Quick to choose a course that he had not yet studied, he selected Philosophy and enrolled straight away.

From that moment forth, he proceeded to fill every moment that he spent waiting for Alice's return, pouring over hundreds and hundreds of books. To anyone else, the effort would have looked impressively studious, but to me, the intensity with which he distracted himself was heart wrenching.

Emmett and Rosalie had taken the easy way out. At Rosalie's suggestion, they had flown to Europe to spend a few months enjoying themselves. It was one of Rosalie's better ideas. Rosalie had handled what she thought was the temporary loss of her brother with ease. I felt no concern towards her; however, seeing the darkening look on Emmett's face every day was difficult to endure.

My exuberant and boisterous son had taken to sulking in the hall, skulking around the house, as he clung obstinately to the hope that his brother would simply materialise back inside his room. It was unhealthy for him to occupy his time in such a way. He needed to leave this place, if only to come to terms with the fact that it was a false dream…Edward would never return.

Upon their return, they were in higher spirits and well fed, but things were still different…still _off_. Whilst Emmett no longer made his desperation for Edward's return so noticeable, he joked less, talked less, made less of an effort to approach others and he appeared uncharacteristically withdrawn.

In turn, Rosalie, who had started off this new way of life with a vibrant energy, slowly resorted to her usual self and this time, there was a sulky edge, as she took in the state of her husband and the others around her. It took a lot for her to hold her tongue and I admired my daughter for not mentioning the one name that would break down our defences.

The rest of them, I could observe with some sense of detachment, but how could I possibly blind myself to the pain of my wife? Her every effort to mask her emotions caused my carefully composed mask to falter. I could see it…behind every weak smile, every small laugh, every word that she said and every silence that fell between us when she thought that I did not notice…our _son_.

How could she ever accept that he was gone? He was the boy that she had loved almost as much as she loved me, but in a different way. Edward had been her son, her brother and much more. For the three of us had formed the beginnings of this family and without him, it felt as thought we were drifting apart. None of them had been close to her the way that Edward had been. He had let her mother him, chide him, spoil him, smother him with her affection and he had loved her in return and now he was gone.

In following my example, she did not mention his name and spoke of lighter matters, but beneath it all, there was nothing else. I understood her pain; after all, it was also mine.

Alone in my office at the hospital, I tried to remember the last time that he had even called. At first, the phone calls were once a week. They were short, brief and abrupt; only consisting of a few words. It was enough to let us know that he was well… in the loosest sense of the word. He told us of his plan to track Victoria. We did not try to stop him; it was what he felt that he needed to do. Maybe after he had done this one last thing, he would be ready to return and we would be waiting for him with open arms.

I wanted to believe that that was the case, but it seemed impossible. His pain would never end, not unless he relented. The only thing that would make him whole again was being with Bella. If he returned to Forks, he could find happiness once more. Both of these were things that he would never allow to happen.

Selfishly, secretly, I wished that they would, for the good of my son and for the good of my family. I did not think for a second that Bella would not rejoice at our return.

Stomping such thoughts out of my head, I felt the ball point pen snap between my fingers. Staring guiltily at the broken remains, I threw them into the wastebasket and selected a new one, handling it with exaggerated care. I was not accustomed to losing my self-control; this minor lapse bothered me greatly.

Turning my thoughts to the paperwork before me, I tried not to think of when I would next see or hear from my son, knowing that it was a cruel coin toss between a very long time and never again.

_3/Esme  
_

_  
_Restoring the 17th century house was Carlisle's idea. He knew that I loved to participate in such projects - they suited me wonderfully, but even whilst satisfying my passion, I felt hollow. My participation was half hearted and any enthusiasm that I displayed was false.

I know that I was a terrible actress. The others, much to my eternal gratitude, did not pass comment on my poor performance. In all fairness, they were busily fighting to keep up their own. In their efforts, I found some comfort. It was strangely soothing to know that it was not only I who found this adjustment so impossible. Soothing and upsetting…

My Edward was gone and no matter how hard I tried, there was no concealing my distress from Carlisle and behind his enviable attitude, I too could see through his act. Every time that our eyes met, the same questions passed between them - unspoken, but there: Where was our son? Was he in danger? Would he even care if he was? Would he ever come back? Was there anything we could do?

There were no answers, only questions. Living in this way was torturous and knowing that my son was suffering an even worse trauma than ours was too much to bear. I was not allowed to think of him so completely, for if I did, I would only break down. I could never quite tear my thoughts away from him, but I had to try and live the life that we now led; for Carlisle, for the others. Taking a deep breath, I urged my lips to curve upwards and continued with my work.

__

4/Alice  


_  
_I had never paid a great deal of attention to the passing of time before, but for the first time, I noticed that when you wait for something to happen, anything, time crawls. It seemed to take forever to cross out the days and turn over the calendar pages and yet, it wasn't long enough.

As each day passed, I lived in fear or what I might see in regards to Edward. For months and months, all I could see was Victoria in his head. He may not have told us where he was, but I could always see where he was going to go. Whatever information I learned, I kept it from the others and they never asked. It was easier for all of us if we put our trust in him, a thought that scared me to death.

The months dragged out and after my initial mourning and learning about my past, I returned home, if that is what it could be called. People smiled and talked, but the atmosphere was always a cold, tense and unsure.

During conversations, I would see Esme's eyes absentmindedly flicker to the door, as if she was expecting someone and the movement would immediately be followed by the most surreptitious glances by Carlisle. They still hoped. We all did.

Sighing heavily, I stared out of the large open window, into the thick falling snow.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper whispered in my ear.

Snuggling closer against his chest, I held onto his arms that wrapped tightly around me and closed my eyes.

"Nothing," I replied.  
"You are a terrible liar," he teased, kissing the top of my head.  
"I know," I sighed again.

It was pathetic really. Amongst humans, my lies came swiftly and passed undetected. With my family and especially with Jasper, they were so transparent; it was barely worth even trying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.  
"There is nothing to talk about, nothing that hasn't already been discussed a thousand times before. Besides, we are here. We should be having fun," I stated airily.

_Fun_… there was a strange word. I couldn't remember the last time I had had fun. That was a lie. I could. I could remember every second of enjoyment with my human sister and I missed every second of it.

Feeling my wave of depression, Jasper sent me his wave of love. In some ways it made me feel even worse; knowing that he could feel what I felt and knowing that this was a part of me that he could never really heal. He was my life and it felt wrong that there was a need that he was unable to fulfil.

I did not want him to feel guilty, worthless or useless and even though I could not read into _his _emotions, I could see that pang of remorse in his eyes. It was there every time he realised that all he could do when I lapsed into this state of self pity was to hold me and hope it would pass. It would, eventually. I blamed myself. I had allowed myself to get attached to Bella just as much as Edward had and this was the price I had to pay.

Summoning up some of my spare supply of happiness, I dragged it forth from the depths of my emergency store. I saved this energy for times such as these, when I needed that extra bit of help to look as though I were having a good time. Sometimes it even worked and I felt the beginnings of some small form of joy. Most of the time; I used it for moments such as these. I needed some way to show Jasper that I was not entirely broken. Craning my neck, I smiled up at him and his returning smile warmed my cold heart.

Turning our heads, we glanced at the goings on behind us. It was Spring Break and we were in Denali, visiting Tanya and her family. It was only Jasper and I, but we were welcomed and looked after as if we had always lived in this place. It was nice being here, being somewhere that held some happy memories - somewhere that felt like a home.

Rosalie and Emmett had decided to visit at a later date, when we would all be together. Carlisle and Esme had taken a few days vacation from their jobs to go on a hunting trip a long ways away. It was an arrangement that suited me. I was desperate to have Jasper all to myself, where we could lose ourselves in each other's company. It was upsetting how increasingly difficult it was to find any sense of peace when in the presence of the rest of our family. There were too many reminders, hidden feelings and such things that made relaxation impossible.

Lacing his fingers through my own, Jasper intended to lead us back into the general direction of the others. That was when it happened.

Every muscle in my body seized up and I went rigid. My sight took over my normal vision and a scene unfolded before me. It was Bella…she was walking to the edge of a cliff… it was raining…the sky above was thunderous…the water below dangerous…she curled her toes around the edge…there was no hesitation in her expression or body language…assuming a diving stance, she dove off the edge!

"NO!" I screamed, as my eyes regained their focus and my hands grabbed out before me, trying to catch the girl that wasn't there.

A deathly silence fell across the room, as all eyes fell on me. I didn't notice any of it. I only felt Jasper's hands grab my shoulders and lead me towards the front door.

"What happened?" Tanya's voice cried out, alarmed by my outburst.  
"Will you excuse us for a moment," Jasper mumbled apologetically, guiding me away as quickly as possible.

He stopped moving me when we were outside and the snow fell down upon us, covering us in a fine layer of white. Turning me to face him, he hunched down to look into my eyes.

"What did you see?! Is it Edward?" he demanded, his voice drowned in anxiety.  
"No…" I whispered, as my hands began to shake.

Grabbing them, he held them to his face and pleaded me with his eyes.

"Alice, who did you see?" he asked softly, kissing my shaking palm.  
"Bella…"I replied through clenched teeth. They were chattering so hard, it was becoming hard to talk.

Stiffening, a look of disapproval came into his eyes and he squeezed my hands gently and shook his head.

"I know this is hard for you, but you made him a promise Alice. You promised not to interfere. If you go to her for whatever it is, he will be furious with you."  
"It doesn't matter…" I stammered.  
"Of course it does, do you not care about how he will feel?" he argued.  
"It doesn't matter because she is going to commit suicide and I will be too late…"

My words were met with silence.

"Maybe she won't…" he replied, sounding unsure.  
"Of course she will! We left her devastated!" I shouted up at him. "We were wrong all along! He was wrong all along! We left her to save her and what difference did it make? We left her so utterly torn apart that she was unable to go on! This wasn't like the other visions! This wasn't a glimpse of some possibility! This was real! It just happened or it is just about to! She is going to be dead! I saw her jump off the cliff and… I can't just stay here," I said, starting to storm away towards the Mercedes.

Jasper grabbed my arm and turned me around. His eyes were hard and his jaw was set.

"If she is dead there is nothing you can do. You made a promise Alice. What difference can you possibly make?"  
"What about Charlie?!" I choked.  
"What about him?" he asked. My outburst had not ruffled him in the least.  
"He will be devastated and damn it, he was a good man. The least I can do is offer my condolences and offer him some comfort and help in any way that I can!" I stated angrily, twisting my arm out of his grip.

Folding his arms, he surveyed the determination in my eyes and took a retreating step back.

"This is wrong," he muttered.  
"I don't care"  
"He will go ballistic," he reminded me. _As if I didn't know!  
_"I don't care! He is in South America, moping and mourning and fighting his own battles. He will never know that I left. I owe him this much. I owe her this much."

My words were processed and though he did not agree with a single word, he knew that I would not be budged. He exhaled sharply and ran his hands through his hair.

"What about the others?" he asked, without looking at me.  
"I think it would be best if, for now, they remained in the dark. Carlisle would never approve. If you must tell anyone, tell Emmett. I will tell the others in my own time"  
"I am not happy with this," he reminded me.  
"I know," I reminded him.

We exchanged a long, pained look, before I ran into his embrace and hugged him fiercely. He held me back and kissed me once on the lips, holding my face between his hands.

He sighed heavily. "Will you be all right?"  
"I think so," I sniffled. "I have to be."  
"Then go and do what you have to do," he whispered in my ear, before reluctantly letting me go.  
"Tell Tanya that I am sorry," I said, swiftly kissing him on the cheek and then flitting towards the car.

Once behind the wheel, I raced away at full speed towards the one place I was forbidden to go, to comfort Charlie, in his time of mourning the best friend I had ever had.

_5/Jasper  
_

_  
_My hand reached for my phone. Before I could return to Tanya and the others, there was a phone call I needed to make; just the one. I hit the speed dial and the phone barely rang, when Emmett's voice greeted me at the other end.

_  
_"Jasper?" he asked warily. I _never _called.  
"Hello Emmett. I am afraid that I have some…unpleasant news"

I could hear him tense on the other end of the line.

"Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff," I spoke the words gravely.  
"No!" Emmett gasped.  
"She is certain…she is also on her way."

For a moment, there was silence. That was not entirely true; I could hear the snap as his teeth came together. My guess was that he was thinking what I was thinking.

"_Does… does Edward _know?" Emmett spoke the words through his teeth.  
"No and Alice specifically asked that we keep this information to ourselves until the time is right."  
"Then he doesn't know that she is on her way back," he asked.  
"No, he doesn't," I clarified, unable to keep the disapproval from my voice.  
"Damn it, if he finds out, it will be her hide!" Emmett complained.

There was static for a while and then, exhaling sharply, he groaned. It sounded as though he slapped his hand against his forehead.

"Oh Bella…damn it, why?" he growled. "This is terrible."  
"I know," I agreed. It _was_.  
"I _liked _that girl," he mumbled.  
"We all did," I sighed.  
"I don't believe it…I never thought…" his voice trailed. "Oh who am I trying to fool? She was _just_ the type. She loved him more than life itself and now someone has to break it to him…"  
"Give Alice some time to do what she must and then we can decide the right course of action."  
"I'm worried about him…a part of me wonders if he should know…."he said carefully, as he pondered our brother's reaction to the news.  
"We should wait for Alice, either way; he has a right to know…just _not _yet."  
"You're right…Lord knows I don't want to be the one to tell him."  
"If we could bring him back somehow, maybe that would be the best time to break it to him?" I suggested.  
"Maybe…this is bad", he said in the softest voice that I had ever heard him use.  
"I know," I agreed, again.

The silence dragged on longer this time, before I heard something smash. I didn't ask what it was and he didn't tell me.

"Maybe you should come back…now."  
"I think I should," I said, glancing back at the house and realising that it had no place for me without Alice in it. "I will catch the first flight I can."  
"Alright," he breathed.  
"I'll see you when I get there."  
"See you," he replied glumly and then cut the call.

Heading back to the house, I trudged slowly through the thick snow and thought of a valid excuse to explain our emergency exit. Whilst I made my plans, I silently grieved for the girl that we had tried to save and hadn't.

_6/Emmett  
_

_  
_When the phone slipped from my fingers and bounced across the floor, I leant back with my head against the wall, rubbing my hands across my face in frustration, loss and aggravation. It had all been for absolutely _nothing_. We had suffered for nothing, moved for nothing, distracted ourselves for nothing and Edward had left us for nothing. That was all that was now left behind…_nothing_.

I pictured her happy face and the way that she was around us, the way that she was around _him_. She was a part of our family and regardless of the monsters that we were, she saw _us_ as _her _family. Edward was the centre of her universe and we left. We left her to her end. Could this have possibly ended any more tragically? I didn't think the situation was capable of getting any worse!

The passing time had never made me forget my brother; he was always on my mind. I missed him so much that even the months spent in Europe did nothing to ease my worry. Rosalie and I did our best to enjoy the time that we had, but it was no use. She was quick to grow angry with me when she saw that her efforts were not enough to pull me out of my gloom and when we returned, she gave up. I didn't blame her.

Noticing her for the first time by the door, I tensed. How long had she been standing there? I thought she had been outside by the car. I eyed her suspiciously and she stared back with a wide-eyed innocence that confirmed what I needed to know. I frowned, sensing the first signs of excitement dancing behind her eyes. It was not a look that filled me with confidence.

"Rosalie," I warned in a low voice.  
"Yes?" she asked politely, her stance a little too casual.

I moved away from the wall and towered over her, glaring down menacingly, reading her intentions in her suddenly serene face.

"Don't"  
"Don't what?" she asked, puzzled.  
"You know what. We can't…not until Alice returns."  
"And I suppose Alice knows what is best for our brother?" she asked coolly.  
"It is not your place to tell him," I growled.  
"Then whose place is it?" she demanded.  
"Someone who understands the meaning of the word tact!" I snorted.

She did not reply, only turned on the spot, swished her hair over her shoulders and marched straight out of the front door. I followed closely behind, shadowing her every step. Hissing, she turned on me and bared her teeth. I grinned condescendingly - I would play this game for as long as I had to.

Composing herself, she bit down on her lips and pouted a little. I relaxed, as I took in the slump of her shoulders and the defeated look on her face.

"Fine," she grumbled. "I will do what's best for our brother."  
"Good." I said, pleased.

I still refused to move. Seeing that, she rolled her eyes and walked to the side of her car, lowering herself to the ground. Glancing at me over her shoulder, she cleared her throat loudly.

"If you intend to follow me around all day, could you at least do something useful and hold the car up for me?" she requested, sounding thoroughly bored.  
"Certainly," I smiled and lifted the car with one hand.

Smiling, she disappeared underneath her vehicle. At least she was behaving herself…so far.

_7/Rosalie  
_

With my upper body hidden from view and only my long legs to distract him, he was unable to see me smile. So…Bella was dead. I was not such a beast that I could not see how that would upset my family, but once Edward found out, he would be able to get over her once and for all.

After all, I promised that I would do what was best for my brother… I never said that I wouldn't tell him the news myself. The sooner he found out, the better. These passing months had been nothing but one long, miserable and boring form of hell.

I would wait for when the time was right and then I would put an end to this business once and for all.

_8/Edward  
_

_  
_The trail I had followed was gone. It was dark when I stood at the water's edge, where Victoria's scent had disappeared. She had obviously known that I had been following her and now, she was well and truly rid of me.

I had successfully followed her for a while, but I was always several, long steps behind. New to tracking, I was slow and spent too long examining evidence of her passing through an area and as a result, she was always out of reach, always ahead of me and now, she was gone.

What a pathetic waste of several months! I had followed her, without sparing the various locations any thought, as if she were the only thing that mattered. I followed her down to Texas and now, on the coast of South America, the game was over. She had won and my distraction was no more.

Sitting down on the beach, I scooping up two handfuls of sand and watched as the grains slipped through my fingers. Like an hourglass, I could feel my time running out. Soon, I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore; the pain, the suffering, the ache, the missing her every second of every day. I couldn't handle it. The perfect image that existed in my memory was beginning to smudge around the edges and that, I simply could not allow.

I needed to see her again. I needed to hear her voice, feel her touch, tell her that I love her, erasing all memory of the past few months and claim her once again as my own. I needed to hear her say that she still loved me. How terribly selfish was I that even though I left her, a part of me hoped that her love for me would never die; but I did. I wanted her, I needed her and I could not carry on this way.

_  
No_, I couldn't go back to her…  
…but what if I _could_?

Could I not just watch her from a distance? Would that be enough? What a stupid question! Of _course_ it wouldn't be enough. I would see her angelic face and catch her heavenly scent on the wind and then, I would be before her in a heartbeat. Falling to my knees, I would beg for her to take me back, to forgive me and to say that she wanted me to stay with her for as long as she lived. It was all that I ever wanted.

What was I going to do? Was I really considering turning my back on all that I had done to keep her safe? If I went back, could I still keep her safe? Was it worth the risk?

Maybe it _was_…maybe _that_ was what love was all about. Was that the true sacrifice behind the concept of love; to see things through until the end, no matter what the cost?

Rising unsteadily to my feet, I allowed the momentary feeling of giddiness to overwhelm me. What if I decided to go back? I could be there in a matter of days! My skin tingled at the thought of a possible reunion; a chance to claim it all back.

Inhaling deeply, I told myself to think it through…just in case. A genuine smile slowly spread across my lips as I realised that any other decision was unacceptable. It was too late now; I had given in to myself. All I had left to do now was find a place to hide from the coming sun and then, at the coming of nightfall, I would race back to my love. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I felt the other part of me rejoice. I was going home. I was going back to my Bella.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Wrong Decisions  
**

**  
**_1/Alice  
_

_  
_Perched on the edge of the couch, I stroked her hair as she slept and watched, as her drawn face softened under my touch. Bella looked awful… simply _awful_. And _we_ had been the ones that had done this to her. Leaving her had proven to be a grave mistake. For all the good it had done, we may as well have thrown her off the cliff ourselves. She had told me that her jump had been for recreational purposes! Even though her tone had been sincere, I was still doubtful about the whole event. Even if she had only meant it for fun, I did not think for a second, that she would have minded if she had actually died.

She looked so worn, dishevelled and lifeless. It was a terrible thing to endure - sitting there and looking down at the result of our handiwork. I knew I should have left the moment that I saw that she was alive and well, but how could I? Seeing what we had done… and knowing what I was about to do again.

I should have known that coming here was a big mistake, but as usual, my personal feelings interfered with what was right and what was wrong. And now, here I was, making things worse all over again. Words could not express the look in her eyes, when she first saw me standing there, waiting. It was as though she had seen someone who had died and the relief, the way in which she now clung to me, as if I may just disappear, clawed at my heart. For how could I possibly stay here?

Bella was alive and although she was not well, if Edward discovered what I had done, he would go completely and utterly insane and the world would not be a big enough place for me to hide. But even accounting for all the punishment that was to come, how could I leave her this way… my sister… my best friend… in her time of need? In a time where she was lonely, in danger and of all the impossible things, best friends with a young werewolf!

After the previous mornings talk with Charlie, I knew that I could not stay…not for long… but maybe just for long enough? How long was that? Not long at all. I hadn't phoned anyone, like I said I would have. It was a terrible time for me to be selfish, especially when my presence was doing her more harm than good. But I wanted to share her company once more, if only for a short while. She must have known that this could only be a temporary arrangement. Surely I didn't need to explain that to her? I didn't. I could see it in her sleeping face. Regardless of the peace that surrounded her, which came hand in hand with my presence, lines of worry already began to crease her brow. Even as she slept, her subconscious reminded her that I would not be here for long, to take away her pain.

Sighing in endless frustration, I heard the sound of Charlie waking somewhere up above and hunkered down beside his daughter. This would be my second day in her company. I would give her a few more days and then, I would have to leave. As Charlie descended the stairs, Bella stirred and we both watched as her father left the house.

Turning to face me, she gave me a tired, sleepy smile, but here eyes were filled with relief - a relief that I was still there. Smiling back, I hide the grief that I felt towards her dependence on us and decided to make the most of what little time we had left. There were still things to consider…Victoria being one of them…Werewolves being the other.

Eventually I would have to phone the others…just not _him_. _He_ could _never_ know that I had got involved… but someone needed to know about _Victoria_. The others would want to help. Carlisle would certainly need to be informed. But first, I would have my few days…_then _I would call. For I knew that from the moment I informed them of her safety, I would be summoned home immediately and there would be room for no argument.

_Home…  
_

The thought brought a lump to my throat and an ache to my still chest. Glancing around the house and breathing in all the smells that seeped in from my surroundings, I felt that I never wanted to leave. This town _was_ my home…

At the first sign of Charlie's cruiser roaring to life, Bella sat up and hugged my fiercely. Hugging her briefly in return, I swiftly kissed her on the cheek and let her attend to her human needs. How I missed these little things. Smiling whilst I could, I busied myself as I awaited her return.

_2/Edward  
_

_  
_When the sun finally began to set, it was time. Still feeling delightfully light headed; I ambled to my car and began my journey back. Under the blanket of night, I drove at a steady pace - much slower than I normally would have, but still faster than the average human. The drive was too enjoyable - I wanted to draw out the anticipation and immerse myself in thoughts of happiness. It had been so long since I had felt anything remotely close, it was as though slowly, I was coming back to life. Relishing the moment, I rolled down the windows, let the wind tousle my hair and let my concerns melt away.

Listening to every CD that was at my disposal, I worked through my collection. Singing along to every song, a grin spread across my face, from ear to ear, as months of depression and despair melted away from me. It was a glorious feeling and one that lasted for hours and hours.

At the rising of the sun, I continued to smile, thankful for my newly tinted windows. It had been a necessity in my hunt for Victoria. During sunny days, it provided me with cover and a means to enter areas, where I was not free to wander out in the open.

Gradually though, my smile began to slip down a notch, as my brain kicked itself into gear. It couldn't have possibly waited another several hours. Oh no, my ridiculous, analytical nature simply _had _to take over and ruin the moment.

At the sight of Rio de Janeiro airport, I slowed the car and skidded to a stop at the side of the road, under the cover of some trees… and did absolutely _nothing_. I merely sat there, moving my gaze from the airport to the road ahead and then finally, allowed my eyes to drift out of focus, as the inevitable paranoia began to gnaw at my insides.

Yes, _I_ had decided that _I_ wanted to go back to _her_…

…But what if _she_ no longer wanted _me_?

I remembered her face in the forest, her reactions; the way the life in her eyes had died at my words and most of all… how she had _believed_.

She _believed _me…

How long had I been gone from her life now? Almost six months? In human terms, that was a _long_ time… enough to move on. Did I honestly hope that she had been sitting there all this time, sulking and mourning me? Maybe going to her window every night, to check that I wasn't there, waiting to be let inside? Glancing over at our table in the cafeteria, as if I would be there to ask her to come and sit with me? Waiting outside at the end of every class, for the boyfriend that would never return? Only the lowest part of me secretly wished that I would always have a place in her heart - that a part of her would always miss me, even if only just a little.

I needed to consider possibilities that set my teeth on edge. Accepting these possibilities; saw the return of the familiar frown, which I had been wearing now for so long. What if she had found someone new? What would I do?

Would I simply return and expect her to give it all up for me? Of course not. Could I handle seeing her with someone else? My taut lips and flaring nostrils were answer enough. If that were the case, I would watch her for a while. It would be _torture_, but it would be better than nothing. And then, if she seemed happy…_then _I would leave. Who was I to interfere with her happiness?

But… what if she _didn't_ look happy? Would I make my presence known once more and try to reclaim my place? Yes…and I would do anything to win her back. I wanted her and needed her so much; the intensity of the feeling was more powerful than the most intense of our "_thirst_". Once, blood had been the one thing that I wanted most in this life…now there was only _her_. Everything else seemed insignificant. I could not survive without at least _seeing _her…even if only to taunt myself and my senses, with that which I could never truly have.

My fear of rejection was strong - strong and understandable. I had hurt her incredibly…why would she ever _want_ me back? Never mind what Jasper had done…maybe after _my _actions, she now considered _me_ a monster. Actions that had all been a _lie_…

Running my hands through my hair I glanced at the airport and exhaled sharply through my nose. I would accept whatever punishment awaited me and in the meantime, I would pray that by some miracle…she would be _waiting_, untouched by my disappearance… and still be _mine_…I already knew it was a fool's hope.

There would be a price to pay for what I had done…I just didn't know what it would be and thoughts of the unknown were becoming unbearable. There was no way that I could prolong my wait any longer. After ditching the car, I would buy the first ticket to Seattle and from there…hope that when she saw me, she would have her arms open wide. _Selfish_, as _always_… But how I _hoped_!

_3/Jasper  
_

_  
_Piles of books surrounded me. Various ones were opened at supposedly relevant pages. My hand hovered over a piece of lined paper with my pen at the ready. So far, after the several hours sat like this, the only two words that I had written consisted of my name. My mind was on the phone that lay on the coffee table by my side. And no matter how desperate the urge, I would not allow myself to reach for it.

A large hand began to creep across the gap between the sofa and the table. I sensed the action before I even saw it. His hand hadn't even moved an inch, before I thwarted his plan of action.

Turning my head slightly to the side, my eyes locked onto the outstretched fingers. "Leave it."

My tone was not severe, nor angry. It was soft, but commanding. If our roles had been reversed, I would have respected his wishes. I expected him to apply the same courtesy to me. Emmett grumbled and sat himself up.

For the past countless hours, he had assumed his position sprawled out on the sofa, hands linked behind his head and glaring up at the ceiling. It did not escape my attention that every few seconds, his eyes darted to the side - watching his wife.

Whilst the rest of us sat, waiting for the first buzz of the phone, Rosalie sat in the armchair by the window, with her legs curled beneath her. A paperback novel was lazily held in one hand, the other played with a strand of her hair and there was a twitching smile on her lips. Somehow, I sincerely doubted that the trashy looking book was the cause of her good humour.

Tired of even attempting my studies, I stood myself up and headed for the kitchen. I took the phone with me and by the time I leaned myself against the counter, Emmett was standing opposite me, great arms folded and Rosalie hovered by the door, still holding her book, still smiling to herself.

She reminded me of a dog on a leash. No doubt she was under strict orders to stay in Emmett's sight, until told otherwise. I would have found the arrangement amusing, if I could not already guess the reasons behind such an action.

"You are not the _only_ one with a phone, brother," Emmett warned me, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his own, waving it in the air before me.

I frowned. "You can't."  
"Of course I can!" he snapped back at me, hours of impatience taking its toll. "How long has she been gone? How long does it take to phone us? To let us know what is happening? To let us know what we should do?"

He was right, but that was not the reason for my reluctance to call.

"She needs time," I stated quietly.  
Emmett sighed and some of the hardness melted away from his face. "I know she does..."  
"She will call when she is ready," I assured him with an air or promise.

_When she is ready... _My own words echoed in the back of my head. When would that be? I didn't like to think about it…

Gently prizing the phone from his hand, I dropped it back into his shirt pocket and he pulled a disgruntled face.

"It's just…I _hate_ waiting," he complained. "There is too much left to decide - too many people to tell and I want to get it over with!" he almost shouted, gripping the side of the counter too hard.

There was no use arguing with him. There _was _too much to do and even though I wished to give Alice all the time that she needed to grieve, there were others to consider. She knew it too. I needed to show respect on all sides. Taking a moment to think, I shook my hair from my eyes and pressed my lips together hard.

Finally, I nodded to myself. "Tomorrow… I will phone her _tomorrow_. We should give her one more day."  
"Just _one_," Emmett nodded in assent.  
"Then… we _talk_," I stated grimly  
"We _talk_," he agreed stonily.

And then, regardless of our decision, we both returned to simply standing around and hoping that we would not have to wait that long.

_4/Rosalie  
_

_  
_Standing in the kitchen, listening to the boys argue over who should call my sister, I made my decision. Emmett had been keeping an irritatingly close eye on me and now, he was momentarily distracted…_now_ was my chance. As they spoke, I flitted soundlessly from the room, outside the house and down the long drive. I would only have a few minutes, but it would be enough.

They couldn't wait to get the whole ordeal over and done with and they couldn't decide who would be the one to tell my brother. Well, _I_ was about to make thins a whole lot easier for them.

Hitting the speed dial, I brought the phone to my ear and waited for Edward to pick up. With nervous excitement, I glanced back at the house, half expecting the others to materialise behind me and slap the phone from my hand. They didn't. I had time. If I was quick enough, they might not even realise that I had ever left.

As my brother's voice answered, my gut wrenched. That was odd. This was what I wanted to do, for his own good; for the good of everyone… so why on earth was I suddenly nervous? Without further hesitation, I spoke.

_5/Edward  
_

_  
_As I worked my way up the line to the desk, excitement took hold of me once more. My emotions were running wild - I was feeling so many things at once. I wondered if this was how Jasper felt on a daily basis. At that particular moment though, it was not entirely unpleasant. Having worked past the worry and doubt, my mind was allowing me a brief reprieve, in the form of joy and happiness once more.

The line was moving faster now. There were only two people before me. Then there was one. I was busy imagining what it would be like to lie in the bed of my love once more and watch her sleep, when an unfamiliar sound reached my ears. It was not really unfamiliar; it was just old. A sound I hadn't heard for a while. It took me a moment to realise that it was coming from me.

Removing my phone from my pocket, I checked the caller ID Of all people it was _Rosalie_. That was strange in itself. She never called…_ever_. They had all given up after a while, but she had never even tried in the first place. Not that I would have picked up anyway, but why on earth was she calling me now? I sincerely doubted that it was to apologise. My sister was above such things…well…for the most part. I suppose that it _had _been known to happen on occasion…very _rare_ occasions.

Did it matter what she wanted? I had nothing to say to her anyway. It was almost my turn to be served and hopefully, soon, I would be on a plane, where my phone would need to be switched off. My finger went for the cancel button and then hit the answer button instead. The action was uncontrollable; I was too intrigued.

"What?" I asked.

Despite my suddenly buoyant mood, I was in no mood to be polite to her.

"Edward, come home." The words came out in a rush and her voice was oddly urgent.

There was a hint of anger in her tone and also…_worry_? Maybe I was just imagining that.

I liked it. There was no "How are you?" "I've missed you!" or "When are you coming home?" It was just a direct order. Funnily, I found some comfort in Rosalie's bluntness. There was no wasting time with pleasantries. My sister may have been a monster at times, but she always got straight to the point.

Sometimes, it was a relief to return her manner and know that no offence was being taken. I was a firm believer in good manners, but at times, it could be a chore. This exchange of rudeness was shamefully satisfying.

"I am not ready," I replied offhandedly, as I watched the person before me pass their credit card across the desk to the smiling clerk.

I could have told her what I was doing, but I didn't want to tell the others, not yet. Not until I found out what awaited me. Until then, there was no need for them to know.

From the other end of the line, I heard the sound of passing traffic. She was outside somewhere. It didn't sound like anyone else was with her. Maybe she did not want to upset Emmett?

"_She's dead. Come home_," she hissed hurriedly, desperately.

Her words hit me like a punch in the stomach, but stronger. My posture, that had been relaxed, turned rigid, as my mind filled with images that I did not want to see.

"_Who _is dead? _Who_?" I demanded, feeling my limbs begin to tremble.

_Oh God… Oh God, Oh God! Was it Alice? Was it Esme? _And I had been away…

I had been away all this time and I had left them feeling unimportant, unloved and… _Oh God_. My fingers threatened to crush the phone - the only means I had to find out which of my family had been killed. _Killed_…for there was no other way it could have happened.

"_Bella_. Bella is _dead_. She jumped off a cliff. Alice saw it and she is there now, with Charlie. So there is no reason for you to be off somewhere sulking. Come back, the others need you," she insisted.

Isn't it curious how time seems to stand still and everything seems to slow down at the sound of your life and your heart breaking apart?

Ending the call with the touch of a button, the person before me moved along, and there was a space between myself, and the desk. I moved to fill it. The woman that greeted me smiled invitingly and mechanically, I took a step forward and smiled back. However, after her warm welcome, I only held my frozen, unnatural smile and brought the phone to my ear once more.

I dialled the numbers without looking, as easily as if I had rang the number minutes before, instead of months and months ago. Rosalie's words couldn't be true. I couldn't allow them to be true. So why was I phoning the house? To hear her voice? To hear the truth for myself? Why on earth would I believe my sister?

Because in the deepest, darkest pit of my heart, I wondered if this was what I _deserved_…

The clerk's smile began to falter, as she saw that I made no attempt to do anything but stand there- holding up the ever-building queue. Raising a polite finger, I smiled a little more encouragingly. _Everything would be fine… _I was trying to convince the both of us. The clerk smiled back. People grumbled behind me. The phone rang a few times and then, someone picked up. I didn't recognise the voice and yet it sounded familiar. It was low and husky.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I imitated my father's voice perfectly. "May I please speak with Chief Swan?"

The voice informed me that he was at the funeral. I cut the call and let the phone hang limply from my hand. I felt numb.

A cold so intense passed through me, starting from my head and moving down to my toes and as it passed, it sucked away every spark of life, every ounce of hope and took it away…my reason to exist.

Rosalie had been _right_…

…And so had _I_.

This _was_ what I deserved… and not what my Bella had deserved at all… and I had done this to her…to the _both_ of us.

There was also a sick sense of relief…it was _over_…

…_Everything _was _over_.

Now, it could all _end_…

I would soon join her - or least _pray _that I could - in a place, where _nothing_ would ever tear us apart again.

Carlisle's theory of an afterlife for our kind still seemed like something beyond any of our reach, _especially_ for me… but if there was ever a time to wish it were true, it was _now_.

There was no question as to what I was going to do. My decision had been made a _long_ time ago. All I had to do was say the words. I asked the clerk for the first ticket to Italy. I was in luck. There was a flight leaving in twenty minutes and there was _one _seat left and most conveniently, it was a direct flight.

After paying for my ticket, I raced outside and threw my phone into the nearest trashcan. It wasn't as though I would need it ever again. I didn't think to phone the others. I didn't think at all. My heart and head only had room for one last act. Reaching the terminal in record time, I sat and allowed myself to think of nothing but _her_. From now on, that was _all_ I would do, until the moment that the Volturi granted my wish for death.

_6/Emmett  
_

_  
_The second that Jasper and I had agreed to wait a day, my eyes flickered to the doorway. In my anger and frustration, I had forgotten Rosalie. She was not there. I staggered forward, shot my brother an exasperated look and then turned to storm after her - but there was no need. Suddenly, she was there, that ridiculous book _still_ in her hand and the same silly smile on her face.

"Where did you go Rose?" I asked, advancing on her.

Jasper remained where he was, deciding to stay out of it entirely.

"Nowhere," she replied breezily, without looking up from her book.

I was about to press her for details, when a phone began to ring. Both Jasper and I delved into our pockets and retrieved our phones, but it was Rosalie who frowned down at hers and answered the call.

"_Alice? _It's about _time_," she stated petulantly.

In less than a second, we were stood, towering above her. Leaning against the doorframe, she paid us no heed, despite our shadows that fell across her face. Listening intently, we heard Alice's words and Rosalie's replies, which started off sounding utterly uncaring and then slowly…changed.

"No you _can't_…Carlisle and Esme aren't here. They will be another few days. Why?…Have I heard from Edward?" - A quick glance up at our faces and a smug expression crossed her face. "As a matter of fact, I _have_. I have _just_ spoken to him."

I stepped closer, so close that she pressed herself against the wooden frame, but continued to ignore my face and avoided Jasper's probing eyes. She had spoken to him?! _Damn_ her, of _course _she had! I wanted to jump in and start with the yelling, but we _all_ needed to hear what Alice had to say.

Dealing with Rosalie could wait for a few minutes at least. I found myself wishing that my brother would use his talent; the urge to pick my wife up and shake her until she talked was too great; no matter how beautiful, angelic and incredible she appeared to me.

She laughed a tinkling laugh, which sent shivers down my spine- and _not_ of the good kind. "I told him what happened, of course," she continued pleasantly, as if she were discussing the weather. "Yes, I told him what you saw. I told him the girl had thrown herself off the cliff and then I told him to come home. I did it be-"

She stopped, frowned and then shrugged nonchalantly, for the benefit of the listener that was not there. As she continued to speak, I listened to her words with a growing horror. I simply could not believe what she was saying. Even Jasper turned to fix me with wide, incredulous eyes.

"So, she _isn't _dead! Does it _matter_?" she asked callously. "Maybe _believing_ it will do the fool some _good_. If it brings him back here, then everyone will be-"

This time, her expression changed and so did ours. One by one, our eyes met and anger was replaced by fear, until the only pair that looked scared, belonged to my wife.

Her voice dropped to the lowest whisper. "_No! _Oh _no_…." she cupped her free hand to her face, her skin paling further and fast. "I…I _didn't_…I mean…I _wouldn't _have said anything if…_No_…_I_…Alice, are you _certain_?"

I was beside myself with rage. Jasper fixed her with a steely stare, and extended his hand to take the phone. It was too late, Alice cut the call and we all stood, listening to the dead line for an endless minute, before Rosalie's lips began to tremble. Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her until her head jerked back and she was forced to look at me.

"_Why?_" I shouted in her face.  
"I… I thought that I was making things better," she said in a choked voice.  
"Better for _who_?" Jasper asked, his voice low and acidic.

Struggling for words, she reached for me. Pushing her away, I recoiled from her touch.

"For _all_ of us! I thought-" she began.  
"_No_, that's the problem _Rosalie_. You _didn't_ think!" I growled, turning my back on her and taking out my phone.  
"What are you _doing_?" she asked desperately.  
"What do you _think _I am doing? I am calling _Carlisle_!"  
Running to my side, she tried to take the phone from my hands and cast her eyes to Jasper. "Maybe she was _wrong_? She was wrong about Bella _dying_. _Maybe_ she was wrong about Edward-"  
"She _wasn't _wrong," Jasper muttered darkly.  
"What?" Rosalie frowned.  
"She wasn't _wrong,_" he said again. "She saw Bella _jump_ off a cliff. She just _assumed_ that she had died. It didn't change that fact that what she saw actually _happened_."  
"Well then, maybe he is only _visiting _Italy…" she suggested pathetically.

The both of us stopped and stared down at her with a mingled look of both pity and disgust. Jasper laughed mirthlessly and I took her face in my hands. The gesture may have appeared romantic, if it wasn't for the murderous look in my eyes. When I had her full attention, I spoke, and as they words flowed, the light in her eyes dulled.

"Rosalie…I want you to _listen _to me and I want you to listen to me _very_ carefully, because you need to understand what you have just _done_. In your quest to be the most unbearably _selfish_ being on the planet, you have single-handedly _killed_ your brother.

_That_ girl was Edward's _life_, and you told him that his one reason to live has ceased to _exist_. You acted _without _the consent of others, you acted in the best interest of _yourself, _and you acted without _any_ thought, as to how your decision would affect _him_.

If you think that he is _ever _coming home _again_, and are actually _stupid_ enough to even _consider_ that he may be taking a _holiday_, then you don't know Edward at _all_. If he's going to Italy, it's for _one_ thing and we _all_ know what that is. He is going there to _die_, and unless someone does _something,_ and does it _fast_, he is going to _succeed_.

So, bearing _that_ in mind, if you'd kindly like to _refrain _from ruining his life any further, I should _very_ much like to try and save my brother from trying to kill himself.

There will be _no_ more stupid, spur of the moment independent decisions, which only make things worse. We are _all _going to talk, and discuss how the _hell_ we are going to bring him back, and preferably, bring him back _alive_.

Is that all right by you Rose? Can I make the phone call, or would you care to do any _more _damage?"

By the time I was done, my wife was shaking like a leaf, but I couldn't find a part of me that cared. Even Jasper moved himself away from her, stood by my side and nodded at the phone, inviting me to make the call.

Flipping it open, I dialled Carlisle's number and exchanged an agonised look with my brother. From behind us, all I could hear was Rosalie mumbling pathetically. Just the two words. "_I'm sorry_," over and over again. We ignored her. _Edward _was all that mattered now.

_7/Carlisle_

Emerging from the bathroom in only a towel wrapped around my waist, I headed towards the open balcony. It was an overcast day and Esme stood, eyes closed, letting the breeze send her soft, loose curly hair bouncing back and forth. I approached her from behind, wrapped my arms around her middle and gently pressing my lips to the side of her neck.

Smiling, she tilted her head upwards and to the side, so that her lips could briefly meet mine. It was a soft, sweet and very brief kiss, but it was the smile that warmed me on the inside. It had been too long, since I had last seen a genuine smile spread across her face. It would never be the perfect smile from months before, but this was better than nothing. Better than the mockery of a smile, that she wore around the house.

The holiday arrangement had been made to benefit us all. The house was a cold and unfeeling place; a place where everyone existed to pretend that everything was fine, when really…it _wasn't_. How _could_ it be?

Alice and Jasper needed their time alone. Too long they spent apart from one another, and this provided an opportunity for them to be together, away from the rest of us. Emmett and Rosalie were close to becoming a disaster - my son was stubbornly bored, waiting for Edward's return, and his wife was sick of having to stomach his longing expression.

She did not say it, but it was there- clear in her every sly look, in her clipped voice at times and in her actions. They needed some time alone to talk, to sort things out. I hoped that somehow, Rosalie would be able to convince her husband to put his efforts into his new life. It hurt me to think how long he would patiently wait, for something that may never come to pass.

And most of all, I wanted to take my wife away from it all. It was only a few days, but I could see that she was close to breaking point. She fought so hard to try and be as strong as I, and I loved her for following the example that I sought to set. But it didn't change the fact that the house and the people in it only reminded her of the one that was _gone_.

Already, after a day in this new place, after feeding well, and after spending some quality time alone, just her and myself, she seemed happier…more at ease. I didn't want the moment to end, but I didn't want our family to fall apart at the seams. I needed to believe that things would work out. We all did.

We were still standing this way, lost in a comfortable silence, when my phone began to ring. With a brief kiss to her temple, I left her side and went to the bedside table to answer the call.

_8/Esme  
_

_  
_It was nice here, being away. The hotel room was large and comfortable. The surrounding hunting areas provided good sport. We were having a nice time. Nice, but not perfect. Things would never be perfect, _not_ until…

I didn't think it. I inhaled the fresh air needlessly, picking up the strange new scents, and enjoyed the company of my husband. I had to allow myself this much, or I would lose my mind. Tired from months of fighting to look relaxed and happy, it was nice not to have to pretend, and to find that for the moment, I actually _was_.

"_Happy_" was an overstatement. "_Relaxed_" was probably pushing things too far…but for the most part, I was _content_.

The phone rang. Carlisle picked it up and I only half listened. But then, as certain words became clear, and the tone of the caller became more pronounced, I was gripping hold of the balcony so hard, that the metal groaned.

I could hear the words…but in my blind panic and disbelief, they sounded disjointed and distorted. Only a few burst through the shield, that shot up to protect my mind from what I was hearing. Words like "Edward", "Bella", "Cliff", "Alice", "Italy" and "Die."

My head was spinning, when Carlisle grabbed my arm and met my eyes. What I saw there caused a whimper to pass my lips.

He held me at arm's length. His face was lined with worry, and his expression frightened me. "_Esme_…"  
"I…I… _know_…" I answered, my voice shaking almost as much as I was.

Nodding, we did all that we could. We left and headed straight home. Neither of us said a word. I could only sit, staring blankly ahead, wondering where my son was now, and hoping against hope that there was something that could be done. There _had _to be something.

With my chest heaving and sobbing, long, dry sobs; I reached for Carlisle's hand and squeezed hard. He squeezed it back, and then slammed his foot down hard, on the accelerator of the rented car. Now, it was a race against time.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Saving Edward

**Chapter 7 Saving Edward  
**

**  
**_1/Emmett  
_

_  
_"We can't just _stand _here and wait for the others!" I fumed.  
"What do you propose we do?" Jasper replied calmly. 

Some of his calm was trying to find me. I felt it smothering me like a warm blanket, but I shrugged it aside and stepped away from him. 

With hard eyes, I protested vehemently. "I _don't_ want to be calm. I want to _do_ something!"  
"_What_?" he repeated, a desperate edge creeping into his voice. 

We were all feeling it. It may have been for different reasons, but we were all feeling useless and trapped. We _needed _to get out of this place and make a difference. Carlisle and Esme would not make it here in less than a day, and waiting seemed out of the question and yet… it was all we _had_. 

Not knowing what was happening didn't help matters at _all_. Jasper had tried to phone Alice, but her phone had been switched off, and this gave us all a reason to worry. It either meant that something incredibly bad had happened… either that, or she was about to do something incredibly _stupid_. 

This couldn't go on. We were all in a blind state of worry. There was no need for a coin toss or any form of argument. If someone was going to go off and do something, it would be me. Jasper's talents would be needed to make everyone else stay put and keep them safe. 

I did not care about his worries for his love. I would not let anyone or anything touch _any_ of my family, and anyone who _tried_ would get their limbs torn from them, one by one. 

I plunged my hands into my pocket and pulled out the key to my vehicle. 

"I'm _going_," I announced. 

To my surprise, Jasper only nodded. 

"And _you_ are coming with me," I stated, throwing my wife a meaningful glance.

If anyone was going to help me get Edward out of this mess, it was going to be _her_. 

"Of course…" she mumbled timidly. 

Grabbing her arm, we flitted upstairs. Rummaging around, I packed a few items that would be useful for our journey, especially if we ran into any trouble. Then we made it to the Jeep. 

Slipping the key into the ignition, I turned the key and the engine roared to life. Giving Rosalie an oblique look, I saw that her face was determined, and her eyes shone with something, that both made me proud and also set my heart racing. 

Her upper lip was turned upwards, the start of a snarl, and the look she wore was predatory, territorial and would strike fear in the hearts of _any_ in her way. Never had I seen her look more dangerous or wonderful. Her behaviour may have led to all this, but now, she would do anything to get her brother back, and _that _was all that I could ever ask for. 

Reaching out a tender hand, I stroked her face. For a moment, her features softened and she closed her eyes. The second my hand dropped away, we both glared ahead, our expressions ferocious. 

My foot was just about ready to come down on the gas pedal, when Jasper was at the window, banging hard against the glass - phone in his hand. I swore, killed the engine, and rolled down the electric window. 

"_What_?" I growled impatiently.  
"You can't go. Neither of you," he said, leaning inside the window. 

I couldn't go and save my brother? Ridiculous. Ignoring his words, I began to roll up the window, in a vain hope that he would leap backwards and we would be out of sight, before he could do anything stupid… like jump in front of the Jeep. 

He didn't move. The window tried to move upwards and I listened in horror, as the mechanisms broke down. Curse him; I _loved _my means of transport. 

"Jasper, you'd _better _have a _damn_ good reason for this," I stated, leaning forward threateningly, until our faces were inches apart. 

He didn't flinch. I didn't really expect him to. Being ex- militia and all, there wasn't much that scared him. 

His expression was stern. "Alice called."  
"_And_…?" I asked acidly.  
"She's already on her way," he replied.  
My face twisted in rage. "She's going by _herself_! Why the hell didn't she ask for back up?! Why the hell aren't you jumping into the back seat right _now_ and opting to come with me? If she goes by herself, she is going to get herself _killed_! Get _in_!" I yelled, cocking my thumb to the backseat. 

He eyed the backseat longingly, but made no attempt to move. 

"We _can't _go after her…and she's not _alone_," he muttered reluctantly.  
"She's not _alone_? But the _rest _of us are all _here_?! Who is she going with?" I demanded. 

Hearing a sharp intake of breath from my side, a name popped into my head and I wanted to dismiss it, but it was too late. Rosalie's reaction had proved that I was not the only one to think it, and my face paled further that I thought possible.

"_No_…" I whispered and then slammed my hand hard against the wheel. "_NO_! You _can't_ be _serious_!?" 

Something snapped beneath my hand… the wheel. I roared and punched the dashboard hard, leaving a gaping hole where my fist broke through. 

"_Bella_?" Rosalie whispered from my side.  
"Yes," Jasper confirmed. 

His brow creased in worry and his tone was thick with poorly concealed disapproval. 

"She says it's the _only_ way… If we go after him, it will only make things _worse_… He will sense us before we get there, and it will only make him act _faster_… We couldn't sneak up on him… There is no other way…"  
"But _Bella_?!" Emmett shouted. "What can _she _do?!"  
"The Volturi…they have declined his request to kill him," Jasper informed us bleakly. 

I wanted to relax, but my brother's face did _not_ show the relief that I expected to find, which only told me that the worst was yet to come. 

"He is taking the matters into his _own_ hands," he said bitterly.  
"The _idiot_!" I complained, grabbing fistfuls of my curly hair and peeking at my brother sideways. "Well, what the hell is he thinking _now_?!"  
"Alice saw many things…He panicked at first and he considered a long list of actions that would get him promptly _slaughtered_, but he finally settled for the dramatic…"  
"_Typical_!" I snorted in disdain.  
"It's what they need for their plan to work…" Jasper said quietly.  
My face darkened. "_What_ plan?"  
"To save him, when he plans to expose himself in the most _ludicrously_ dramatic way possible," he replied evasively. 

Groaning, I leaned my head back against the headrest and thought about the _millions_ of ways, in which Edward could achieve such a thing. The possibilities were _endless_. 

"I _still _don't see how Bella can fit into all of this!" I continued to argue. "It's _madness _and far, _far_ too dangerous for her!" 

Picturing the girl's innocent face, I couldn't imagine her being involved in something…_anything_ like _this_. It was a suicidal mission enough for _our_ kind…but for _her_? What chance did _she_ stand? What benefit could she _possibly_ provide? 

"She can walk in the sun…" Rosalie said suddenly, her voice filled with an unexpected surge of respect. 

We both turned to look at her then, her tone taking us by surprise. She stared at us in turn, her eyes filled with understanding and awe. 

"Don't you _see_? She is the _only _help that he has left…" 

Her voice did not carry a trace of despair, and that gave me some hope. She was scared, but she saw this as a good thing. We had to take strength from our sister's plan…we couldn't do much else. 

"What about _Alice_?" I asked, in defeat.  
"Once Bella makes her presence known and brings Edward back to safety, she will bring them back," he stated carefully. 

Silently, we absorbed the plan, and knew that despite its simplicity - it was still highly dangerous. But it was the _only_ plan that could possibly work. We couldn't go after him. It really _was _down to our sister and the human girl and we were left once more, to sit behind and wait. 

Looking at my brother, I saw the anguish that was tearing him apart. No calm emanated from him now, as he considered the fates of our brother and his love. Reaching out, I slapped him hard on the shoulder, stared down at my wife for an immeasurable moment and then got out of the vehicle. 

As I ambled back towards the house, Rosalie's hand found mine and I squeezed it hard. Jasper did not re-enter the house. He folded himself on the front porch and stared ahead at nothing. 

"Did you phone Carlisle?" I asked, before I closed the door.  
"Not yet," he replied distantly.  
I nodded. "I'll deal with it."  
"Allow me," Rosalie offered, holding out her hand. 

I gave her a long look, before I handed her the phone and headed towards our room to sit out our wait. Would they succeed? If they didn't, how would we be informed of their…failure? Did the Volturi provide such a service? This was an agony beyond anything that I had ever had to endure. 

Collapsing upon our large bed, I rubbed my hands across my face and willed Edward to bide his time, to not be stupid, and prayed that Bella would be enough and that Alice could do whatever it was that she planned. 

And most of all, I prayed that if they managed to pull though, if Edward and Bella were reunited…some good would come from his disaster. But first…they needed to _survive_…

_2/Jasper  
_

_  
_When I had answered the call, I had been close to ignoring Alice's pleas all together and racing Emmett to Italy myself. She wanted me to stay behind; she wanted us _all _to stay behind. She made me promise not to come after her and that promise had killed me. 

The only way I had managed to make it; was by demanding that she make one in return. I made her promise to stay alive and return to me. She'd laughed and made her promise. 

Sitting here, I tried not to think of all the things that could happen to her when I wasn't there to protect her. 

_Alice…you'd better keep your promise…  
_

__

3/Rosalie  


_  
_Having completed the task of informing our "_parents_," I headed towards my room, but then, changed my mind…and headed for Edward's. If Emmett had heard my change in course, he made no movement to stop me, or object. My guess was that he needed to be alone in order to deal with this catastrophe…we all did. 

Slowly, I stopped outside my brother's door, pushed down the handle and stepped inside. It was a mess - just as he had left it. Boxes of his countless CDs were stacked high. As I stepped through, I noticed splinters of wood across the floor and huge, chunks torn out of the doorframe. I had never noticed them before, I had never even been _in_ his room before - it had held little interest for me, until now. 

Now, things were different. From now, this place could be the last place that held any recollection of my brother's life, and what a pitiful life he had led here. Mourning in his torment, suffering so terribly…and I had ignored him _completely_. 

So, we had never been particularly _close_? But before all this, I had _never _gone so far as to cut him off - pretend that he didn't exist. Ever since he had met Bella, I had been a terrible sister…jealous for the most ridiculous of reasons and so selfish. More so than usual, more than I would ever admit… 

It had never bothered me before - it was who I _was_…but I'd never ever intended my actions to lead to such disaster. I did not _hate _Edward. As far as brothers went, he was decent, accepting, funny, loyal and caring. 

All right, so he was _clearly_ the family's favourite - but it was irritatingly obvious as to why. A more likeable person didn't exist, and maybe soon he wouldn't…because of _me_. 

If I could have done anything right there and then to make it all right, I would have. But I knew that I could not turn back time, and there was no way any of us could help now. It was down to Alice…and to _Bella_. 

Even after we had left her, deserted her for months, she had still dropped everything, to go and save my brother. Did she really love him so unconditionally? I do not know what I thought of their love. I supposed I had always just thought it as something silly. I never took account of her feelings - she _was _only human after all and destined to die sooner rather than later- so what did it matter? 

I always thought that it was just Edward indulging himself. But for _her_ to make this sacrifice? Maybe she really _did _love him? Maybe their love really _was _worth fighting for? Maybe I had been wrong all along… 

…I _had  
_

Would I ever have a chance to apologise to them both? To make amends to them? To everyone? Even if they returned, would they wish to _give_ me another chance? Imagining Edward's face made me shudder. And as for Bella? I had been _terrible_ to her! When I hadn't pierced her with hateful eyes, I had treated her like thin _air._ There was so much bad behaviour to atone for…too much.

Slumping down against the doorframe, I fitted my fingers where my brother's had once been. Closing my eyes, I wished that in time, they would forgive me…but first, I wished that they would live.

_4/Carlisle  
_

_  
_Sliding the phone back into my pocket, I wanted to turn my head, meet my wife's eyes and show her that I had complete confidence in the situation. That Edward would return; that Alice's plan would work, and that the human girl we had sought to keep safe; would return unscathed, but I could not. 

The only two factors that worked in the plan's favour, were time and luck. It could work…As long as Edward didn't change his mind, or Alice didn't come within range of his senses, and as long as Bella was fast enough, and did all that should could where Alice could not. 

_Dear God, please help them…  
_

From the corner of my eye, I could see my wife's shaking form. I reached out a hand to comfort her, but it dropped to my side, and clenched into a tight fist, as I struggled to suppress my own emotion. 

_Don't… _I urged myself. _Don't give up yet. There is still hope. There is always hope…  
_

"We must have faith," I said in a voice, which was not entirely steady. 

I didn't look at her, but I made out the movement, as she bobbed her head up and down once. She would believe, as would I…until we wee told otherwise. 

_Please God…  
…I do not ask you for much, and I do all that I can to make my existence worthy of your attention…  
I have never asked you for anything…  
…but now, I ask you just this one thing…  
Please help my son…  
…Please, please help my Edward  
Please…_

_  
5/Esme  
_

How much can one family...one person, bear to loose? I had tried to take my former life, when my poor, beautiful baby had died. Then Carlisle had brought me back. What for? Only for me to endure losing two more of my children? 

My Edward…My Edward was seeking his own death. And my sweet Alice was risking her life to help him! And Bella…the daughter I would have loved; was with them. 

If they failed…If I lost them all…I didn't know if I could hold on to what I had left. My children were my life. 

I could not lose a child… not _again_. 

My mind was running wild and scaring me…would the others be enough? I could not think about that now. 

Now, all I could do was think of those that were far away, and aiming to achieve the impossible. It had to be possible. For the love of all that was good in this world, it had to work…they had to save my son…they had to save each other. 

Trembling, I imagined a place in the sun where the only being able to do anything was a human. I only prayed that Bella could do enough… 

_6/Alice  
_

_  
_Thinking was a dangerous thing and I didn't have time for it. If I started thinking about what we were doing, I may have just turned the Porsche around and headed in another direction…straight back to Jasper's side. 

That was a lie of course…I could never do that. I could never abandon Edward. Someone needed to save him, and we were the ones who were destined to do it. It was already terrible enough that Bella was now involved, but it wasn't like there was a choice anymore. It was beginning to feel like destiny… as if the two of us were meant to embark on this rescue mission. 

With the two of us racing past the glorious Italian countryside, that we were far too preoccupied to admire, it was easier to focus on the task at hand. The ride on the plane had been torture. 

Bella had had it easy- she simply had to sit there, and wait for me to tell her something that she didn't know. In the long stretches of time where I had nothing to say, she slept. 

I couldn't even relax for a second. I constantly had to keep my mind open, keeping myself susceptible to Edwards's decisions, and in the meantime, I had the near impossible task of informing the others of what was happening, and convincing them not to come after us. 

That had been the worst part. Hearing Jasper's voice and knowing that it could be the last time. But I couldn't get anyone else involved. It wasn't just that it would have made our task even more difficult - I couldn't endanger anyone else. 

If they became involved, what if I started seeing flashes of their deaths? How on earth could I concentrate on my task, and saving Edward? It would have been too much. 

It was bad enough that I may lose one brother. To lose another brother, a sister, or my lover would be intolerable. I did not risk Bella's life- this was a risk she took for herself, and I was past fighting to keep her safe for Edward's benefit. 

This human girl, that he was so adamant to protect, had courage that was beyond belief. She loved him and now matter how badly he had convinced her of his lack of interest- and he had - she still wanted to save him…was willing to die trying. On top of all that, she knew what she wanted, and she knew what we were, and she wanted to become one of us. 

I had "seen" it, and Edward, being Edward, had been so determined to push the idea aside - to convince her that it was the worst idea possible. But was it? Was it really? 

If we saved him and brought him back, and he saw the result of our actions, would he not see that it was better for all of us if she did join us? It wasn't as though she were a complete and utter child. For a teenager, she had a very adult head on her shoulders, and she knew what she wanted, and she wanted _him_. Was it so bad?

So, she wasn't on her deathbed, the way Carlisle may have opted to "change" someone. She was willing, and that made all the difference in the world. If our plan worked, I had already made up my mind - we were all going to have a very serious talk about the issue. 

Bella, sat squirming beside me, was already ecstatic about the idea. I almost regretted suggesting it on the plane, but it seemed to give her some kind of hope and confidence for the coming situation, and Lord only knew that we needed plenty of it. 

Thankfully, since Edward had settled for his latest decision, my mind had a chance to rest, and it was easier - more comforting, knowing that he had settled for his _one _plan. 

Although, now there was a new problem that hung over my head - what if he changed his mind? What if he acted sooner? What if he did something different entirely? I was driving as fast as I could. My speed terrified the life out of my passenger, but somehow, it didn't seem fast enough. 

We reached Volterra, he hadn't yet showed any signs of having a change of heart and it was nearly time…and I could go no further. Every muscle in my body was tense, and I found myself risking glances at my accomplice - the most accident prone being on the planet. 

This was down to her. I could stick to the shadows, but she had to get his attention, before he did what he was about to do. 

I stopped the car, told her where to go, and then went to rid myself of the stolen vehicle. After that, I would follow her as quickly as I could to the alley, and hope that I would avoid detection and find them both there, in the safety of the shade. Swallowing hard, I set about my task. 

_7/Edward  
_

_  
_I stood in the alleyway by the square, leaning with my back against the stone wall. My final moments were nearly upon me, and the wait had been a painful one. There nearly hadn't been a wait at all, but I had forced myself to keep from doing anything drastic. Said _he_, the vampire, who was about to take his own life. 

The innocent people that began to fill the streets should have considered themselves lucky. They walked around, oblivious to the real monsters that existed here - where the only _real_ threat was I. There had been many a moment in the past few hours, where I would have leapt out and attacked any of them…or all of them. 

When Aro had refused my execution, I had been beyond furious. Not that I had thought that it would have been _that_ easy, but… _well…_ I actually had_ hoped. _It was hardly a difficult request to grant. 

I was _one _vampire, simply asking for death, and I think they even would have granted my wish, had it not been for their past ties with Carlisle. I had begged and tried to reason with them, but they did not want to upset their old friend. 

And then, most unexpectedly, the conversation had taken a different turn. By now, all I had wanted to do was to leave and end my misery, but apparently Aro had wanted to _talk_. The others did not seem interested in the last, but Aro insisted on shaking my hand and, only _then_, was I aware of his power…and was he aware of mine…_and_ my coming intentions. 

It was an interesting situation. He knew that I was about to cause some form of trouble, but he did not let on. Instead, he offered me a position amongst his Guard, and introduced me to some of his current members. Members, whose talents and attitudes I found to be disturbing, and their mutual dislike of me was startling clear - to everyone but Aro. 

His offer of employment was laughable for many reasons, but only several sprang to mind. The love for my family being one, the fact that I intended to die shortly after our little chat being the other, and then the obvious differences in our choices of diet. 

After a polite refusal and a courteous farewell, I was permitted to leave. I did not get far, before I was in the very alleyway where I now stood, and I begun to contemplate every single way in which I could stop this insanity right then and there. I had come here to die, and that was exactly what I intended to do.

People were everywhere…and so were the Guard. All I had to do was jump out and attack someone. I could not deny the appeal. If this was going to be my last act, why not drink human blood? Have one final taste, before the members and protectors of the Volturi disposed me. 

The idea was dismissed as quickly as it arrived. What a poor way it would have been to thank Carlisle, for all the years that he had taught me to curb my thirst. If he ever heard about that final act, his shame would be great and wherever I went - even if I only became _nothing_, I was sure to feel it even there. 

And then, to taste another human being was…just _wrong_. There was no rational way to explain it. It seemed stupid to even think it, but it would be as if I was cheating on the one that I loved.  
It did not matter that she was dead and gone. She had been the _only _one that I had ever wanted, in every way possible - her body, her mind and her blood. To take from another was an insult. And even then, I never, ever would have allowed myself to drink from her. 

There had only been that _one _time…The time when I had to extract James' venom from her body, and that had been…words could not describe how difficult had been. Difficult was not a strong enough word. 

People used to word "difficult" in the most mundane and simple of circumstances. The act of stopping had been _impossible,_ and yet, I _had_ stopped…because I loved her more than life itself. I still _did_, and if I did not join her in death soon, I was going to do something rash… 

Ruling out the option of attacking someone, I thought of other avenues to take. There were so many to choose from. In the act of assessing every option, I found my obsessive-thinking manner taking over the situation. I analysed each and every choice, closing my eyes and visualised scenarios in the back of my mind. 

There were things that I needed to consider. How easy would my plans be to achieve? Would they be visible enough for all to see? Would they attract the attention of a few, or many, or merely just enough? Was that good enough? If I wanted to end my life, did I want it to just end, have them kill me and have it over and done with? Yes…and _no_. 

These Volturi were an arrogant lot, and maybe, it would do them some good to be humbled. Maybe if I only did something minor, I would receive the equivalent of a slap on the wrist, and then be escorted from the city, where they were sure I could behave myself. Or, Aro would attempt to sway my decision into joining him once more. 

I needed to find a way that would be so obvious, and so insulting, that it would be _unforgivable_. I could not risk them letting me live, and I needed to do something that was expose us completely. Something that could not be easily explained, and something that would guarantee a first class ticket to wherever it was, we soulless creatures went. 

What talents did we possess that could cause alarm? There was strength of course, and our speed. But who hasn't seen a film or a read a book, where some being had the power of super strength? It would be offensive enough to throw a car through a shop window, or meaninglessly flit across the square, spooking a crowd… but it was too… _unoriginal_. There had to be something else…and then it hit me. 

So _simple_…so _easy_…and it would catch the eye of _every_ human being in the square. It was so brilliant; I had to chuckle to myself. 

…I would walk into the sun. 

Just thinking of it made me smile. A memory came flooding back... the first time in the meadow with her…Made me think of things that made me ache all over… 

Looking up at the sky, it was too early to act- but soon, on this day, St. Marcus's Day- the area would be filled. And at noon, when the sun shone it's brightest and lit up the square…I could walk out. Just walk out…and _shine_. 

That had been hours ago. Now, the sun was high, and I was waiting for the exact moment, when the clock would strike twelve. When the final chiming of the bell could be heard - _then_, I would move. 

It was 11:59... 

I was seconds away from death, and I found that I was smiling. _It will soon be over_, I assured myself, and undid the buttons of my shirt. For some reason beyond comprehension, I actually folded it neatly, before I placed it on the floor. 

Straightening myself up, I listened with a growing sense of peace, as the sounding of the first chime echoed through the air. A flock of startled birds soared over ahead. From somewhere close by, some children squealed in delight at the sudden, loud noise. 

Taking one last deep and unnecessary breath, I began to step forward. One, slow step at a time, savouring the last moments, and looking forward to whatever end awaited me. As each chime sounded, I took another step. 

It was odd really. As my feet carried me forward, my mind began to play tricks on me. I could hear the voice that I longed to hear, but it wasn't happy or delighted to see me. It sounded scared… 

She was calling my name, over and over again. Maybe she was calling me from the other side? Warning me not to join her, and telling me to stay where I was? Silly girl, as if I could live in this world without her. 

Ignoring the beautiful voice, I continued forward. The tenth chime passed; then the eleventh and finally the twelfth. My foot was the first thing to enter the shaft of light, when something slammed into me. In surprise and mild irritation, I turned and then…froze. 

_She_ was _there_…it was _her_, looking _exactly _as I remembered her. Startled as I was, I took a reflexive breath, and her heady scent filled my being. 

_I am dead…  
_

_  
_Touching her face and inhaling deeply, I smiled to myself. Well _that_ hadn't been bad at _all_? I had been expecting the Guard to drag me to some far off corner, and take their time, ripping me apart - probably enjoying the opportunity of some sport, in this boring and safe city. And I had _definitely _expected much more in the way of pain! 

Maybe they had developed ways to dispose of troublemakers quickly and painlessly? I can't say that I minded. It was almost as though nothing had happened, and now I was here… wherever _here_ was. 

Very strange indeed. It looked as though I hadn't moved at all, and yet, here _she_ stood, before me, looking both overjoyed and panicked at the same time. She even smelled as incredible as she had in life…in some ways, even better. 

Was this some other plane of existence? It must have been. So _this _was what had awaited me all along. God _did _have a place for us, and he _did_ see me fit to spend my afterlife, with the one that I loved. To think that all this time, I had dismissed Carlisle's beliefs, when he had been right all along. 

My love spoke to me words that made no sense. She appeared to be trying to convince me, that I was _alive_. It seemed highly unlikely, because for starters…_she_ was here. But then, her words came faster, her eyes became more desperate, and I felt _their_ presence, before I could see them… 

_The Guard_… 

Suddenly aware of how dangerously close I had been to the mouth of the alley, I stepped back, pressing my love against the wall and shielding her from view. And sure enough, two very real, very solid cloaked figures emerged from the crowd and stood, blocking the other humans from view, throwing us into their shadows.

My head was pounding, and every nerve in my body was reacting to what was happening. My love was in danger, and she was very much alive. The hand that I held behind me belonged to a _living _person, and it was _warm _and it felt wonderful. With fingers that had been desperate for her touch for so long, I held her hand tightly, and she attempted to crush mine back. 

We were in trouble, but suddenly, it didn't seem so frightening, because she was here, holding my hand and I would do anything to get her out of this - anything to get us out of this, and even if we didn't make it- we would be _together_. 

Staring up at the hidden faces that loomed above mine, I prepared to fight for our right to live. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Home

**Chapter 8 Home  
**

**  
**_1/Alice  
_

_  
_With the phone pressed to my ear and hearing Jasper's voice on the other end of the line, everything seemed perfect. I was sat on a plane taking us home. Edward was by my side and Bella was beside him. We were here. We were alive. After mumbling a quick goodbye to my love, knowing that I would see him soon, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. 

It was easier to look back on all that had just happened. Somehow, it felt surreal - as if it had just been some nightmare, but given the fact that we were unable to sleep, that option was nicely ruled out in an instant. I didn't want to think about it and yet, if I did not run the course of images through my head, they would find me and haunt me later. 

I saw myself flitting through the back alleys, having seen Edward's decision to step back into the shadows. It was then, that I knew that Bella had made it in time, and I arrived onto the scene just as they had found trouble. That was shortly before Jane had appeared, making our chances of escape impossible and then, we had descended beneath the city and were taken to the others. 

Never had I felt so trapped, so tense and so scared. I had feared being terminated by the guard, but this was worse. Having our fates decided by an eccentric old fool, with Edward and I trying desperately to think of some way to get out of the situation in one piece, and a human girl wedged between us was for lack of a better word…_intense.  
_

More images filled my mind…more words. I saw Aro reaching out to Bella. I heard his strange and chilling laugh. I saw Jane using her power upon Bella, and I saw Edward flinging himself into the path of her deadly gaze. I heard their offer of employment, which was directed to the _three _of us and I saw myself approach Aro, buying us safe passage out of there, when Edward could not. 

The decision needed to be made and Edward was hesitant. I was not sure if he would have sacrificed us all, to keep his love stay in human form, and I was not about to take that chance. My decision had been made, and whilst it was susceptible to change, Aro did not know, and to him, my vision was proof enough. 

After that, we had had the painfully long wait in the lobby, with that appalling receptionist ignoring all that went on around her. I could hear the screams of the many that had been brought to their deaths, but even so, I was calmer than I had been in months, because my brother was by my side, my sister was alive and well, and for the moment, we were able to leave. 

The drive to the airport hadn't been as fun as I had hoped. There hadn't been time to choose a vehicle of my preference; however, Edward's promise of my shiny, yellow 911 Turbo was enough to have me beam, even before I was on the phone to my love. 

It had helped that I had known I would see him in less than a day, and it couldn't come soon enough. I could feel it…things were going to return to normal. Well, as normal as they could…Although Bella did confuse me. 

She had spent all these months pining for my brother and yet, now that she _had_ him, even though she could not keep her eyes off him- there was a distance there that I could not understand. Edward could see it too- I could see it in the way that he handled her- so gently, so carefully. 

His touch was intimate, but as though she was fragile- and not just in the _physical_ sense. He was beginning to see what we had done and the state that we had left her in, and he was trying to find ways to deal with it. He could see that that which he handled was broken, but he would mend it. 

He had not been best pleased with all that I had told him, as we followed Felix, Demetri and Jane to the hidden entrance to the home of The Volturi. I had kept it brief, not wanting to upset him any more than was absolutely necessary, but his reaction to the werewolves had been the same as mine. 

Primarily, he was destroyed by what he had done to her, but disgusted, that we had left her in the company of such dangerous creatures. No doubt he would have words with her in the future, but not then. Then wasn't he right time, and neither was now. 

Bella's eyes were glazed. She would not sleep. We had tried and tried, but she had taken every measure possible, to keep her eyes open and fixed on Edward. Sometimes it looked as though she fought the urge to blink. So scared was she that Edward would vanish into thin air…so scared that he would leave her again. It upset me, but still, I had hope. 

My brother was alive, and he was holding her, and he would never let her go again. I had heard his decision the moment he had made it - the second he knew that she was alive. They were the most important things in each other's lives and from now on, no danger would pull them apart. He still needed to do a great deal of convincing, but I had faith in him. He would succeed and things would be well once more…

For a while… 

There was no denying that with this wonderful reunion, another problem had now come to take its place. My promise. The Volturi would send someone to check on Bella at some point… maybe sooner, rather than later. And if she wasn't ready when they arrived, she would be dealt with. Edward knew this and I could already see glimpses of the plans that he was beginning to form. 

How long would it be, I wondered, before he realised that there only really _was _one option? There only ever _had_ been one option. She had to become one of us. He would come to terms with it, or he would not. Sadly, the choice was out of his hands. It was destined to happen- the only question was _when_. 

Whenever it was, I only hoped that he would handle the change with dignity, and find joy where it should be found. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have her forever? To not have to worry about her safety? To have her off every predators menu? The Volturi would leave her be, there would be no threat from Victoria - none that we couldn't handle, and the werewolves would certainly be out of the picture. He would see sense…eventually. Once he moved past this _damning-her-soul _lark. 

I glanced at the time and grinned. The seatbelt lights flashed on, as the pilot informed us that we were preparing to land. Worrying could wait, for now, I wanted to embrace our togetherness. 

_2/Jasper  
_

Thankful for my height, I stared over the heads of the crowds of people lounging around, waiting for whoever they were waiting for at Arrivals. Carlisle stood by my side, with Esme pinned against his. The atmosphere was buzzing, and we were waiting for it - the first sight of our loved ones to appear.

We had wasted no time. As soon as Alice had called, we had all taken to our vehicles. I rode with Carlisle and Esme. Emmett and Rosalie wished to ride alone and I did not blame them. Things had been difficult. If our parental figures had not returned, I fear that a fight would have broken out. 

They had gone hours without a word and when they spoke, things became heated. Although Emmett would never strike his wife, items went flying and even _I _found it a task to keep their tempers in check. 

Thankfully, Carlisle's influence over them was stronger. After telling them what had happened - after speaking of Alice's actions, Rosalie's decisions and the events after- even _then_, our mother and father were still able to forgive. 

It was their forgiveness and understanding that made it all worse - what if the others hadn't survived? Would we have earned their forgiveness _then_? It was a terrible time for us all- not knowing, and waiting for the call that would confirm that they were alive. 

Having the others together, all of us sharing the moment; brought some peace between the Emmett and his wife. They spoke, to kill the time - made amends and no doubt planned what would be done once Edward returned. If he returned. We prayed that he would come back to us. 

And now, after unbearable hours of lounging around the airport, it was time. They had arrived. From some terminal, they were heading towards us, at a painfully slow and human pace. 

I found myself bouncing on the back of my heels, desperate for them to hurry. Whilst Carlisle was composed, Esme hid her nerves as poorly as I. Reaching across her husband, she grabbed my hand. 

"_Soon_," she said assured me sweetly.  
Smiling down at her, I gently squeezed her hand back. "I know." 

And then I felt it, whether it was instinct or not, I did not know. But my head shot up, and there they were- all three of them, walking towards us. My feet froze to the floor, stopping me from running forward. Carlisle and Esme straightened up beside me and began to walk. After a several seconds, I followed a few steps behind, my eyes locked on Alice. 

I was happy that Edward was safe and I was glad that Bella had survived and I knew that at some stage, I should apologise for trying to kill her, but right then and there, I could only see Alice. Not the Alice of the past several months, but the Alice that had warmed my heart. 

She was complete with the knowledge that her brother was fine and in the company of her friend. She was whole again, and even though a part of me recognised that I should have been upset, I was too relieved. Relieved that she was herself once more, relieved that she was alive. It was a relief so thorough, that words and actions were not enough to express it. 

Edward and Bella headed for my parents and Alice aimed for me. There were couples being reunited all around us. People ran towards each other, laughing, and throwing each other in the air. We could only stand there, a few feet apart, staring at each other. That one, long look that passed between us, erased the past six months, filled the void that had begun to form, and signified that everything was as it should be. 

Only when the others were padding slowly in the direction of the exit, did I take Alice's hand and bring it to my lips. When our eyes next met, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed her back, missing the taste of her sweet lips and brought her up into my arms. Already, the world was a better place.  
__

_3/Emmett  
_

_  
_"Nervous?" I asked my wife, without moving my eyes from the glass doors ahead.  
Her voice came out strangled. "_That_ is an understatement."  
I chuckled. 

I could chuckle now that I knew that the rest of our family was alive. Rosalie's actions, although not _entirely _forgivable, had been reversible, and were a thing of the past… for me, anyway. Edward was the main concern. That was the reason we were stood out here, instead of inside. She was scared. I didn't blame her. 

"He _is_ a reasonable man Rose," I said with confidence.  
She laughed at that. "That's easy for _you_ to say. _You're _his favourite," she scoffed and pouted at the same time. 

Flashing a wide smile, I arched a brow high and bumped my massive shoulder against her slight frame- jostling her to the side. 

"Can you blame him?" I asked, with a wink.  
"You _are_ disgustingly likeable," she agreed with a hint of resentment.  
"And so are _you_…when you're _not_ being a self absorbed and conniving bitch," I pointed out with a smile tugging at my lips. 

Clamping her mouth shut, her eyes drifted from the door to the ground She was hardly about to argue with that statement. It was true. 

"It doesn't come _easily_ to me, you know?" she stated petulantly, as if that were a good enough reason to give up.  
"You could always _try_?" I suggested affably.  
"I don't know why I am standing here," she muttered to her feet. "He will _never _see fit to forgive me, and Lord knows what she-" she took a deep breath, before reforming her sentence - "What _Bella_, will think of me or say to me."  
"_Rose_," I said, ignoring her defeated tone. "Just _apologise _and _mean_ it. Apologise to him…_and _to her. And then we shall see what happens." 

At that moment, I caught sight of the four of them waking towards the doors. They came outside and then they stopped. Esme muttered something to Edward, who frowned and finally looked in our direction, with narrowed eyes. I wanted to beak into a grin, but it was hardly the time. Rosalie stiffened beside me, and quickly retreated for the front passenger door. 

Hopping into the driver seat, I waited for them to get in. First Edward placed Bella inside. She was half-conscious, either from shock or exhaustion, but she looked fine. Despite myself, I smiled away from them all - glad that she was well. The door slammed shut and Edward sat perfectly still. Nobody said a word. I shot Rosalie a discreet; prompting glance and she finally spoke. 

My wife said her words, apologising to the both of them, and although I could still sense my brother's anger - he was able to put her actions behind him and be grateful of the outcome. It may have brought him and others close to death, but he was here now- safe in our reach, and his love was resting against his side. 

After laughing at Bella's mumbled replies, I put the car into gear and we drove back to Forks. There was no question about it. We were moving back. Smiling hugely, I drove fast, and with an unimaginable sense of peace. Edward was back. Bella was back. We were going back home. _Home…  
_

_4/Rosalie  
_

_  
I swear to you Edward, I will make it up to you. I know what I did was terrible, and I know that you do not have to forgive me, and I know that you will never forget, but I want to make it better.  
_

_  
I promise that I will behave. I will not be rude to her any longer, and I will keep my opinions to myself, and not take them out on you or anyone else. I will make things right. I will…  
_

The words formed in my thoughts as strongly as I could, and in the windshield mirror, I met my brother's eyes and nodded the once. 

He nodded back and tightened his arm around the human girl by his side. That was all the answer I needed. 

Too moved to smile, I only reached an open hand out to my side. My husband took it and presented me with a smile that caused my chest to ache. 

This was our new beginning and _this _time, I would do it _right_. 

__

5/Edward  


_  
_As my love slept, I watched her intently; every small detail, devouring every sight, sound and smell that belonged to her. Six months had felt like six lifetimes and here I was again, as if none of it had happened. I could not bear to stop touching her, to stop looking at her. My senses would not allow me to pay attention elsewhere. 

I stroked my fingers through her hair, slid them across her cheek, along the length of her soft lips and moulded myself against her shape over the blankets. Whilst my fingers caressed her face and hair, I buried my face against her hair, her shoulder, her neck, touched my lips against wherever I was, and inhaled. How could I have abandoned her? It all seemed so stupid now. All of it… 

And what a night we had now had! Even _after_ escaping the Volturi, I had thought that the worst of it was over, but it wasn't. As she had slept, I watched her with growing concern. She groaned, tossing and turning, as her nightmares consumed her, and when she awoke, she was convinced that I was a dream. 

It was both the most wonderful and worst moment I could imagine. So pleased was she that I was here, and yet, so badly had I hurt her, that she could not believe that I was real. I used every tool at my disposal; I told her the truth, I used my words, I used my touch and used my lips - kissing her in a way that I previously would have frowned upon…and still, she had been unconvinced. 

Only later, running through the forest to the house, did she seem to believe that any of this was real - after confessing to hearing my voice. That had caused me some degree of alarm, but as long as it proved to her that I loved her, who was I to judge whatever it was that sought to intervene on my behalf? 

It had been long settled; I would do all in my power to make it up to her. To prove with my own actions and my own voice, that I would never, ever put her through anything like that again. It would be a long time, but I had forever. And somewhere along the line, she had decided that _she_ had forever _too_… 

When I finally gave in to her wish to discuss her mortality with the others, I hadn't actually thought that they would agree. I had _had_ a plan! It was well thought out and would certainly work. When Emmett agreed, I thought that that would be all it took. So apparently Alice (who I was going to have to have _extremely_ strong words with) had offered to perform the change herself. I was sure than my plan would rule it all out. Regardless, Bella asked the question, and as they each gave their vote, I felt sick to the stomach. 

All of them had wanted her to join us…all but Rosalie. For that, I owed her some small thanks. But the others? For them to suggest it, when they knew how I felt… When she had a choice…and Carlisle to offer to do it…. 

If it hadn't been for Carlisle, I would have done more damage in my rage - but I needed to control my temper and fight for what I could 

…Time. 

If we could keep her safe long enough, she would not need to resort to such things as giving up her life and soul. Carlisle had given her until graduation. The others had agreed. 

I felt nauseous as I drove her home, and we returned to her room once more. But my anger only fuelled my imagination, and new thoughts and ideas began to form. Yes, it was a fact that if she became a vampire, she would be safe, but I wouldn't stop- not until there was no other way. Even then, there had to be another way. And then the idea came to me… 

By refusing her and arguing further, I would only encourage her to act faster. She needed to be presented with an offer that made her wait. I offered to turn her myself… in exchange for _marriage_. The look on her face was comical, but I could see it, how desperate she was to have it be me who performed the act. 

She blatantly refused, and I played along, pretending to agree with Carlisle, but I could see it - she was thinking about things, and at the time, that was all I could hope. 

And now, enjoying the moment that I had waited for, for so long, I thought about the argument I had made for my case. I considered the valid reasons for her to marry me, and I realised that they were true. Looking down at the heavenly creature, there was no doubt in my mind at all. I did want to marry her. I wanted her as my wife. But would I want it at the cost of her soul? I wouldn't think about that now… 

…For now, we had time. 

Then, there was the case of Victoria, who had left a false trail for me to pursue. She had led me astray, when all this time, she had been attempting to kill my love, and had almost succeeded. She would be dealt with. I would kill her myself. Emmett and Jasper could help, but they would have to fight me for the privilege of tearing her apart with my bare hands. 

Bella was upset about this, so I did not bother her with the subject anymore. But it would always be there, and I would not ever truly rest until the villain was dead. According to her, the werewolves had kept her at bay, but it was only a matter of time. One did not walk away from avenging a mate… 

The werewolves were another issue, but one that would soon be put to an end. We had returned, and the treaty was still in place. I had never been overly keen on young, annoying Jacob Black in the first place. And now that he was a werewolf, well, there was very little reason to like him at _all_. 

I was not happy about their relationship at all. Most importantly, it was too dangerous, and if she ever intended to become one of us, she surely realised that their friendship would be impossible? What she felt now would diminish. None of what she now felt would compare to the natural instinct - the hatred and repellence. 

It may have been a useful tool to use, against her whole wish to end her life as a human being. But somehow, I did not feel comfortable using Jacob Black, the teenage werewolf, as an excuse to stay on the side of the living. Something apart from concern for her safety nagged in the back of my mind, but as with problems before, I pushed it aside. 

We were together now and would never be apart - whether she joined us or not. Nothing would come between us ever again. Pressing my lips against the side of her neck one final time, I closed my eyes and listened to the beat of her heart. Smiling, I held her tightly and one set of warm, sleepy fingers wrapped around mine. 

_6/Esme  
_

Crossing the length of the living room, I walked to the piano, sat upon the bench and ran my fingers lightly across the keys. 

Everyone was here, everyone was in their rooms, the house did not contain a speck of dust and everything was in its rightful place. Even now, although my Edward was in the home of another, watching over his love - he was happy and he was home. Even from this distance, I could feel his joy, and it warmed my heart. Everyone was happy. Everything was wonderful. 

The only mishap, had been the unfortunate incident when Bella and he turned up in the early hours of the morning, to discuss her future. Edward had been most upset, stormed out of the room and thrown a fit, smashing something incredibly large. I had chosen to ignore whatever it was, too happy to have my son in my line of sight, and safe. 

He was angry with us for wanting his love to join us. I understood his reasons, but it seemed awfully unfair to Bella to go through all, this without giving her something at the end. If she was quite happy to join us, I was happy to have her. 

She was already a daughter in my eyes, and the thought of her joining our family, giving Edward a permanent partner, was all I could have hoped and dreamed. Not just for his sake, but for all of ours. The changed she brought to our lives, disasters aside, were wonderful. 

My son was fretting about things now, but come Graduation; I felt that he would be pleased. The wait would be over, she would be one of us and things would be for the better. This way, their love _could_ last forever. 

Gradation wasn't so far away. Pressing down one of the keys, I let a single note fill the room and wondered if between Bella's waking and the start of school, he would play for me? I missed his music so much. 

From somewhere above, I heard four voices break into simultaneous laughter, and I smiled up at the sound. Family was a wonderful thing. 

_7/Carlisle  
_

_  
_Having been welcomed back to the hospital with open arms, I wasted no time getting back to my work. Seeing all the familiar faces of both the staff and the patients brought me great joy. It was the missing piece of my sense of home. I had my family and I had my work. These were the two most important things in my life, and soon, I would have an additional member. 

I could see that Edward would try all that he could to sway her decision, but the agreement had been made, and Bella had been right about one thing. It wasn't just about him anymore, it involved us all. If she ever changed her mind, I would respect her wishes, but whilst she was certain that she wished to join us, I would stick to my word. 

There would be pain for her, but we would take care of her. We would watch over her until the process was complete, and until she was able to control herself. She was in no danger at all. Now, it was just a matter of time, and how difficult Edward would make it for us all. 

Despite this momentary joy, precautions had been taken. Alice was now on the lookout for signs of the Volturi and also Victoria. We had not forgotten her, and we would be keeping a carefully close eye out for any activity that would suggest actions from either side. 

In the meantime, things would run normally. Normally…happily. How long would the moment last this time? I certainly hoped that it would last for longer, but it did not matter, for there was one thing I knew for sure… 

…No matter what happened, we would not run. Not again. 

**THE END  
**

_  
_


End file.
